


Freedombound

by eccentricStyle (Megafire)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi, bloodswap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-06
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-27 00:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megafire/pseuds/eccentricStyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you HATE YOURSELF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin Freedombound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you HATE YOURSELF.
> 
> \---
> 
> your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you are a really BUSY MOTHERFUCKIN TROLL.

**Freedombound**

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you HATE YOURSELF. Actually, that is nowhere near accurate enough. You UTTERLY DESPISE your VERY EXISTANCE. There are a wide variety of reasons for this, although most of them center around the fact that you are a HUGE COWARD.

Your interests include and are most certainly limited to COMPUTER PROGRAMMING and HACKING, which you are ultimately AWESOME at, watching RIDICULOUSLY COMPLICATED MOVIES and TELEVISION SHOWS with INCOMPREHENSIBLE PLOTS, which you understand completely and you like to POINT THIS OUT to everyone who doesn’t. You are KIND OF A DICK.

You are also a NOTORIOUSLY POWERFUL PSIONIC, which is another reason you really cannot stand the sight of yourself. You have had to suffer through the voices of the IMMINENTLY DECEASED for six sweeps now, which you deem somewhat close to ADEQUATE PUNISHMENT.

Your trolltag is codingGenius and you U2E CODING 2LANG WHENEVER IT OCCUR2 2 YOU 2 DO 2O. YOU AL2O REALLY LIKE THE NUMBER 2.

Did you mention that you HATE yourself yet? Because you TOTALLY DO.

You have very few friends because almost everyone who knows you HATES YOU or at the very least SERIOUSLY DISLIKES YOU, as they damn well should.

Almost everyone, that is. There is one girl who knows exactly what you did and somehow still likes to talk to you. At least, you think she knows. You explained it to her, after all. It is entirely possible that she forgot, though. She is kind of a doofus. Most of the time.

She calls you ‘Karkles’ in whatever retarded typing quirk she is using that day. You swear she switches it up just to annoy you.

As it happens, she is contacting you right now.

**Karkat: Answer GC**

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

GC: K$rkL#s  
GC: k$Rkl#S  
GC: k4RKl3S  
GC: K4rKL3s   
CG: OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT ALL THE PURPLE WORD2 THAT IN NO WAY RE2EMBLE MY ACTUAL NAME.  
CG: WHAT CODE YOU PO22IBLY WANT?   
GC: K$rkL#s  
GC: 1 W$s jUSt  
GC: wONd3R!ng   
CG: OH BOY HERE WE GO.  
CG: GO AHEAD TZ.  
CG: TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT IT I2 THAT I2 ON YOUR MO2T LIKELY DECEA2ED MIND.  
CG: I CANNOT WAIT 2 HEAR WHAT YOU’VE 2PEND THE LA2T 2 HOUR2 THINKING ABOUT.  
CG: ALTHOUGH I GUE22 I’M GOING 2 HAVE 2 WAIT FOR A LONG TIME, 2INCE YOUR RETARDED TYPING QUIRK I2 TAKING YOU EVEN LONGER 2 FORM A COHE2IVE 2ENTENCE THAN U2UAL.   
GC: shut up   
CG: OKAY.   
GC: ! Was WOnd#RinG  
GC: YouR #y3S Sm3LL fuNNy   
CG: THAT’2 NOT WONDERING ANYTHING, YOU DUMBA22.  
CG: THAT’2 JU2T ANOTHER RANDOM THOUGHT THAT 2OMEHOW FOUND IT2 WAY 2 THE BARREN WA2TELAND THAT I2 YOUR THINK PAN AND COULDN’T E2CAPE ON TIME.  
CG: MAYBE YOU WERE WONDERING ‘WHY’ MY EYE2 2MELL FUNNY?   
GC: y#S!  
GC: th$T is #XacTLy  
GC: wH$t 1 W$s wONd3R!ng   
CG: IT’2 BECAU2E I AM A TOTAL FREAK AND AN ABOMINATION 2 TROLL CULTURE IN EVERY WAY PO22IBLE.  
CG: I GUE22 THAT MEAN2 I’M ALMO2T A2 WEIRD A2 YOU ARE.   
GC: ! L1k# W31RD  
GC: w3!Rd 3QU4lS FunNY 4nD Th4T !s 4 F$ct TH4t !S trU#   
CG: AND THAT I2 THE LONGE2T 2ENTENCE YOU HAVE TYPED IN 2 WEEK2.  
CG: I AM IMPRE22ED.   
GC: yoUR l1#S sm#Ll v#Ry  
GC: 1NTox!C4t!Ng   
CG: WHAT WA2 THAT?  
CG: DID YOU JU2T 2PELL THE WORD ‘INTOXICATING’?  
CG: BECAU2E THAT JU2T 2EEM2 2O GODDAMN IMPROBABLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE 2 2TART.  
CG: YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO KANAYA ‘THE DICTIONARY’ MARYAM AGAIN, HAVEN’T YOU?  
CG: DON’T AN2WER THAT.  
CG: YOU DON’T NEED 2 TELL ME.  
CG: LOOK, 2HE I2 A VERY NICE GIRL AND I KNOW HER VERY LARGE WORD2 MU2T BE ENTICING TO YOU.  
CG: YOU CAN ADD ‘ENTICING’ TO YOUR VOCABULARY NOW, 2.  
CG: BUT I KEEP TELLING YOU IT’2 REALLY CREEPY WHEN YOU 2UDDENLY 2TART THROWING WORD2 LIKE THAT AROUND.  
CG: IT’2 LIKE YOU CODE ACTUALLY CHALLENGE ME INTELLECTUALLY AND WE BOTH KNOW THAT’2 JU2T GOING 2 BE AN EMBARA22ING DI2PLAY FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.  
CG: BUT MO2TLY YOU.   
GC: i am not stupid   
CG: OKAY.   
GC: dONt yOU th!Nk tH# woRD 1nTOx1C$t1NG  
GC: sm#Lls #XacTLy l!K3 yOU woULd 3XP3cT  
GC: FroM Th3 WOrd !NtoX!c4T!ng?   
CG: I CAN’T 2MELL WORD2.   
GC: OH  
GC: soUNds? >:?   
CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING 2 WRITE THAT ENTIRE THING AGAIN, REPLACING ONLY THE WORD ‘2MELL2’ WITH THE WORD ‘2OUND2’.   
GC: DOnt YOu tH!nk TH3 wORd 1NTox!C4t!Ng  
GC: oH   
CG: YE2, I GUE22 IT DOE2 2OUND EXACTLY LIKE THAT.   
GC: D1d yOU knOW th$T th#R3 1S $ woRD foR Th4T?  
GC: !t 1S OnoM$toPO31$   
CG: THAT I2 FUCKING FA2CINATING.  
CG: PLEA2E ENLIGHTEN MY CAREFULLY ENGINEERED 2CREEN WITH MORE RANDOM, UTTERLY POINTLE22 FACT2 ABOUT WORD2.   
GC: Th4T !s pROb4Bly s$Rc4SM   
CG: NO 2HIT.   
GC: buT ! 4m GO1nG To cONt1NU3 4NYw4Y   
CG: 2OMEHOW THAT I2 NOT AT ALL 2URPRI2ING 2 ME.  
CG: A2 IT HAPPEN2 I HAVE 2EEN THE ERROR OF MY WAY2 AND I 2UBMIT 2 YOUR 2UPERIOR KNOWLEDGE IN THE WORDIC DEPARTEMENT.  
CG: AND IF YOU DECIDE 2 UNLEA2H THE CREEPY VOICE ON ME I AM LEAVING.   
GC: you will not leave until i am finished   
CG: OKAY.   
GC: You KNow ! C4nT ConTRol TH4t >:[  
GC: SOm3T!m3S ! juST f3#L r3$Lly $NgrY  
GC: $nd !T juST h4PP3nS  
GC: $nd TH3n ! F33L $lr!Ght $G41N   
CG: YEAH I KNOW.  
CG: I’M 2ORRY ABOUT THAT, OKAY?  
CG: IT’2 NO MORE FUN FOR YOU THAN IT I2 FOR ME, I GUE22.   
GC: !t 1S FunNY, 1n $ W4y  
GC: B#c4US3 yOU 4cTU4lLy l!St3N  
GC: $nd YOu dONt l!St3N V3rY Oft#N   
CG: LOOK TZ, OUR EMPERROR I2 BOTHERING ME AGAIN.  
CG: CAN WE CONTINUE THI2 LATER, PLEA2E?   
GC: ok$Y k4RKl3S  
GC: GooD LucK W1tH #qu!Us   
CG: THANK2.

\-- codingGenius [CG] ceased trolling gloweringColorist [GC] –

You really have no idea why she bothers with you, really. There is honestly nothing about you that anyone could possibly like and one of the main reasons you feel that way is contacting you right now.

You wish you could let this asshole wait until his neural network explodes, but unfortunately you can’t do anything like that, because he would most likely just end up killing you for not being worth the trouble anymore.

**Karkat: Answer Emperror**

You might as well get this over with. You know what he’s going to ask of you. He always asks the exact same thing.

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

CT: 3---E Vantas.  
CT: 3---E Vantas.  
CT: 3---E Vantas i know y00 are there.  
CT: 3---E I order y00 to answer me.   
CG: I AM 2ORRY 2IR.  
CG: I WA2 TALKING 2 THE 2UBJUGGLATOR.   
CT: 3---E Oh.  
CT: 3---E Well i suppose that is a%eptable.  
CT: 3---E I have another request to make of y00.  
CT: 3---E This is not a request y00 can refuse.   
CG: YE2, 2IR, I HAD GATHERED THAT.  
CG: I’M 2TARTING 2 NOTICE A PATTERN IN YOUR REQUE2T2.   
CT: 3---E Do not talk back to me vantas.  
CT: 3---E Y00 have no right to sp3---Ek to me unless i grant y00 permission.   
CG: YE2 2IR.  
CG: I APOLOGI2E 2IR.   
CT: 3---E Apologies a%epted.  
CT: 3---E Do not let it happen again.   
CG: IT WON’T 2IR.   
CT: 3---E Very g00d.  
CT: 3---E I n3---Ed y00 to unblock me on his account again.  
CT: 3---E I am certain y00 will be able to make it last longer than in your previous attempt.  
CT: 3---E One might think that y00 are not doing your best.   
CG: OF COUR2E I AM, 2IR.  
CG: BUT I’M 2URE YOU’LL APPRECIATE HOW MY 2KILL2 HAVE IMPROVED.  
CG: BUT MAY I A2K A QUE2TION, 2IR?   
CT: 3---E Permission granted.   
CG: WHY DO YOU 2TILL BOTHER WITH THI2 GUY?  
CG: WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING INVOLVED 2O PER2ONALLY?  
CG: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK I2 2TOPPING YOU FROM JU2T 2ENDING HER AFTER HIM AND ENDING THI2 COMPLETELY A22-BACKWARD2 CHARADE RIGHT NOW?   
CT: 3---E I will not allow y00 to sp3---Ek like that to your superiors.  
CT: 3---E And do not even bother apologising.  
CT: 3---E I know you will not m3---En it.   
CG: YE2 2IR.   
CT: 3---E Those were thr3---E questions.  
CT: 3---E Y00 will rec3---Eve an answer to none of them since my relationship with him is entirely private and none of your business whatsoever.   
CG: 2IR, HE I2 MAKING A MOCKERY OF YOUR ENTIRE REGIME AND HE I2 THE ONLY REA2ON THERE I2 EVEN A REBELION LEFT.  
CG: BUT, 2URE, WHATEVER 2INK2 YOUR PARTICULAR 2HIP, 2IR.  
CG: IT’2 NOT MY BU2INE22, I2 IT?   
CT: 3---E No it is not.  
CT: 3---E Y00 w001d do well to remember that.  
CT: 3---E As y00 w001d also do well to remember who is k3---Eping y00 safe.  
CT: 3---E If y00 still harbor any intentions to join this rebellion remember what they know of y00.  
CT: 3---E I am the only reason y00 are e%empt from the system.  
CT: 3---E And for that i also protect y00 from those who hate y00 because of it.  
CT: 3---E One w001d think y00 w001d be more grateful.   
CG: I AM GRATEFUL, 2IR.   
CT: 3---E G00d.  
CT: 3---E Now get to it.

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

CG: GO FUCK YOUR2ELF YOU ENTITLED, OVERBEARING, 2MUG 2ON OF A FEMALE WOOFBEA2T’2 RECTAL CAVITY.

You hate Equius Zahhak almost as much as you hate yourself. He was the enabler to you ending up in this fucked up situation in the first place. You wish you could blame him for more, but you can’t. You know exactly who’s responsible for your situation and that’s you alone.

But that does not stop you from hating him. Too bad he’ll never hate you back, you guess. You’re just a pawn in his little game and pretty much expendable at that. You’re nothing to him and that just makes you so extremely PISSED OFF.

And being pissed off doesn’t stop you from doing what he asked of you, either.

God fucking damnit the voices are acting up again. That’s what being angry does accomplish for you.

Why don’t we go around being someone else?

**Be ‘Him’**

Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you-

Hold that thought for a moment, motherfucker, someone’s trolling you.

**Gamzee: Answer Emperor**

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling technicallyColorblind [TC] \--

CT: 3---E Mister makara.   
TC: hey there motherfucker.  
TC: what’s up down under?   
CT: 3---E I order y00 not to sp3---Ek like that to your superiors.   
TC: no can do my main motherfuckin troll.  
TC: i ain’t got any superiors.   
CT: 3---E I do not think y00 quite understand.  
CT: 3---E Regardless of who or what y00 are i am your superior.  
CT: 3---E My b100d is pr00f of this.   
TC: oh man is it?  
TC: shit let me get right down to this whole worshipping the emperor business like every main motherfucker on this motherfuckin planet.  
TC: equius, you don’t even know my motherfuckin blood and you sure as hell aren’t going to find out in the next motherfuckin couple of hours.   
CT: 3---E Your continued lack of respect for everything i stand for is somewhat disconcerting.  
CT: 3---E Although perhaps y00 should know y00 thank your continued e%istance only to me.   
TC: man that ain’t even true.  
TC: if it wasn’t for you i wouldn’t even be needing to thank my miraculous motherfuckin life to anyone.  
TC: but hey, thanks for the memories and all that shit right?   
CT: 3---E That is entirely untr00 and y00 are well aware of it.  
CT: 3---E If i were not in charge as y00 s3---Em to wish someone else w001d be.  
CT: 3---E And i can assure y00 that this other troll w001d not be quite as forgiving of your anti%.  
CT: 3---E As it happens my second in command is e%tremely an%ious to find y00 herself.  
CT: 3---E I am the only one stopping her.  
CT: 3---E For now.   
TC: oh man.  
TC: YOU ARE THE RULING CLASS MOTHERFUCKER.  
TC: SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN MOTHERFUCKIN JOB.  
TC: YOU RULE, YOU SACK OF PURPLE MOTHERFUCKIN SHIT.  
TC: THAT MEANS YOU GET TO CHANGE SHIT.  
TC: THIS SHIT AIN’T DIFFICULT.  
TC: THIS SHIT DON’T EVEN NEED A MIRACLE.   
CT: 3---E Y00 seriously misunderstand the nature of my charity.  
CT: 3---E I do not want a world in which trolls of lesser classes can live alongside those of higher status in peace and harmony.  
CT: 3---E I am e%tremely pl3---Esed with the system as it e%ists right now.   
TC: well i sure as fuck ain’t.  
TC: i don’t really like being all oppressed and shit.  
TC: pretty sure a lot of my most trusted motherfuckin allies agree with me on that particular motherfuckin nuance of your system.   
CT: 3---E And as such y00 are an obstacle to be dealt with.   
TC: man, you got your motherfuckin bro vantas wrapped around your shining little fin.  
TC: not to mention that bitch of a serket.  
TC: if you wanted me motherfuckin dealt with i would be motherfuckin dealt with already.  
TC: so i’m not really getting the point of this conversation and shit.   
CT: 3---E Once again y00 misunderstand me.  
CT: 3---E Y00 are my personal enemy and i do not want y00 dead.  
CT: 3---E As y00 pointed out i easily c001d if that was my desire.  
CT: 3---E I want to see y00 hunted.  
CT: 3---E Hunted by me alone and when i finally have y00 in my sights y00 will understand that i do not need any underlings to do my work for me.  
CT: 3---E The ruling class e%ists for a reason.  
CT: 3---E And that reason is me.   
TC: you are so motherfuckin full of yourself it’s kind of embarrassing.  
TC: i’m not saying i don’t appreciate the effort you’re putting in this whole obsidian relationship we’ve got going, but sometimes i feel real motherfuckin sorry for you.  
TC: because you just don’t motherfuckin understand.  
TC: i don’t understand shit either.  
TC: not yet, i guess.  
TC: but at least i don’t motherfuckin pretend i have it all worked out.   
CT: 3---E Y00 think this entire time i have been lying to myself about my own philosophy.  
CT: 3---E That e%plains a lot i must admit.  
CT: 3---E But it is incorrect.  
CT: 3---E I am not pretending.   
TC: that don’t even motherfuckin matter, equius.  
TC: because in a few hours this whole motherfuckin situation is going to change.   
CT: 3---E What.  
CT: 3---E Elaborate.   
TC: don’t have much to elaborate on, motherfucker.  
TC: that’s pretty much all i’ve been told.  
TC: there’s a conspiracy running through your ranks, brother.  
TC: and with just a single push your empire is going to fall down to its pathetic motherfuckin knees.  
TC: AND I WILL HAVE FRONT ROW MOTHERFUCKIN SEATS, YOU SEABREATHING FISHFACED MOTHERFUCKER.  
TC: YOUR DEMISE WILL BE GLORIOUS AND I WON’T EVEN HAVE TO LIFT A MOTHERFUCKIN FINGER TO DO IT.  
TC: IT’S ALREADY STARTED MOTHERFUCKER.  
TC: THE PIECES ARE ALREADY IN PLACE.  
TC: AND SOON THE FIRST STONE WILL BE TIPPED.  
TC: REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE END IS NIGH.   
CT: 3---E And the most entertaining part about this rant is that y00 s3---Em to bel3---Eve every single word of it.  
CT: 3---E Y00 do not possess the power to initiate such a large-scale event.  
CT: 3---E And neither do your allies.  
CT: 3---E Your threats are empty mister makara.  
CT: 3---E Empty and misguided.  
CT: 3---E I have already won.   
TC: you know what motherfucker?  
TC: i’m not even going to motherfuckin block you.  
TC: just so i can watch you realise how motherfuckin mistaken you really are.  
TC: i’m already looking motherfuckin forward to the breaking of that calm motherfuckin persona you’re so motherfuckin fond of.  
TC: rule it, motherfucker.  
TC: it’s the last chance you’re ever going to get.

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] ceased trolling controllingTyrant [CT] \--

You have to tell your kismesis what’s up on the motherfuckin planning board, after all.

Anyway.

**Gamzee: Introduce Yourself**

Right, your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and you are a really BUSY MOTHERFUCKIN TROLL. You decide to leave the cursing out of your introduction to make it less tedious to read through.

You have been ON THE RUN for about a sweep now, ever since THE REBELLION started. It really doesn’t bother you very much, though, because you LIKE TO TRAVEL and visit all of your devout followers. You do not have many yet, but you HAVE PATIENCE, although you’ve been assured that DOES NOT MATTER anymore.

You are a member of an OBSCURE CULT that has RECENTLY GONE SOMEWHAT MAINSTREAM and you take your beliefs VERY SERIOUSLY. This cult puts strong faith in MIRACLES but you know that, sometimes, you just have to MAKE YOUR OWN. It also believes that, technically, the Hemospectrum IS IRRELEVANT, for various reasons. This is also why you are keeping your BLOOD COLOR SECRET, among other reasons. Your kismesis knows all of this.

You also like to PLAY MUSIC every once in a while, although this is really none of ANYONE’S BUSINESS and you would prefer it if you did not have to mention this again.

Your trolltag is technicallyColorblind and you are totally motherfuckin chill UNTIL YOU GET SERIOUSLY MOTHERFUCKIN INVESTED.

There are a lot of things about to happen that you think we aren’t ready to see yet, so you kindly suggest we go be some other motherfuckin troll for a while, okay?


	2. Be the Brownblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is FEFERI PEIXES, although that name is LARGELY IRRELEVANT.
> 
> \---
> 
> Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO and you are GETTING READY for AN ADVENTURE.

**Be the Brownblood**

Your name is FEFERI PEIXES, although that name is LARGELY IRRELEVANT. In fact, you could say that your ENTIRE BEING has been and will be LARGELY IRRELEVANT. You are A PRISONER, of sorts, although merely being a prisoner would be so much better than what you actually are.

You used to enjoy COMMUNING WITH THE WILDLIFE, which was helped in a large part by your PSYCHIC POWERS. Now you are not allowed near any animals except your loyal LUSUS TINKERBULL, because he is COMPLETELY HARMLESS, just like you.

You didn’t know what you wanted to do when you grew up, except that it would be SOMETHING WORTH DOING, something you might BE REMEMBERED BY. You guess you came pretty close, for a little while. Now, however, you are NOTHING.

You didn’t have many interests other than TAKING CARE of FLORA AND FAUNA of all sorts and you did quite a lot of work in your GARDEN. The garden of your OLD HIVE, that is. You guess having a talent for that comes in handy now.

There are many nights that you wish you DID NOT EXIST.

Your trolltag is cultureCultivated and you have a rea11y down-to-earth attitude.

You are currently in your respiteblock, which is, coincidentally, your entire hive, waiting for your next command.

That is odd, someone other than your Mistress is contacting you. You weren’t aware you had any friends that still did that.

 **Peixes: Answer AA**

You aren’t really sure if you should, because it could be very dangerous. Then again, you haven’t talked to one of your real friends in a very long time.

You decide to answer.

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

AA: f3f3ri!  
AA: i hav3 good n3ws for you!   
CC: Aradia what are you doing?  
CC: 1t’s not that 1’m not happy to hare from you, but you know 1’m not a11owed to ta1k to you.  
CC: 1f she catches me 1’m toast.   
AA: that is 3xactly what th3 good n3ws is about!  
AA: our plan has finally start3d!  
AA: soon you will b3 fr33 again!   
CC: That is really exCI---Iting.  
CC: But why are you te11ing me this?  
CC: Now she’s going to notice a difference in my behavior.   
AA: i just want3d to giv3 you som3 hop3  
AA: and it is not fals3 hop3 3ith3r  
AA: things ar3 finally looking up for us  
AA: you only n33d to b3 strong for a littl3 whil3 long3r  
AA: w3 ar3 all so v3ry proud of you  
AA: pl33s3 do not l3t h3r g3t you down   
CC: Thank you very much Aradia.  
CC: You can te11 ever1 e1se 1 said that, too.  
CC: Your continued trust in me means so much.  
CC: But 1 beg you, please, don’t ta1k to me again.  
CC: 1t’s way too dangerous for both of us.  
CC: 1’m sorry Aradia.  
CC: 1 have to go.   
AA: okay :((  
AA: i will l33v3 you alon3 th3n  
AA: good luck f3f3ri   
CC: Thank you.

\-- cultureCultivated [CC] ceased trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA] \--

You are not sure how to feel about this. Empty, maybe. Hollow. Yes, that’s it. Hollow. All she tried to do was make you feel better and you just told her off.

But you had to! You couldn’t let your Mistress find out about this or you would get culled and she would have found out, too! You’re still not sure she won’t!

But trying to justify that to yourself won’t make you feel any better. You hope she understands. She probably does. Now you just have to wipe your brown-stained cheeks before you meet your Mistress again.

 **Peixes: Describe Your Respiteblock**

You would, but there’s really nothing to describe. You just have a recuperacoon and a husktop. You aren’t allowed to have anything else except for your clothes and you’re only allowed to have a husktop so your Mistress can tell you to do something without having to come down in person.

Your clothes are also entirely grey, since you are not allowed to wear your sign anymore. You are pretty sure it resembled the shape of your horns, though.

You cannot even see the sea outside of your Mistress’ hive, since there are no windows. However, you can still hear it. Every day and every night. You would like to imagine it sounds like freedom, but you’ve been hearing it for far too long to still believe that.

It looks like your Mistress needs you again.

 **Peixes: Answer Mistress**

\-- aquaticGriefer [AG] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

AG: Peixessss!  
AG: Anssssver me!   
CC: Yes, Mistress.   
AG: Very good.  
AG: I ssssupposssse thissss issss vhere I sssshould assssk you hov you are.   
CC: Very good, Mistress.   
AG: I do not recall actually assssking.   
CC: I’m sorry, Mistress.   
AG: That’ssss better.  
AG: Nov then, you have been a very good sssslave lately.  
AG: You may be expecting ssssome ssssort of reward.  
AG: But I think the lack of punisssshement sssshall have to do.   
CC: Thank you, Mistress.   
AG: Vhat have you been doing all night long, Peixessss?  
AG: Thissss issss out of genuine curiossssity, you undersssstand.   
CC: 1 have been waiting for your command, Mistress.   
AG: That issss ssssuch hoofbeasssstsssshit, Peixessss.  
AG: Vhat did you do?   
CC: 1 did not do anything, Mistress.  
CC: There is nothing 1 can do, Mistress.   
AG: You ssssound disssspleassssed, Peixessss.  
AG: Issss there anything I can do to make your stay at my humble abode more pleassssant?  
AG: Ssssomething to easssse your troublessss?  
AG: Anything to take your mind off of thosssse you left behind?  
AG: Hov dissssappointed they musssst be.  
AG: Although you don’t care, do you?  
AG: Not vith him dead.  
AG: Nothing elsssse matterssss to you anymore, doessss it?  
AG: Except perhapssss one thing.  
AG: But even the possssibility for revenge hassss been taken from you.  
AG: Hov ssssad an exisssstance you lead, Peixessss.  
AG: And the besssst part issss that I’m not even the one you blame for it.  
AG: You are abssssolutely pathetic, Peixessss.   
CC: 1 exist only to serve, Mistress.   
AG: Hahaha!  
AG: Ssssure you do.  
AG: Tell you what, Peixessss, vhen ve’ve von, I’ll let you kill him before I finally end your ssssuffering.  
AG: I’m ssssure you vould enjoy that, in the final fev ssssecondssss of your life.  
AG: And then you’ll finally be reunited.  
AG: How romantic.   
CC: Yes, Mistress.   
AG: Lissssten Peixessss, I knov you’re crying right nov, but I don’t vant to ssssee a ssssingle ugly brovn sssstain on you vhen you bring me my lunch.  
AG: Sssso make ssssure you’re pressssentable vhen you get up here.   
CC: Of course, Mistress.   
AG: I’m ssssure our glorioussss emperor hassss more thingssss for me to do tonight.  
AG: Even if it’ssss only making you catch more lussssi for him.  
AG: Sssso hurry up.   
CC: 1 wi11, Mistress.   
AG: And get yoursssself ssssomething to eat on the vay here.  
AG: It vouldn’t do to have you die on the vay there, after all.   
CC: Yes, Mistress.

\-- aquaticGriefer [AG] ceased trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

You hate it when she knows you’re crying, because she doesn’t actually know. She’s just guessing, that’s all. But she always guesses right. She knows you far too well and every time you talk to her you can almost feel her wriggling her way into your mind and taking more of you away.

Ever since you became part of Vriska Serket’s hivehold, she has been rubbing what you now call ‘the Event’ in your face every conversation you’ve had. It doesn’t matter if there’s actually any cause to it, she’ll just steer the conversation in that direction anyway, just to spite you. You’ve been trying to ignore it, to let her ramble on, but you can’t stop it from hurting you. Time and time again.

You really wish you were dead. But you can’t die. Not yet. There are still people counting on you, and you will not let them down.

 **Peixes: Make Lunch**

So for now you will be making lunch for your Mistress. In the meantime, you’ll grab yourself something significantly less nourishing to eat and try not to think about him. Try not to think about your best (and maybe even a bit more than that) friend your Mistress killed.

You will make a small, but slightly obvious mistake in the lunch so your Mistress doesn’t ask any questions about anything else.

You will be beaten for it, and then you’ll have to clean yourself up before your next task. You reason we probably don’t want to see any of that, and suggest we go be someone else now.

It’s not like you’re at all significant, anyway.

 **Be ‘Him’**

n0

 **Be AA**

You are now THE GREENBLOOD, which makes sense, because you’ve ALWAYS BEEN THE GREENBLOOD.

Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO and you are GETTING READY for AN ADVENTURE. This is not really worth mentioning, as such, because you are ALWAYS GETTING READY for adventures. ADVENTURING is one of your main INTERESTS, after all.

Although this adventure is definitely SPECIAL and you have been working to make sure it starts for QUITE A LONG WHILE, together with a few of your friends. You were specifically asked by one of them because of your OTHER MAIN INTEREST, which is ARCHAEOLOGY.

You are filled with RENEWED RESOLVE due to this new adventure, because you have been having a SHITTY COUPLE OF PERIGREES, if you will excuse your language, ever since THE EVENT.

Because of THE EVENT, you have also been rather reluctant in indulging in another interest, namely ROLEPLAYING. The only trolls you can still play with ARE NOT VERY NICE. You have noticed that is a very common trait in trolls, and you are glad that you found a few who DEVIATE FROM THE NORM.

You like to call your hive the HOME BASE for your adventures, although, in reality, it is just A CAVE, but it is an AWESOME CAVE. It holds all sorts of TROPHIES you have dug up in your travels and you are VERY PROUD of them.

Your trolltag is adventureArchaeologist and you lik3 to think you sp33k in a slightly silly mann3r

You don’t socialize much.

 **Aradia: Exposit**

As previously mentioned, you were getting ready for an adventure. You had a lot of help from a friend in arranging the adventure and now it is in the hands of another troll to finish and then you can finally start adventuring. You are really looking forward to this adventure, even more so than every other one, because this one is going to change everything.

Really, the importance of everything changing is almost equal to the importance of having fun during it.

Although, the anticipation is really killing you. Maybe you should talk to another friend to occupy yourself before you accidentally break down your cave?

 **Aradia: Talk To Partner In Peace**

Yes, you’ll talk to that friend. He can be a little slow sometimes, but if you’re patient enough he can turn out to be really smart!

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA] began trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

AA: h3llo tavros!   
AT: oH! hELLO aRADIA,  
AT: hOW aRE yOU dOING tONIGHT?   
AA: i am doing good tavros  
AA: in fact i am doing b3tt3r than good  
AA: i am doing gr3at!  
AA: how about you?   
AT: tHAT iS vERY gOOD tO hEAR, tHAT yOU aRE dOING gREAT,  
AT: i aM dOING oKAY, i gUESS,  
AT: tHERE iS nOT mUCH gOING oN hERE iN tHE dESERT, wHERE i lIVE  
AT: iS tHERE aNYTHING sPECIAL hAPPENING tHAT mAKES yOU fEEL sO gREAT?  
AT: nOT tHAT yOU nEED a sPECIAL rEASON, oR aNYTHING,   
AA: as a matt3r of fact th3r3 is!  
AA: do you know who i just talk3d to?   
AT: fEFERI?   
AA: :oo  
AA: how did you gu3ss that?   
AT: sHE iS tHE oNLY oNE tHAT wOULD mAKE yOU fEEL sO gREAT, bESIDES,,,  
AT: wELL, yOU kNOW,   
AA: y3ah :((   
AT: sORRY,   
AA: its ok   
AT: hOW iS sHE dOING?   
AA: sh3 was r33lly r33lly sad :((   
AT: }:(   
AA: but our f3f3ri is still in th3r3 som3wh3r3!  
AA: sh3 still has hop3 l3ft!  
AA: and soon w3 will b3 abl3 to sav3 h3r!  
AA: and that is why tonight is a gr3at night   
AT: iT iS fINAlLY sTARTING tHEN?   
AA: y3s!   
AT: oKAY tHAT rEALLY iS a gREAT tHING,  
AT: i aM vERY pREPARED fOR eVERYTHING tHAT iS gOING tO hAPPEN,  
AT: bUT i aM aLSO kIND oF sAD aBOUT tODAY,  
AT: bECAUSE i tHINK mY lUSUS iS gOING tO dIE tODAY,  
AT: aND tHAT iS dEFINITELY sOMETHING, tO bE sAD aBOUT,   
AA: oh no!  
AA: you hav3 th3 v3ry b3st lusus out of all of us  
AA: why is sh3 going to di3?   
AT: i dON’T rEALLY kNOW,  
AT: i tHINK iT iS jUST hER tIME tO dIE nOW,  
AT: i gUESS i aLWAYS kNEW sHE wOULD dIE eARLY, bECAUSE sHE hAD cHOSEN tO tAKE cARE oF mE,  
AT: bUT sHE iS lEAVING sOMETHING bEHIND fOR mE aND i aM gOING tO mAKE hER pROUD oF mE, bY dOING wHAT sHE nEEDS mE tO dO,   
AA: what is it?   
AT: i tHINK, i wOULD lIKE tO kEEP tHAT a sECRET, fOR nOW, iF tHAT iS oKAY?  
AT: bECAUSE yOU mIGHT lIKE, tHE sURPRISE,   
AA: sur3 thats alright  
AA: although now you hav3 mad3 m3 r33lly curious!  
AA: but thats ok i can wait   
AT: tHANK yOU, aRADIA,  
AT: i rEALLY tHINK oUR fUTURE iS gOING tO bE rEALLY iNTERESTING aND eXCITING aND tHAT eVERYTHING wILL bE aLRIGHT fOR uS,   
AA: you almost sound lik3 you alr3ady know som3thing   
AT: i cANNOT cOMMENT oN tHAT aT aLL, };)   
AA: h33h33  
AA: w3ll tavros i am glad w3 talk3d but i hav3 to go now   
AT: oKAY, i wILL sEE yOU lATER, tHEN,   
AA: of cours3!

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA] ceased trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

 **Aradia: Meet Other Friend**

You still have to talk to another friend before everything is finally in place. This friend is a bit special though. You’re pretty sure most people would not believe he was even talking to you, but he is, and he’s important.

He is going to help you change the world.

It really is a shame we do not get to see him yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vriska Serket is quite possibly the worst person ever in this AU. The one thing I had in mind when I came up with her character was that she's for the people who feel they should hate canon!Vriska, but can't bring themselves to do so.
> 
> Feferi is the most depressing character I've ever written and that's really all I want to say about her right now. I just feel like a horrible person for having written that.


	3. Be the Tealblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you are AWESOME.
> 
> \---
> 
> Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and you are FEELING GIDDY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance to any Nepeta fans out there.

**Be the Tealblood**

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you are AWESOME. This is not your opinion, it is A FACT you are stating for the record. You are ABSOLUTELY AWESOME in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.

Some of the things that make you AWESOME are the fact that you live in a TREEHIVE in the middle of A FOREST and it is ONE OF A KIND, the fact that you have TWO SETS OF HORNS, which is JUST COOL, and also the fact that you are a BADASS.

You dream of one day being a LEGENDARY LEGISLACERATOR and you will hunt down EVILDOERS no matter where they go. Technically you should be loyal to THE LAW and THE LAW ONLY, but since THE EMPEROR makes THE LAW, you are loyal to THE EMPEROR too.

He will send you into IMPENETRABLE FORTRESSES and you will DRAG YOUR TARGET OUT alive, if necessary, and dead, if not, without even A SCRATCH ON YOU, because that is just HOW GOOD YOU ARE. Yeah, you’re kind of FULL OF YOURSELF, but YOU TOTALLY DESERVE TO BE.

Aside from all of that, you like to roleplay as an AWESOME DRAGON with some of your friends.

Your trolltag is targetAcquired and you like to 5how off the thing5 that make you 5o incredibly awe5ome,..,

Did you mention that you have A LISP yet? No? Good, let’s keep it that way.

Life’s been pretty boring recently, since the rebellion hasn’t been doing much, although you’ve been told you’re going to be allowed to make your move soon. You’re looking forward to it. Until then you’re going to be doing what you’ve been doing since you really started living: train, train, train. You have to let people know you’re taking this job seriously, after all.

You also talk to your maybe-slightly-crazy friends a lot. Especially a cerulean-blooded girl you have a kind of complicated relationship with. She’s really weird, which is kind of interesting, you guess?

She must’ve noticed you came online, since she’s contacting you right now.

**Sollux: Answer AC**

Best not to let a crazy catgirl waiting, you suppose.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten carefully approaches her draconic friend*  
TA: *the dragon roar5 to 5how off and a5k5 the kitten how 5he’’s doing*  
AC: ::::3 *the kitten chuckles at the dragons dominating display and answers that she is doing feline*  
AC: ::::3 *she also asks how her friend is doing*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon reveal5 that he i5n’’t doing very well*  
AC: ::::o *the kitten blinks her eight eyes in surprise*  
AC: ::::( *”What’s wrong?” she asks*  
TA: yeah,, i wa5 going to come up with 5omething wrong for my awe5ome dragon,,  
TA: but then i reali5ed there’’5 no way i’’m going to top the dark wizard of la5t night,..,  
AC: ::::3 yes the dark wizard was amazing!  
AC: ::::3 i especially liked the screams of agony as my little kitten clawed his eyes out!  
TA: “Oh Gods, why can’t my eyes stand all this horrible cute!?”  
AC: xxxx3 that was so funny!  
TA: 5o yeah,, you’’ll have to give me 5ome time to come up with a new roleplaying 5cenario,..,  
AC: ::::3 we can play one of my games?  
TA: nepeta,, no offence,, but your 5cenario5 tend to creep me the fuck out,..,  
TA: i don’’t mean that they’’re bad or anything,,  
TA: but they’’re ju5t really morbid and freaky,..,  
TA: i need to be in the right mood for tho5e thing5, you under5tand?  
AC: ::::3 awwwwwwww its so cute when you dont want to hurt my feelings!  
AC: ::::3 dont worry about it sollux!  
AC: ::::3 im sure terezi will want to play with me later  
AC: ::::3 shes always up for the freaky stuff!  
TA: okay,, 5eriou5ly?  
TA: there are thing5 i really don’’t need to know,..,  
TA: and i’’m pretty 5ure that wa5 one of them,..,  
AC: ;;;;3 did the cute little kitten just fluster the awesome dragon?  
AC: ::::3 i didnt want to embarrass you!  
TA: look nepeta,, what you do with the only girl that’’5 crazier than you i5 your bu5ine55,,  
TA: but i 5eriou5ly DO NOT need to know about any of your per5onal e5capade5,..,  
AC: ::::( but solluuuuuuuux!  
AC: ::::( i thought you liked my crazy  
TA: i like your crazy from a relatively 5ane viewpoint,, not from down in the depth5 of 5hithive maggot5 girl5 and whatever completely in5ane hobbie5 you came up with,..,  
TA: there’’5 a 5ignificant difference,..,  
TA: in fact that’’5 pretty much the mo5t 5ignificant difference ever,..,  
AC: ::::3 okay ill stop  
AC: ::::3 you can continue to watch the crazy girls from over at sane hill  
AC: ::::3 you can be so melodramatic sometimes!  
TA: yeah,, 5ure,, i’’m the melodramatic one,..,  
AC: ::::3 so what have you been up to this evening?  
AC: ::::3 i know how you like to get up early!  
TA: i wa5 out5ide training,..,  
TA: 5ince before du5k, actually,..,  
AC: ::::o but the sun!  
AC: ::::o its supposed to burn right?  
AC: ::::o thats what is supposed to happen!  
TA: it did burn a bit,, i gue55,..,  
TA: the tree5 give me a pretty good cover,, though,, 5o it didn’’t hurt too much,..,  
AC: ::::3 you should be careful with that!  
AC: ::::3 after all we wouldnt want your cute teal little corpse eaten by the roaming alternian fauna!  
AC: ::::3 that would be such a shame!  
TA: i ju5t couldn’’t 5leep,..,  
TA: again,..,  
AC: ::::o did you have another daymare?  
TA: ye5.  
TA: i wa5 on a purple planet 5urrounded by darkne55,..,  
TA: and there were all the5e black figure5 running around,,  
TA: running away from me,, i gue55,,  
TA: i’’m pretty 5ure they were trying to hide,, but they weren’’t very good at it,..,  
AC: ::::3 as if anything could hide from the awesome dragon!  
TA: i know,, right?  
TA: anyway,, there wa5 a fla5h of purple before my eye5 and then i couldn’’t 5ee anything anymore,..,  
TA: but there were voice5,, echoing through my head,, a5 if telling me exactly what was where and it wa5 almo5t a5 if they were helping me navigate,..,  
TA: except there wa5 5omething 5eriously wrong with the5e voice5,,  
TA: like i couldn’’t actually hear or under5tand them,,  
TA: almo5t a5 if they were coming from in5ide of me or 5omething,..,  
TA: i’’m not 5ure how to de5cribe it,..,  
AC: ::::3 that sounds like an awesome dream!  
AC: ::::3 i would love to have a dream like that!  
AC: ::::3 but my dreams are awesome too!  
TA: i’’m not even 5ure why i have them,..,  
TA: i mean,, i’’m only teal,, right?  
TA: my daymare5 5houldn’’t be that bad and they definitely 5houldn’’t be able to get through the 5opor,..,  
AC: ::::3 i dont know  
AC: ::::3 i havent slept in sopor slime for ages!  
AC: ::::3 you should try it sometimes!  
AC: ::::3 the dreams are a lot more fun and colorful that way!  
TA: yeah,, 5ee,, that 5ound5 like the 5ort of brilliant plan that i5 not going to get me killed one night,..,  
AC: ::::3 i know!  
AC: ::::3 so are you going to try it?  
TA: i promi5e i’’ll try it tomorrow,..,  
AC: ::::3 your promises are worthless and you know it!  
AC: ::::3 you are really dishonest for a legislacerator!  
TA: promi5e5 are only word5,, nepeta,..,  
TA: they really only mean what we want them to mean,..,  
AC: xxxx( bluh!  
AC: xxxx( how can anyone ever trust you with that attitude?  
TA: becau5e i follow order5 and am generally awe5ome,..,  
TA: i’’m tru5tworthy becau5e of my action5,, not becau5e of my word5,..,  
AC: ::::3 well then i order you to sleep without sopor slime tomorrow!  
TA: really?  
TA: do you want to pull the hemo5pectrum on me?  
TA: becau5e if you want i’’ll run thi5 order by equiu5 and 5ee what he ha5 to 5ay about it,..,  
AC: xxxx( youre no fun at all sometimes!  
AC: xxxx( going over my cute little head like that!  
AC: ::::3 i would never pull the hemospectrum on you sollux  
AC: ::::3 youre my friend and friends dont do that  
AC: ::::3 and you would throw a fit exactly like you did just now so its not even worth it!  
AC: ::::3 and its not like i can even force you to obey me anyway so the point is completely irrelevant!  
TA: i’’m glad you came to that conclu5ion,..,  
AC: ::::3 me too!  
AC: ::::3 i will be going now  
TA: okay 5ee ya,..,

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

You swear there’s something seriously messed up in her thinkpan, but you’re definitely not the right kind of person to do something about it. You would have no idea where to start untangling the knot of issues this girl has anyway.

Yeah, she freaks you out. You’re not afraid to admit that, but she’s kind of cool in her own way. You do have to tread carefully with her, but you’re pretty good at treading carefully, anyway.

It is pretty obvious to you, now, that Nepeta might not have been the right person to talk to about your daymare, all things considered. You do have another friend that might be able to give you adequate advice, though, although that conversation is going to be a bit of a hassle. You would call her your therapist, if trolls had therapists.

**Sollux: Contact Therapist**

So we’re just going with ‘therapist’, then? Fine.

\-- targetAcquired [TA] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

TA: kanaya,, i need your help ,..,  
GA: And A Very Pleasant Night To Yov As Well, Sollvx.  
GA: What Can I Do For Yov?  
TA: i had another daymare today,..,  
GA: Yov Have Experienced Another Perilovs Jovrney Throvgh The Depths Of Yovr Svbconsciovs?  
GA: What Was The Most Vnsettling Event Yov Encovntered?  
TA: it’’5 hone5tly pretty fucking 5urprising how quickly you manage to make me regret thi5,..,  
GA: What Is Even More Svrprising To Me Is The Fact That, Despite Ovr Repeated Past Interactions, My Behaviovr Continves To Catch Yov Off Gvard.  
GA: Somehow Yovr Mental Image Of Me Still Conflicts With My Actval Being.  
TA: there’’5 pretty much no way to 5top you from getting off on thi5,, i5 there?  
GA: Any Personal Enjoyment I May Derive From This Conversation Is Entirely Irrelevant Compared To The Professionalism I Will Provide, I Assvre Yov.  
GA: I Will Control Myself, However That Does Mean Yov Will Owe Me Another Favovr.  
TA: i’’m not modeling for you again,, if that’5 what you’re a5king,..,  
GA: I Am Certain We Can Think Of Another Way For Yov To Repay Me.  
GA: Bvt That Can Wait Vntil We Are Finished.  
TA: i’’m not falling for that one again,..,  
TA: you don’’t get to name a favor after i already owe it to you,..,  
GA: Yov Do Not Trvst Me?  
TA: kanaya,, you know damn well that your favor5 tend to take a wrong turn at awkward lane and end up on embara55ing 5treet in5tead,..,  
GA: Even Yov Mvst Admit Yov Looked Positively Adorable In That Dress.  
TA: i looked po5itively awe5ome in that dre55,..,  
TA: and that’’5 only becau5e i look po5itively awe5ome in ab5olutely anything,..,  
TA: and al5o becau5e your dre55 wa5 pretty good,, i gue55,..,  
TA: i don’’t know 5hit about fa5hion,..,  
GA: I Assvre Yov The Dress Did Play A Part In The Resvlt.  
GA: Now Then, Shall We Continve?  
TA: you 5till haven’’t mentioned the favor i owe you,..,  
GA: Very Well Then, I Shall Give Yov My Advice For Free, For Jvst This Once.  
GA: This Will Not Be A Regvlar Occvrance, Mind Yov.  
TA: i wa5 getting worried there, for a moment,..,  
GA: Now Then, Enlighten Me.  
TA: i wa5 on a planet 5urrounded by darkne55,..,  
TA: it wa5n’’t ju5t night,, becau5e it wa5 the kind of place where it never would be day,..,  
TA: there were all the5e 5hadowy 5hape5,, hiding from me,, but they weren’’t very good at it,..,  
TA: it wa5 almo5t a5 if they were afraid of 5omething,..,  
TA: me,, maybe,..,  
TA: or maybe they’’re ju5t wimp5 and afraid of everything,, what do i know?  
TA: i know what you’’re thinking,, 5o far 5o good,, right?  
TA: i mean,, the atmo5phere wa5 pretty fucking ten5e,, really,, a5 if the world knew what wa5 going to happen next,..,  
TA: 5o then i 5aw 5omething purple fla5h before my eye5 and then,, well,, nothing,..,  
TA: i couldn’’t 5ee 5hit anymore,..,  
TA: but there were all the5e voice5,, coming from nowhere or everywhere or in5ide of me,..,  
TA: fuck i have no idea,..,  
TA: it wa5 like they were telling me where to go,..,  
TA: not commanding me or telling me what to do or anything 5tupid like that,..,  
TA: ju5t guiding me,, i gue55,..,  
TA: 5o i took a few 5tep5 and with every 5tep i took there wa5 thi5 heavy 5en5ation,..,  
TA: not falling,, but more like 5omething huge pre55ing down on me,, cru5hing me,..,  
TA: while the voice5 started wondering why i wa5 acting 5o 5trange,..,  
TA: and 5lowly getting mad at me and eventually,, when i couldn’’t move anymore they 5tarted 5creaming at me,..,  
TA: fuck i’’m 5till freaking out about it,..,  
GA: That Is An Entirely Normal Reaction, Sollvx.  
GA: Was Yovr Lvsvs Present Dvring This, Or Was She Only Noteworthy By Her Absence?  
TA: i didn’’t 5ee her,..,  
TA: i don’’t know what’’5 gotten into her lately,..,  
TA: 5he alway5 u5ed to be there,..,  
GA: Perhaps She Considers These Dreams To Be Important To Yov.  
GA: Or Perhaps These Particvlar Dreams Come From A Sovrce She Cannot Control?  
GA: Whichever It Is, It Appears To Be Vital That Yov Vnderstand Them.  
GA: The Pressvre Might Indicate Responsibility And The Fact That Yov Are Overexerting Yovrself.  
GA: Did Yov Ever Consider Not Trying To Pvsh Ahead?  
TA: of cour5e not,..,  
TA: i kept going until i couldn’’t anymore,..,  
GA: That Seems To Be Rather Characteristic Of Yov, Yes.  
GA: Perhaps This Merely Indicates That Yovr Svbconsciovs Is Telling Yov To Not Press Yovr Limits As Much As Yov Have Been Doing So Far?  
TA: that’’5 a lot of perhap5’’ and might’’5,, i can’’t help but notice,..,  
GA: This Is Hardly An Exact Science.  
GA: I Covld Be Entirely Mistaken With Anything I Have Told Yov.  
GA: If That Is The Case I Can Only Hope I Helped Ease Yovr Mind To Some Degree.  
TA: yeah,, i gue55 you did,..,  
TA: thank5,..,  
GA: It Was My Pleasvre, Certainly.  
TA: wow,, it’’5 ab5olutely amazing how that perfectly innocent expre55ion turn5 into too much information when you 5ay it,..,  
GA: I Have Been Told That I Have A Way With Words, Yes.  
GA: Now, If Yov Ever Need Me Again, Do Not Hesitate To Inform Me Of Yovr Trovbles.  
TA: that wa5 crappy advice,..,  
GA: It Was, Also, Crappy Payment.  
GA: Goodbye Sollvx.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

That was at least somewhat helpful, you guess? Whatever.

**Sollux: Describe Hive**

As previously mentioned, you live in a treehive which, as far as you know, is one of a kind. It really is kind of hard to tell it’s there, though, since you went to great pains to camouflage the thing. You wish you’d thought of that when you were a grub, so you could’ve had the Building Drones do it for you, but, as it was, you had to do it yourself. The result was totally worth it.

Your hive is one of the most defensible hives you have ever encountered, and you would know, too. For one, there’s no way in from the ground. There is no ladder or anything of the sort. You have to get in via the trees around it. This poses no challenge to you whatsoever, after about a sweep of practice. There are, of course, traps all over the place. You’re not that good at setting traps, but you think they do the trick.

As for the interior, well, you have to admit you haven’t spend much time on it. Most blocks are pretty much redundant and everywhere else you keep all sorts of books. Books about Alternian law, of course, as well as several training manuals and all kinds of dragon literature. You keep those books, not only because you want to roleplay your character as accurately as possible, but also because you want to understand your lusus and be able to take care of her when she finally hatches.

You’re really looking forward to that. Not a single one of your friends has a lusus nearly as awesome as a dragon.

**Sollux: Train**

You’ll get right on that, actually. This was pretty much just taking a break, anyway. You have alternian wildlife to sneak up on, after all. It’s pretty rigorous, because if anything catches you, you’re suddenly in a whole lot of trouble. It’s a fun way to spend a night, really.

**Be ‘Him’**

What? No. That doesn’t even make any sense.

**Be AC**

Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and you ARE FEELING GIDDY. It should be noted, however, that this is your STANDARD STATE OF BEING.

You have been having a GOOD NIGHT because, if that were not the case, you would MAKE IT SO. Tonight is a good night, however, because you got to FEED YOUR LUSUS. You love feeding your lusus and watching her eat and it is SUCH A SHAME that you can’t do it every night because sometimes she is simply full. You could hunt for food anyway, but it would just spoil and that would be wasteful.

You think you vaguely remember a time where you DIDN’T LOVE your lusus, and may have even FEARED HER, but that seems awfully silly and unlike you, really.

You are A TRUE HUNTRESS and you make sure you UNDERSTAND YOUR PREY very well. You are helped in this by your VISION EIGHTFOLD and the really cool MIND CONTROL ABILITIES that come with it.

When you are not out hunting you like to SHIP EVERYONE YOU KNOW, and even a lot of people you don’t know. These ships always come true, you MAKE SURE OF IT.

You also enjoy ROLEPLAYING, including THE DANGEROUS KIND. Your character is a SPIDER-KITTEN because you LOVE SPIDERS AND KITTENS. To show your COMMITMENT to this character, you asked your NEIGHBOR to build you ROBOT SPIDER ARMS, which she did.

Your trolltag is arachnophileChipper and ::::3 you begin every line with the face of your cute kitten!

**Nepeta: Roleplay**

You know exactly who you’ll play with tonight! She’s always fun and unpredictable.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling gloweringColorist [GC] \--

AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten spots her friend and carefully claws her way over to her, looking adorable*  
AC: ::::3 *she greets her friend with a beaming smile, showing her teeth*  
AC: ::::3 *”Hello!” she says*  
AC: ::::3 terezi?  
AC: ::::3 helloooooooo?  
AC: ::::3 are you there?  
GC: Oh  
GC: h#Llo N#p3T$!  
GC: 1 4M SorRY  
GC: 1 4M R34LLy bUSy r!Ght NOw >:[  
AC: ::::( but terezi!  
AC: ::::( i want to plaaaaaaaay!  
GC: 1 $Lso W$nt TO pl$Y  
GC: buT ! c4NNot PL4y R!ghT Now >:[  
AC: ::::( awwwwwwww  
AC: ::::3 what are you so busy with?  
GC: ! $m nOT t3LL1nG  
GC: !t 1S $ s3CR3t >;]  
AC: ::::3 but thats no fun at all!  
AC: ::::3 please tell me what youre doing!  
GC: NO 1 w!Ll nOT  
GC: 4nD You C$nnOT coNV1nC# m3  
GC: TO t3LL yoU $nyW$y  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
AC: ::::3 please please please please please please please please  
GC: tH$t 1S W4y TOo m$Ny  
GC: oF Th3 S$me WOrd  
GC: !N 4 rOW  
AC: ::::3 i know!  
AC: ::::3 now tell me!  
GC: yoU W1lL H4v# To dO  
GC: $ loT B3tT#r tH$n 3!Ght SQu4R#d  
GC: tO ConV!nc# M3  
GC: tO T3lL You $Nyw$Y  
AC: ::::3 what could possibly be such a big secret?  
AC: ::::3 do you think i could figure it out on my own?  
GC: >:?  
GC: 1 dONt kNOw hOW  
GC: yoU WouLD go $BouT  
GC: Do1NG soM#th!Ng l!K3 tH$t  
GC: bUT 1 c$N t3LL yoU  
AC: ::::o yessssssss?  
GC: Th4T You W!ll F!nd OUt r#G4rDL3sS  
GC: Of m# T3lLIng YOu  
GC: b#C4uS# 1t !S k1ND of  
GC: $ B1g D#4l  
AC: xxxx( that doesnt help at all!  
AC: xxxx( now im only more curious!  
GC: >:]  
GC: tH$t w$S my !Nt3NT1oN  
AC: ::::3 is there anyone else that does know?  
AC: ::::3 maybe someone lower than me that is all too eager to talk to me?  
GC: Th4T !s 4 V#ry GOod QU3sT!on  
GC: ! Th1NK th# $nsW#r h$S to B#  
GC: m4YB3 >;]  
AC: xxxx( tereeeeeeeezi!  
GC: 1 DOnt R#4lLY t4LK to M$ny  
GC: OF thOS3 tH$t wOUld QU4l!Fy  
GC: 4S Low#R th$N yoU  
AC: ::::o thats not true!  
AC: ::::3 you talk to karkitty all the time!  
GC: On3 !S noT M4nY  
GC: But M$yb# You W!ll H$v3 MOr3 LucK  
AC: ::::( bluuuuuuuuh  
AC: ::::( that basically summarizes my feelings on this matter  
GC: ! loV# th# W4y YOu s$Y blUH  
GC: 1t SM3lLS so FUnnY  
AC: ::::3 bluuuuuuuh!  
GC: >:]  
GC: !m sORry N#p3T$  
GC: buT ! h4V# to GO noW  
AC: ::::3 okay  
AC: ::::3 goodbye terezi!  
GC: GooDBy3

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] ceased trolling arachnophileChipper [AC] \--

You suppose you shall have to continue this investigation on your own, then. She loves to play games and so do you, but this is certainly a new kind of game. That means it’s a challenge and you’re going to have a lot of fun while playing it, because you’ve never done something like this before.

You think you were on the right track when you asked her if any of the lowbloods knew, though, so maybe you’ll start there?

**Nepeta: Investigate**

Bluh, your options are so limited!

You couldn’t get to Eridan even if he was still around.

You’re not allowed to touch Gamzee because Equius explicitly forbids it and you are not going to do anything he forbids.

You could try Tavros but he is not very low on the hemospectrum at all and therefore not very easy to control. He is also not very smart.

Aradia would be your best bet, because she has been very mysterious lately, but she has only been very mysterious because something is stopping you from playing with her. Maybe you’ll talk to her anyway?

Feferi belongs to Vriska and she probably doesn’t know very much anyway. This doesn’t usually stop you from playing with her when Vriska isn’t paying attention (but shh, don’t tell her).

Then there’s Karkitty. He is so much fun to talk to! Maybe you should say ‘they are so much fun to talk to’, because there’s one that can stop you from playing with him and one that can’t. You suppose you could talk to him, too.

We shall leave you to your considerations and get back to you once you’ve made up your mind.


	4. Karkat: --

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets trolled by one of his tormentors and then by someone that doesn't quite fit that description.
> 
> Gamzee is travelling and, to kill some time, decides to troll a friend.

**Karkat: --**

FUCK!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You SWEAR they are GETTING LOUDER ALL THE DAMN TIME!

It’s almost as if SOMETHING SPECIAL’S ABOUT TO FUCKING HAPPEN!

You really wish they’d at least be quieter. Just a little bit. Just enough so you can actually hear yourself think. Just enough so you can remember why you think you deserve every moment of it.

You wish they would just kill you, really. It’d solve so many of your problems. But you’re either too much of a coward to do it yourself, or, when you do finally make up your mind, you get interrupted by a lot of incoherent yelling of people who really wish they’d just made one different choice in their lives.

You stopped actually listening to the voices a long, long time ago.

When you heard the voice of your best friend.

**Karkat: Reflect**

Yeah, fuck that noise. Fuck that noise harder than the noise you’re hearing now. You are NOT thinking about the night you killed Eridan.

Sure, you might not have been the hand that actually struck him down, but that doesn’t make a difference. It sure as hell doesn’t make it any better. It sure as hell doesn’t make you forget about what happened to him.

Or Feferi.

Oh dear God why did you have to think of Feferi?

There is pretty much no other person on this entire planet that can make you feel this awful without even talking to her.

Did you just blame her for that? Did that sound like putting blame on her? Because, fuck, the last thing she deserves is you getting mad at her. She should be mad at you. You’re pretty sure she is.

Realizing there’s someone out there who hates you appropriately is enough to make you calm down, usually, as long as you don’t also come to the realization that you could never hate her back to make it worth her while.

You’re an absolutely awful troll.

**Karkat: Describe Respiteblock**

The most noteworthy objects in your respiteblock are, of course, your beehouse mainframes. You are always very careful, even in your fits of rage, not to damage it and piss off the bees inhabiting them. Speaking of which, you threw your bookcase through the far wall just now. That usually happens. You tried to bolt it down once, but you just ended up tearing a hole in the ground and still destroying the wall.

Your bookcase is filled with all kinds of coding manuals, although you’re still convinced they’re awfully inadequate. You’re working on your own manual instead, but you can’t help but add swearwords to every page. You might entitle it ‘for assholes’ to make up for that.

Your walls, meanwhile, are plastered with various movie posters. Trollception, Thresholdless, Troll Code. The good ones, basically.

Yeah, you’re a nerd. That’s probably the one thing about you that you don’t hate.

**Karkat: Get Some Food**

You make your way to the fridge and immediately bump into one of the guardian robots Equius commissioned. You’d say he commissioned them for you, but that would just be ridiculous. He had them built to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t die, which is his way of being charitable.

Maryam did a good job at that, you guess. You’ve reprogrammed most of them to be more efficient and last longer and report less, but there are a lot of subroutines you don’t know how to get into. Honestly, she might not be as good a programmer as you are, but she sure as hell is a way better engineer.

Yeah, you can respect people who do their job right, even if it really inconveniences you. You guess they don’t even do that, really. They’re just there as a reminder, although you don’t need any reminders. You’re your own reminder.

One thing they are good for is for making your lusus feel all kinds of uncomfortable. Being a bicyclops, he’s already pretty big for the small hive you live in, and these robots make him feel all the more cramped. This is why you usually keep him on the roof.

You get a quick snack out of the fridge and feel something trying to slither its way into your mind.

God no. Not her. Not now.

You really had hoped you could avoid her tonight. You were looking forward to not having anything to do with her at all. You manage to push her out, although you really don’t know why you still bother, since-

Yeah, there it is. The familiar sound of her messaging you.

**Karkat: Check Trollian**

Yeah, that’s her alright. Goddamnit.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

AC: ::::3 i see youre the strong karkitty tonight!  
AC: ::::3 this is so exciting!   
CG: FOR THE LA2T GODDAMN TIME YOU BRAIN-DEAD P2YCHOPATH, THERE I2 ONLY ONE KARKAT.  
CG: I AM IN NO WAY WHAT2OEVER QUALIFIED 2 2ATI2FY YOUR DOWNRIGHT DI2TURBING MPD-KINK.   
AC: xxxx3 you are so silly sometimes karkitty!  
AC: ::::3 of course there are two of you  
AC: ::::3 why else can i only play with you half the time?   
CG: YEAH, I DIDN’T EXPECT YOU 2 HAVE A 2CEPTICAL 2UBROUTINE THAT CHECK2 FOR ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATION2 THAT FUCKING MAKE 2EN2E.   
AC: ::::3 just because you dont know about it doesnt mean its not true   
CG: THAT HA2 2 BE THE MO2T BACKWARD2, A2ININE ARGUMENT THAT HA2 EVER APPEARED ON MY 2CREEN.  
CG: I THINK I KNOW FULL WELL WHAT’2 IN MY PRIVATE CLASSES.   
AC: xxxx3 shut up already!  
AC: xxxx3 im not here to argue with you!   
CG: THAT’2 JU2T MY LUCK.  
CG: I’M GOING TO ACTIVATE MY RANDOM HOOFBEA2T2HIT GENERATOR HERE AND GUE22 WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY HERE FOR I2 FAR WOR2E THAN THAT.   
AC: ::::3 im on an investigation   
CG: I FUCKING CALLED IT.  
CG: AL2O, FUCK YOU, I’M NOT ROLEPLAYING WITH YOU.   
AC: xxxx( im not roleplaying!  
AC: ::::3 terezi is being mysterious and i want to know what shes up to!   
CG: TZ I2N’T UP 2 ANYTHING A2IDE FROM DOING THE 2AME DUMB 2HIT 2HE’2 ALWAY2 DOING.  
CG: 2HE’2 NOT A GENIU2, YOU IDIOT.   
AC: ::::o thats not true!  
AC: ::::o terezi is really smart!  
AC: ::::3 you just dont want to admit it   
CG: THE FACT THAT YOU THINK 2HE’2 2MART DOE2N’T PROVE 2HIT.  
CG: IT JU2T MEAN2 2HE’2 2MARTER THAN YOU, WHICH, NEW2FLA2H, I2N’T MUCH OF A 2URPRI2E.  
CG: EVERYONE AND THEIR LU2U2 I2 2MARTER THAN YOU.  
CG: 2OMEHOW THI2 2TILL INCLUDE2 TZ EVEN THOUGH HER DIETARY HABIT2 HAVE ALL BUT EXTERMINATED EVERY FUNCTIONING PART OF HER THINK PAN.  
CG: MUCH LIKE YOUR 2LEEPING HABIT2 HAVE ELIMINATED ANY AND ALL OF YOUR COMMON 2EN2E.  
CG: ALTHOUGH I DON’T THINK THAT TOOK VERY LONG.   
AC: ::::3 karkitty you seem upset about something  
AC: ::::( you dont usually hurt my feelings like that  
AC: ::::( frankly im all upset now  
AC: ::::( i dont even want to talk about my investigation anymore   
CG: THI2 I2 ME, NOT GIVING A 2HIT.   
AC: ::::( awwwwwwww  
AC: ::::3 youre not even a little curious?   
CG: NOT 2 BIT2.   
AC: ::::3 well im going to tell you anyway   
CG: WHAT A FUCKING 2URPRI2E.   
AC: ::::3 terezi was talking about something big going on  
AC: ::::o and she also hinted at one of you lowbloods knowing more!  
AC: ::::3 so now im investigating  
AC: ::::3 but its kind of silly to think you know anything karkitty  
AC: ::::3 since you dont ever talk to anyone except us  
AC: ::::3 even though you always say you totally hate all of us  
AC: ::::3 youre really kind of strange   
CG: YOU’RE RIGHT, I KNOW AB2OLUTELY GODDAMN NOTHING.   
AC: ::::3 maybe i should ask sollux for help  
AC: ::::3 he is way better at this than i am  
AC: ::::3 but im not going to ask him until ive tried everything myself!  
AC: ::::3 thanks for your help karkitty  
AC: ;;;;3 ill see if i can play with you later   
CG: I’M FUCKING LOOKING FORWARD 2 IT.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

Why? Why does she keep bothering you? What the hell is it about you that invites her, for crying out loud?

Why won’t that lunatic just leave you alone? It would make your life so much easier.

**Karkat: Turn Off Computer**

You’re half tempted to throw it out of the recently created hole in your wall. You realize in time, however, that this would be a really bad idea and instead vow to turn and leave it off for the rest of the night while you go do whatever, something, anything. Anything’s better than this.

Wait, what? Who’s that?

No way. That can’t possibly be true.

**Karkat: Respond**

There is no way in hell this is actually happening and not some sort of hallucination brought on by whatever the fuck it is that’s wrong with you. There just isn’t.

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

CA: kar i need y0ur help   
CG: ERIDAN?  
CG: WHAT THE 2HIT?  
CG: YOU’RE DEAD.   
CA: n0 time  
CA: i need y0ur help   
CG: LIKE HELL YOU DO.  
CG: I’M NOT TALKING 2 GHO2T2.  
CG: THAT WA2 YOUR THING.  
CG: I GOT THE TROLL2 RIGHT BEFORE THEY BECAME PART OF YOUR LOVELY CA2T OF HORROR2.  
CG: FUCK I AM TALKING 2 A DEAD GUY.   
CA: kar this is n0t a j0ke   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED ME FOR?  
CG: WHAT U2E CODE I PO22IBLY HAVE 2 YOU?  
CG: FUCK WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT ANYTHING 2 DO WITH ME?  
CG: HOW CODE I PO22IBLY BE YOUR TOP PRIORITY RIGHT NOW?   
CA: y0ure imp0rtant  
CA: just like the rest 0f us  
CA: wwevve alwways been imp0rtant  
CA: i understand n0ww   
CG: WHAT?  
CG: ED WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?  
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY EVER DWINDLING 2ANITY I2 GOING ON?  
CG: A22UMING, FOR A MOMENT, THAT THI2 I2 ACTUALLY HAPPENING AND THAT YOU’RE NOT 2TILL A DEVOURED CORP2E RE2TING 2OMEWHERE ON THE OUT2KIRT2 OF THI2 ROTTEN PLANET.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU TALKING 2 ME?  
CG: HOW AM I IMPORTANT 2 YOU, A2IDE FROM YOU WANTING 2 2EE MY HEAD IMPALED ON A GODDAMN 2TICK?   
CA: kar its 0k  
CA: im 0k with it   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOE2 THAT EVEN MEAN?   
CA: i didnt mind what happened t0 me  
CA: it gavve me perspective   
CG: NO.  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO.  
CG: 2HUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT YOU DYING WA2, OR CODE EVER HAVE BEEN, A GOOD THING.  
CG: IT WA2N’T.  
CG: IT FUCKING WA2N’T.   
CA: it was supp0sed t0 happen   
CG: NO IT FUCKING WA2N’T!  
CG: THAT CAN’T HAVE BEEN WHAT 2HOULD HAVE HAPPENED!  
CG: THEY WEREN’T 2UPPO2ED 2 FUCKING BE THERE AND IT’2 MY FAULT THAT THEY WERE!  
CG: IT’2 MY GODDAMN FAULT AND I’M 2O FUCKING 2ORRY.   
CA: its 0k  
CA: y0u can make it up t0 me t0night   
CG: HOW?   
CA: i need y0ur help  
CA: d0 y0u wwant t0 help me   
CG: FUCK YE2.

You suddenly understand absolutely nothing.

Eridan explains his plan to you and you have no idea what the hell any of it is supposed to mean. Nevertheless, you get to work.

**Be CA**

n0

**Gamzee: Travel**

You’re already on it, motherfucker. You’ve got this whole trip planned out perfectly and you’re pretty sure you’ll arrive on time.

You can’t arrive too early though. That’d mess up all your precious motherfuckin plans.

So you guess you can spare a few minutes to check up on one of your most loyal followers. Who also happens to be your best friend.

**Gamzee: Troll Best Friend**

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] began trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

TC: hey there my brother from another lusus.  
TC: what’s up across the land of sand and the dead?   
AT: hEY tHERE gAMZEE,  
AT: iF yOU mEAN mY dESERT tHEN i gUESS tHE sKY iS uP,  
AT: bUT eVEN iF yOU dON’T mEAN tHAT, tHEN tHE sKY wOULD sTILL bE wHAT iS uP,   
TC: right.  
TC: sorry motherfucker, i forgot how literal you can be getting sometimes.  
TC: don’t worry bro, it won’t be happening again.  
TC: how are you?   
AT: tHAT’S oKAY, i tHINK,  
AT: i cAN bE a lITTLE bIT mORE lITERAL,  
AT: tHAN iS nORMAL fOR tROLLS,  
AT: sOMETIMES,  
AT: i aM aCTUALLY eXPERIENCING sOMETHING yOU mIGHT cALL eMOTIONAL tURMOIL,  
AT: bECAUSE i aM dEFINITELY fEELING tURMOILED,   
TC: oh shit bro.  
TC: what could possibly be all up and troubling your chill motherfuckin self?   
AT: wELL tHERE aRE a lOT oF tHINGS, tHAT cOULD pOSSIBLY tROUBLE mE,  
AT: i cAN gIVE yOU aN eXTENSIVE lIST iF yOU wANT?   
TC: okay, now i know you’re just motherfuckin messing with a motherfucker.   
AT: }:)   
TC: so what’s with the whole motherfuckin turmoil state of your emotional motherfuckin wellbeing?   
AT: oH nO i aM aCTUALLY fEELING sOMEWHAT sAD,  
AT: aBOUT sOMETHING,  
AT: bUT i aM nOT fEELING oNLY sAD aBOUT sOMETHING,  
AT: wHICH iS tO sAY, tHERE iS aLSO sOMETHING i fEEL vERY eXCITED aBOUT,  
AT: aND tHAT iS wHY i wANTED tO mAKE a jOKE,   
TC: it’s okay, my main motherfuckin bro.  
TC: i get where your motherfuckin jokestering is coming from.  
TC: so what are you feeling sad about?   
AT: tHE iMMINENT dEATH oF mY lUSUS,  
AT: aND aLSO mAYBE tHE fACT tHAT wE aRE gOING tO bE lEAVING tHIS pLANET bEHIND sOON?   
TC: why the motherfuck would that second part make you sad?  
TC: THIS WORLD IS ROTTEN TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN CORE.  
TC: IT IS IRREDEEMABLE AND THE ONLY WAY OUR RACE CAN ADVANCE BEYOND IT IS TO MOTHERFUCKIN PURGE THE ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKIN PLACE AND START OVER.  
TC: there is nothing on this world worth saving except what we’re taking with us.   
AT: }:(  
AT: wHILE i aGREE tHAT wHAT yOU jUST sAID iS tRUE,  
AT: fOR mOST oF tROLL sOCIETY,  
AT: tHERE aRE dEFINITELY sTILL pLACES oN tHIS pLANET lEFT,  
AT: tHAT aRE iNCREDIBLE iN tHEIR bEAUTY,  
AT: sO i hAVE tO sAY tHAT yOU aRE wRONG,  
AT: iN tHAT aSPECT oF yOUR pHILOSOPHY,   
TC: name me one motherfuckin thing,  
TC: ONE MOTHERFUCKIN THING,  
TC: aside from your motherfuckin miracle of a botanical lawn ring,  
TC: ON THIS GODDAMNED PLANET THAT IS WORTH PERSEVERING?   
AT: tHE lARGELY uNTOUCHED fORESTS aRADIA lIVES iN,  
AT: i mIGHT nOT gET aLONG wITH oUR fAUNA vERY wELL,  
AT: bUT tHAT dOES nOT mEAN tHEY aRE wORTHLESS,  
AT: aND tHE fLORA iTSELF iS aBSOLUTELY aWESOME iN iTS vARIETY   
TC: alright fine, i’ll grant you that one.  
TC: but that’s still only one thing on an entire motherfuckin planet.   
AT: i cOULD gO oN, iF yOU wOULD lIKE mE tO,  
AT: i hAVE a lIST pREPARED fOR eXACTLY tHIS oCCASION,  
AT: aND tHIS tIME i aM nOT kIDDING aBOUT tHE lIST,   
TC: sure, don’t let this motherfucker stop you.  
TC: it’d be a motherfuckin shame to let such a motherfuckin fine list go to waste.   
AT: tHE nEXT iTEM oN tHE lIST iS rUINS,  
AT: aLL tHE bEAUTIFUL mONUMENTS uNCOVERED bY aRADIA aND, wELL,,,  
AT: eRIDAN,  
AT: eVEN iF tROLL sOCIETY wAS aS cORRUPTED tHEN aS iT iS nOW,  
AT: tHEY aRE sTILL aMAZING aRTEFACTS oF a bYGONE aGE,  
AT: aND eVEN iF yOU tHINK oUR sPECIES iS hORRIBLE,  
AT: wHICH i aGREE wITH,  
AT: wE sHOULD sTILL rEMEMBER iT, i tHINK,  
AT: sO wE dO nOT mAKE tHE sAME mISTAKES aGAIN,   
TC: those are all pretty good motherfuckin points your think pan just put all up on this screen.  
TC: you sound all motherfuckin enlightened and shit.  
TC: it’s cool.   
AT: tHANKS, i tHINK,  
AT: tHE nEXT iTEM oN tHE lIST iS oNE yOU mIGHT nOT rEALLY lIKE,  
AT: bUT pLEASE dON’T bE mAD,  
AT: aT mE,  
AT: wHEN i sAY iT,  
AT: bECAUSE i tHINK yOU sHOULD lISTEN tO wHAT i hAVE tO sAY aBOUT iT,   
TC: alright my main motherfuckin bro.  
TC: now you’ve got me all curiosed up and shit.  
TC: what is it?   
AT: iT iS,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: tHE oCEAN,   
TC: THE MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT?  
TC: WAS THAT THING I JUST READ ACTUALLY WHAT YOU MEANT TO MOTHERFUCKIN SAY?  
TC: BECAUSE THIS MOTHERFUCKIN MOTHERFUCKER CAN’T HELP BUT THINK YOU WERE PUTTING YOUR JOKE ON AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER.   
AT: gAMZEE,  
AT: yOU sAID yOU wOULDN’T bE mAD,  
AT: aT lEAST nOT uNTIL i eXPLAINED,  
AT: wHY i sAID tHAT,  
AT: iF yOU dON’T aGREE, yOU cAN gET aNGRY,  
AT: aFTER tHAT,   
TC: I NEVER MOTHERFUCKIN SAID THAT.   
AT: bUT yOU aGREED,  
AT: tO mE,  
AT: sAYING tHAT,  
AT: wHICH bASICALLY mEANS tHE sAME tHING,   
TC: alright, fine, explain your fine motherfuckin reasoning behind this blasphemy.  
TC: so i can get my motherfuckin anger on for the right motherfuckin reasons.   
AT: wELL,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: iF yOU tAKE tHE oCEAN,  
AT: aND tAKE aLL tHE sEADWELLERS oUT,  
AT: iT iS a vERY bEAUTIFUL pLACE,   
TC: THAT HIVES THE BANE OF OUR COLLECTIVE MOTHERFUCKIN EXISTANCE.  
TC: OR DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN MONSTROSITY THAT COULD END ALL OF OUR MOTHERFUCKIN LIVES JUST WITH A GREAT BIG MOTHERFUCKIN YAWN?  
TC: BECAUSE THAT SEEMS REALLY MOTHERFUCKIN RELEVANT TO ME RIGHT NOW.   
AT: wELL, sINCE sHE’S nOT rEALLY fROM oUR wORLD oRIGINALLY,  
AT: oR aT aLL, i gUESS,  
AT: sO i dON’T rEALLY cONSIDER hER tO bE a pART oF tHE oCEAN oR aNYTHING,   
TC: you know the motherfuckin gender that belongs to that abomination?  
TC: the fact that you have your understand on about the weirdest of motherfuckin things i’m still kind of disturbed at that thing belonging to any sort of motherfucking gender qualifications at all.   
AT: uHH,  
AT: i cOULD tELL yOU,  
AT: hOW i kNOW tHAT,  
AT: bUT i dON’T tHINK yOU’D wANT tO,  
AT: hEAR tHAT pARTICULAR sTORY,   
TC: it’s fine, tavbro.  
TC: so let me see if i’ve got this motherfuckin straightened out and shit.  
TC: nature is pretty much motherfuckin peanut butter and jelly, but the motherfuckin trolls are the shitstains upon reality?   
AT: yES,  
AT: i tHINK tHAT sUMS mY fEELINGS uP,  
AT: vERY wELL,  
AT: aLTHOUGH i wOULDN’T sAY iT lIKE tHAT,  
AT: eXACTLY,   
TC: that’s not a motherfuckin problem at all.  
TC: it’s why i’m motherfuckin here, clearing up on all your meanings and shit.  
TC: i’m really glad we had this motherfuckin talk.  
TC: but i have plans to be getting the motherfuck along with.   
AT: oKAY,  
AT: gOOD lUCK,  
AT: gAMZEE,

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] ceased trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

Tavros can be pretty motherfuckin dense sometimes. That’s alright though. It’s why you’re there to look out for your main motherfucker. Make sure his naive ideals don’t get him culled and shit.

In return you guess he keeps your shit checkered in tight. He’s pretty good at doing that. You’re so pale for him it’s kind of embarassing.

With a smile on your face, you continue towards your destination. You hope Aradia knows what she’s doing. You guess you’ll get confirmation from your inside source about that in a minute.

Dropping the ball on the whole traitor business must’ve really riled up his imperious nooksucker. Keep him distracted and oblivious of what’s really happening. Plans all up and moving.

You wonder how he’s doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor idealistic Tavros. Alternia really isn't the right place for you.
> 
> Enjoy, leave comments/kudos/whatever.


	5. Be the Emperor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK and you are the EMPEROR OF ALTERNIA.
> 
> \---
> 
> Your name is VRISKA SERKET and you are QUITE FOND OF YOURSELF.

**Be the Emperor**

Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK and, as previously mentioned, you are the EMPEROR OF ALTERNIA. Technically you are still the HEIR APPARENT, however, with HIS IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION out in space CONQUERING VARIOUS ALIEN SPECIES, there was absolutely nothing stopping you from claiming the title on your home planet.

You will have to kill him to gain control over the entire TROLL EMPIRE, but that can wait. You are only six sweeps old, after all.

You, of course, rule with an IRON FIST, although your actual fist is made of a rather intricate METAL ALLOY that doesn’t rust and stops water from touching the robotics contained within. You acquired this IRON FIST back when you took up your imperial duties, due to some foolish seadweller challenging your authority.

You are IN CHARGE and you understand your species very well. As such, you have no real interests of your own, merely knowing enough about the interests of YOUR UNDERLINGS to know when they’re TRYING TO MISLEAD YOU, which, since they’re trolls, is a REGULAR OCCURANCE.

You’ve picked up some skills in PROGRAMMING, HACKING, PSYCHOLOGY and ROBOTICS. You INSISTED Maryam taught you enough of the last one to rebuild your own hand. This was not because you DID NOT TRUST her, but rather because you’d prefer to do it yourself. Well, alright, perhaps you do have some TRUST ISSUES.

You do not pretend to be anything other than a TOTALITARIAN RULER, because you like to think most trolls are clever enough to discover this truth anyway.

Your trolltag is  controllingTyrant and you 3---E make sure y00 have your imperial weapon by your side at all times.

**Equius: Describe Hive**

Naturally, you have the grandest hive of all, not in the least because it resides in the ocean itself, underneath the surface. This alone serves to keep many potential attackers from harming you, although you do have some other defensive capabilities for the more persistent of opponents. Aside from that, its main purpose is to look imposing, which, of course, it does.

It is aided in this function by your lusus, although some might find that term wholly inappropriate of Gl’b’golyb, who, surely, is far more than just a lusus. She is a majestic and ancient creature, and, truly, only someone such as you is fit to care for her. In return, she provides protection and guidance for you. For now, however, you have a problem you need to deal with yourself.

You have a traitor to catch.

**Equius: Contact Loyal Advisor**

Even if Gamzee was just trying to get you worked up, in which he was, in fact, successful, that is still no reason not to take a thorough look at the allegiances of your underlings.

\--  controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling aquaticGriefer [AG]  \--

CT: 3---E Serket.  
CT: 3---E Something has come to my attention.  
AG: Vhat vould that be, bossss?  
CT: 3---E It appears we may have a traitor in our midst.  
AG: A traitor?  
AG: Vho issss it?  
CT: 3---E Unknown, as of yet.  
AG: I don’t vant to quesssstion your ssssourcesss, bossss.  
AG: But hov do you knov this?  
CT: 3---E I do not fault y00 for your scepticism.  
CT: 3---E However, i f3---El y00 know e%actly who this source is.  
AG: I vassss afraid of that, yessss.  
CT: 3---E Whether he was lying or not, however, is irrelevant.  
CT: 3---E It will not hurt us to make sure.  
AG: Okay, it ssssoundssss like you’ve already made up your mind.  
AG: Vhy sssstill assssk me?  
CT: 3---E Because what w001d be the point of having a loyal advisor if i did not occasionally listen to her advice?  
AG: Sssso vhat vould you like me to do?  
CT: 3---E I want y00 to think about any negative consequences this might have.  
CT: 3---E What w001d his motivation for this deceit be?  
AG: Vell, I don’t think I am the mosssst qualified to judge hissss completely fucked up think pan.  
CT: 3---E Language, pl3---Ese.  
AG: That issss vhat it issss!  
AG: But if I had to make a guessss, I’d ssssay he’ssss trying to disssstract ussss.  
AG: Maybe you knov vhy he’d vant to, but I’m not going to bother trying to get that out of you.  
CT: 3---E That does sound accurate.  
CT: 3---E As such, i will not be l3---Eving the investigation to y00.  
CT: 3---E To ensure your vigilance, of course.  
AG: I’m not complaining.  
AG: There’ssss nothing fun about having to assssk potential traitorssss quesssstionssss.  
AG: I could end up hurting a perfectly loyal ssssubject in the processss.  
AG: And then you’d get all vorked up and that vould really ruin my mood.  
AG: Bessssidessss, I have lussssussss-hunting to get to anyvay.  
CT: 3---E I suspect y00 may be curious as to who i am giving this duty, if it isn’t y00.  
AG: Me, curioussss?  
AG: Vho are you kidding?  
AG: I am not at all curioussss about that.  
AG: Vhy sssshould I care?  
CT: 3---E Shall i tell y00 anyway?  
AG: Vell, if you inssssisssst.  
CT: 3---E Sollux captor.  
AG: Vhat, really?  
AG: Huh.  
AG: Yessss, that ssssoundssss good.  
CT: 3---E R3---Elly?  
CT: 3---E How curious.  
AG: Vhat?  
AG: Vhat are you going on about thissss time?  
CT: 3---E I merely figured y00 w001d have more objections to trusting him with the job.  
AG: Vell, he’ssss a tealblood, of coursssse.  
CT: 3---E Of course.  
AG: But as far assss tealbloodssss go, I guessss he’ssss not that bad?  
AG: And I guessss I can ssssee vhy you vould trust him.  
CT: 3---E And if he fails to find anything, y00 can always kill him afterwards.  
AG: You could ssssave that for my 12th perigeessss eve pressssent.  
AG: Although I ssssupposssse that vould take a long vhile.  
AG: Yessss, sssscratch that plan, I vould grov far too impatient.  
CT: 3---E I will k3---Ep it in mind anyway.  
AG: Come on Equiussss!  
AG: That’ssss jusssst not fair!  
CT: 3---E Very few things are.  
CT: 3---E Thank y00 for your input, serket.  
CT: 3---E It was most appreciated.  
AG: Of coursssse, bossss.  
AG: Any time. 

 

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] \--

Vriska Serket is an interesting case. She is, of course, one of the most ambitious and jealous members of your society, yet she would never try to usurp you since it would be ‘boring’, apparently. You give her all she wants and she does everything you ask, mostly because those two overlap entirely.

You suppose she is also intelligent enough to know that the responsibilities that come with being the Emperor are not to her liking. You do think she would have the skills to do a reasonable job, however. The reason you know she hasn’t betrayed you is because there is nothing Gamzee could offer her that she does not already have.

You do know who you keep around you, after all.

Speaking of which.

**Equius: Contact Legislacerator**

It’s time to get the right troll in the right place at the right time.

\--  controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling targetAcquired [TA]  \--

CT: 3---E Captor.  
CT: 3---E Captor.  
CT: 3---E Answer me.  
CT: 3---E I am giving y00 the benefit of the doubt and assuming y00 are training.  
CT: 3---E Contact me as s00n as y00 return.  
CT: 3---E I have a job for y00.  
CT: 3---E It, of course, has top priority.  
TA: i am 5o 5orry 5ir,..,  
TA: ye5,, i wa5 training,..,  
TA: what can i do for you,, 5ir?  
CT: 3---E Before i give y00 details, i need to ensure y00 are aware of the situation.  
CT: 3---E Give me all of your information on gamz3---E makara.  
TA: inluding the obviou5?  
TA: becau5e that might take a while,..,  
CT: 3---E Yes, including the obvious.  
CT: 3---E I am not taking your knowledge for granted.  
TA: alright,, i can do that,..,  
TA: gamzee makara i5 a known terrori5t and the leader of the rebellion,..,  
TA: hi5 blood color i5 completely unknown,, although i don’’t get how he hasn’’t ever bled,..,  
TA: hi5 ideal5 point more to a low blood color,, but hi5 violence and aggre55ion point to a higher one,..,  
TA: he’’5 a religiou5 fanatic of the wor5t kind,..,  
TA: the kind that’’5 again5t you,..,  
TA: he’’5 been on the run for a long time,, and he’’5 been 5potted ju5t about everywhere on the planet,..,  
TA: often on different 5ide5 at the 5ame time,..,  
TA: hi5 remaining officer5 are aradia megido,, who hang5 around in the fore5t here 5omewhere,, but 5he know5 them better than i do and we haven’’t been able to find her yet,..,  
TA: the 5econd i5 hi5 moirail, tavro5 nitram, who live5 way too far away from anywhere to really be a problem and ha5 a virgin mother grub a5 hi5 lu5u5, 5o we’’re not bothering him right now,..,  
TA: the rebellion it5elf ha5n’’t been doing very much, 5o we’’re a55uming gamzee i5 waiting for 5omething,..,  
TA: 5ince the idea of him having given up i5 way too ridiculou5 to 5eriou5ly con5ider,..,  
TA: he’’5 al5o your ki5me5i5 and he’’5 been known to u5e that a5 leverage,..,  
TA: that’’5 it,..,  
TA: didn’’t even have to check my note5,..,  
CT: 3---E That is a very accurate summary.  
CT: 3---E We do think he has finally rec3---Eved what he was waiting for.  
CT: 3---E He has dropped hints that there is a traitor in our midst.  
TA: that 5ound5 a lot like a di5traction,..,  
CT: 3---E It most likely is.  
CT: 3---E However, a distraction can still cause damage if left unattended, so ignoring this w001d be f001ish.  
TA: 5o what would you like me to do,, 5ir?  
CT: 3---E Y00 are to investigate the significant members of our gr00p.  
CT: 3---E S3---E if one of them happens to be this traitor.  
CT: 3---E Or if it r3---Elly is just a decoy.  
TA: okay,..,  
TA: before i 5tart,, though,, who already know5 about thi5?  
CT: 3---E I have fully br3---Efed serket on the matter.  
CT: 3---E She is also aware of what y00 will be doing.  
TA: 5hould i exclude her?  
TA: i mean,, i might a5 well not bother with her now,, right?  
CT: 3---E Y00 can e%clude her, if y00 wish.  
CT: 3---E I am l3---Eving the e%ecution of this plan entirely up to you.  
CT: 3---E I am counting on y00 to be thorough, however.  
CT: 3---E If y00 give me one false report, i will cull y00.  
TA: got it,..,  
TA: i’’ll get on it right away,..,  
CT: 3---E Very g00d.  
CT: 3---E I e%pect to hear from y00 s00n.  
TA: of cour5e,.., 

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA]  \--

Captor has this odd way of being focused whenever he’s solving a problem. It is a very useful quality and you’re willing to forgive him the minor transgression of claiming you’re lenient in dealing with Makara. After all, you did ask. You don’t exactly expect him to find anything, although you will be pleasantly surprised if he does, of course.

**Equius: Contemplate Makara**

You do have an odd sort of respect for Gamzee Makara. For all his delusional self-righteousness, he is persistent, ruthless and somewhat more intelligent than one would give him credit for at first glance.

You are still half convinced he’s a blueblood, although that would be extremely unlikely, given what he’s actually fighting for. Then again, if there is a traitor, that possibility suddenly becomes a lot more likely.

However, the main thing that bothers you is his sign. It doesn’t appear anywhere in your official records, no matter what blood color you’re looking for. You have an entire library full of records detailing the signs of trolls of any blood color and who their ancestors were and what they accomplished, but his doesn’t appear.

Perhaps it’s time to dig into some of the other books you have acquired over the sweeps, see if there’s something else in there. Starting with religious texts, yes.

**Equius: Head to Library**

You captchalogue your husktop in the most convenient mode you could get your hands on (and, therefore, the most convenient mode that exists): the Array modus and make your way to the library, which is hermetically sealed off from the rest of your hive to prevent water damage.

You have no doubt that your investigative endeavors will be boring and tedious and you order us to be someone else for the moment.

**Be ‘Him’**

Stop that.

**Be the Other Seadweller**

Your name is VRISKA SERKET and you are QUITE FOND OF YOURSELF. This is not very strange, really, because you’re THE MOST AMAZING SEA DWELLER to have EVER LIVED. You are a BRILLIANT TACTICIAN and you excel at PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE. You greatly enjoying employing these skills in various games of EXTREME ROLEPLAYING.

You are very PROUD of the TROPHIES you obtained during these campaigns and there are quite a few LEGENDARY WEAPONS among them, alongside an actual TROLL.

You also keep some trophies from an entirely different sort of CONQUEST, namely the CONQUEST OF QUADRANTS. You have, naturally, been very SUCCESSFUL in this area as well and your MATESPRIT does so enjoy giving you new CLOTHES TO WEAR. As such, you’re one of two trolls on the entire planet to have an interest in FASHION. One of the two IMPORTANT ONES, at least.

You GREATLY ENJOY seeing just how far you need to PUSH someone to BREAK THEM, and you currently have at least TWO PET PROJECTS you have made a lot of PROGRESS with. You also very much enjoy CHALLENGES, since they’re the best way to IMPROVE YOURSELF, as long as they aren’t BORING.

You are, as previously mentioned, a SEADWELLER, with your blood color being the second highest on the HEMOSPECTRUM and you have the particular honor of being a close friend of the EMPEROR. This is basically why you get to do WHATEVER YOU WANT TO.

Your trolltag is aquaticGriefer and you sssspeak vith the mosssst diabolical accent you can imagine. 

Your life is PERFECT.

**Vriska: Describe Hive**

Your hive really isn’t all that special. It’s just a huge, magnificent building that dwarves everything in the vicinity and is quite possibly one of the most amazing feats of troll architecture ever witnessed.

It also has a small extension for the second respiteblock, belonging to one of your pet projects, who also happens to be your slave. That one is mostly dull and uninteresting.

Your own respiteblock can only be described as ‘grand’. Well, it could be described in other ways, but they would be wrong or laughably inaccurate. It is situated at the top of your hive (a remarkably safe location, considering the fact that most trolls lack long-range weaponry), which means your slave has a long way to go before she can get all the way up here and you have a flying lusus, so it’s no problem for you.

It also holds all of your other trophies, since most of them are quite powerful and you are not going to leave them in treasure chests for potential invaders to find. They are proudly displayed opposite your recuperacoon, meaning you see them every night as you wake up.

**Vriska: Describe Projects**

The first is your slave, who you have already conditioned to respond mostly to her last name only. You’ve also already taken away her sign, giving her only three ties to her former identity: her last name, which you intend to take away over the next few perigrees, her lusus, which you will kill in the end to finally break her, and her hatred, which you will let her keep.

Although there has been one worrying development with her and you’re not entirely sure what to make of it.

The second doesn’t require all that much effort from your end, you just need to check up on him every once in a while. You don’t need to break him, he is essentially breaking himself. That doesn’t make it any less fun to watch, though and poking him every once in a while so he doesn’t get complacent simply adds to it.

**Vriska: Contact Matesprit**

Since you have to wait for your slave to arrive, you might as well do something else you enjoy.

\-- aquaticGriefer [AG] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

AG: Hi Kanaya!  
AG: Vhat are you doing?  
GA: Hello Vriska, I Am Cvrrently Working On A New Design.  
GA: It Is Qvite Magnificent, If I Do Say So Myself.  
AG: You’re deliberately obfusssscating vhether you’re talking about a dressss or a robot, aren’t you?  
GA: Yov Are Beginning To See Throvgh My Rvses With An Alarming Freqvency.  
GA: Perhaps I Shovld Have Them Accompany Me To A Higher Level.  
AG: Vould that mean you’re finally sssstarting to actually challenge me?  
AG: Becausssse I’d like a decent challenge for once.  
AG: Sssso which issss it?  
GA: Excvse Me?  
AG: Vhat are you vorking on, a robot, or a dressss?  
GA: I Am Working On A Dress, Yes.  
GA: Or, Rather, I Was Vntil Yov Contacted Me.  
AG: Vho issss it for?  
GA: Well, There Is Only One Person, Myself Exclvded, Of Covrse, Who Trvly Appreciates My Work In That Field.  
AG: Sssso it’ssss for me?  
GA: No, It Is For Sollvx, Obviovsly.  
GA: Since He Was Jvst Delighted When I Made Him Wear The Last One.  
AG: And you didn’t even take picturessss of ssssuch a hisssstorical event!  
AG: I demand you bring me picturessss next time!  
GA: I Very Mvch Dovbt There Will Be Another One Of Those Fortvnate Occvrances.  
GA: Bvt Yes The Dress Is For Yov.  
GA: It Is Part Of A Set.  
GA: The Other One Being Destined To Be Worn By Me.  
AG: Vov, vay to make me curioussss, Kanaya.  
AG: I jusssst can’t vait!  
GA: Is There Any Particvlar Reason Yov Contacted Me?  
AG: Do I need one?  
GA: No, Bvt Most Trolls Do.  
GA: And There Are Qvite A Lot Of Those That Seek My Advice.  
GA: I Svppose It Has Become Something Of A Rovtine Qvestion By Now.  
AG: I knov.  
AG: You are alvayssss sssso incredibly bussssy.  
AG: Alvayssss fussssing and meddling in other people’ssss bussssinessss.  
AG: Missss Fussssyfangssss <3  
GA: That May As Well Be My Official Title Now.  
GA: The Less Than Three Makes It Particvlarly Accvrate.  
AG: It vould be if I had anything to say about it.  
GA: Then I Insist It Be Lady Fvssyfangs.  
GA: <3  
GA: So Did Yov Have A Reason?  
AG: Vell, not really.  
AG: But nov that I’m talking to you I guessss there issss ssssomething.  
AG: I’m sssstarting to vorry about my sssslave.  
GA: How Charitable Of Yov.  
AG: Sssshut up!  
AG: Sssshe keepssss vriting sssstuff on her vall.  
AG: Sssshe doessssn’t notice it hersssself.  
AG: And sssshe vouldn’t keep lying about that after hov often I beat her for it.  
AG: It’ssss getting sssserioussssly unnerving.  
GA: And She Is Still Writing The Same Thing?  
AG: Yeah, although it’ssss getting lessss clear every time.  
AG: But it jusssst won’t sssstop./span>  
GA: I Am Not Entirely Svre What Yov Wovld Like Me To Do.  
AG: Neither am I.  
AG: I don’t knov vhat you can do, but I knov you can do ssssomething.  
GA: Very Well.  
GA: Acqvire Some Pictvres The Next Time It Occvrs.  
GA: I Will Look Over Them And See What I Can Accomplish.  
AG: Thankssss.  
GA: Will Yov Be Visiting Me Tonight?  
AG: I’m sure I can find the time ssssomevhere.  
AG: Nov, the question is, can you?  
GA: Well, I Do Not Think Clearing Vp My Schedvle Will Prove To Be Mvch Of A Problem.  
AG: Excellent!  
AG: Ssssee you later, Kanaya.  
GA: Goodbye Vriska. 

\-- aquaticGriefer [AG] ceased trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

Your slave will arrive soon, leaving you with little time to look forward to the meeting with Kanaya you’ve just planned, and more time pondering said slave and what she writes on her wall every day.

HE1P.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we are introduced to the top of team Evil.
> 
> Who do you think the traitor is?


	6. Peixes: Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peixes is taken on an expedition by her mistress.
> 
> Aradia decides to go on an expedition all by herself.

**Peixes: Hunt**

That isn’t really what you will be doing, since your mistress will be doing most of the work, part of which is the actual hunting. You just get to present her with targets, while your hands are tied so you don’t try anything. You don’t really understand why she bothers; your sylladex is completely empty and your Strife Specibus hasn’t held a weapon in so long, you’re pretty sure you’ve forgotten how to use it.

Your mistress once explained to you that, before she received you, she had to search the seas on the back of her lusus, which was really annoying, since she mainly uses diceKind. Since she found you, however, she has been able to hunt on the land as well, which is so much easier. You think you hated that, at first, but now you think you might be starting to feel a bit proud.

**Peixes: Commune**

You call one of the many nearby lusi towards you. It has to be large enough to feed Gl’bgolyb, of course. Your mistress tells you to release it when it’s close enough, so there is some actual challenge in it for her.

You used to feel really bad about leading the prey to their deaths and you’re not really sure why that changed, but you don’t anymore. Now they’re just another light you feel going out, just like all of them do eventually. It’s just the way things go.

Your mistress cackles as the tuskbeast is slain. She puts the carcass in her sylladex and you leave, leaving brown blood behind.

**Peixes: Return to Hive**

Your mistress drops you off at the top of her hive, tells you to tell her matesprit she’s coming over after she drops off tonight’s prize and that you should clean the place up because it looks absolutely awful.

And then she’s gone.

And you’re alone.

Now what do you do?

**Peixes: Contact Miss Maryam**

You’re going to do as you were told, of course.

\-- cultureCultivated [CC] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

CC: Excuse me.   
CC: Miss Maryam?   
GA: Yes?   
GA: What Is It Yov Desire?   
CC: 1’m sorry to bother you, but my mistress wanted me to 1et you know she’s on her way to you.   
GA: How Awfvlly Considerate Of Her.   
GA: Wovld Yov Like Me To Inform Her Of Yovr Condvct?   
CC: 1t isn’t my p1ace to ask anything of you, miss.   
GA: Indeed It Is Not.   
GA: However That Was Not The Qvestion I Posed.   
CC: 1’m sorry miss, 1 don’t think 1 understand.   
GA: I Merely Asked If Yov Wovld Like Me To Inform Her Of Yovr Performed Dvties.   
GA: I Most Certainly Did Not Ask Yov To Ask Anything Of Me.   
GA: I Am Making An Offer, Yov Can Either Accept It Or Decline It.   
GA: That Is All I Reqvire From Yov.   
CC: Then yes, 1 wou1d 1ike that.   
CC: Thank you, miss.   
GA: Excellent.   
GA: Natvrally, Svch An Action Does Mean That Yov Are Now In My Debt.   
GA: Yov Now Owe Me A Favovr.   
CC: What?   
GA: I Am Not Entirely Certain What Yov Can Offer That I Cannot Already Take At Will.   
GA: However, I Am Svre That Will Not Prove To Be A Significant Problem.   
GA: I Will Come Up With Something Appropriate As Payment For This.   
CC: But it can be anything?   
GA: Anything I Covld Predictably Reqvire From Yov.   
GA: Which Severely Limits The Possibilities, I Mvst Admit.   
GA: I Might Not Find A Vse For Yov At All.   
GA: In Which Case Yov Will Continve To Be In My Debt Vntil Either Of Vs Dies.   
GA: Preferably Yov, Althovgh One Can Never Know.   
CC: Do 1 actually have anything to say in the matter?   
CC: Because this suddenly sounds a 1ot 1ess attractive than it did just then.   
GA: Of Covrse Yov Do, Dear.   
GA: Yov Can Choose Not To Owe Me A Favovr.   
GA: Bvt Then I Will Not Tell Vriska That Yov Informed Me Of Her Arrival Even Thovgh She Vndovbtedly Ordered Yov To Do So.   
GA: I Shall Explain Yovr Choice To Yov In Simple Terms.   
GA: Yov Can Find Yovrself At Either The Mercy Of Yovr Mistress, Or Mine.   
GA: Frankly I Cannot Imagine It Being A Very Complicated Decision.   
CC: 1t isn’t .   
CC: 1 guess you te11ing my mistress the truth means 1 owe you a favor.   
GA: The Trvth Is Whatever My Clients Want It To Be, Peixes.   
GA: Sometimes Inflvenced By What I Wovld Like It To Be.   
CC: Then 1 wou1ld 1ike you to te11 her that 1 fo11owed her orders.   
GA: Consider It Done.   
CC: Thank you.   
GA: Oh No, Miss Peixes.   
GA: Thank Yov.   
CC: For what?   
GA: For This Most Clean Of Conversations And Tidiest Of Negotiations.   
GA: It Was A Very Pleasant Exchange, Wovld Yov Not Agree?   
CC: 1 guess?   
GA: Yov Shovld Certainly Consider Contacting Me Again At Some Point In The Near Fvtvre.   
GA: I Can Assvre Yov I Wovld Be Able To Make It Worth Yovr While.   
CC: With your permission, miss, 1 wou1d 1ike to 1eave now.   
GA: Of Covrse.   
GA: Do Not Let Me Keep Yov. 

\-- cultureCultivated [CC] ceased trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

You never did talk to miss Maryam very often for reasons that are suddenly becoming very obvious to you. 

While you’re busy being in shock, we will go be someone else for a moment.

**Aradia: Talk to Other Friend**

It’s about time you got started on this adventure, but you have to wait for a while, you guess. You’ll check for progress with your friend.

Your dead friend.

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA]  began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

AA: did you talk to him y3t?   
CA: i did  
AA: h3ll do it?   
CA: yes  
CA: but wwe already knew that  
CA: there wwas n0 wway he wwasnt g0in t0 d0 it  
CA: it wwas always supp0sed t0 g0 this wway  
AA: you m33n you didn’t giv3 him a choic3?   
CA: i did  
CA: its just that as far as causality is c0ncerned hed already made it  
AA: that do3snt mak3 any s3ns3  
CA: it d0esnt have t0 make sense t0 y0u  
CA: it d0esnt have t0 make sense t0 me either  
CA: its just the way it w0rks  
AA: do you r33lly think that?   
CA: n0  
CA: i kn0ww that  
AA: that’s r33lly kind of d3pr3ssing  
AA: and i also think your3 wrong  
AA: causality is just kind of dumb and it simply mak3s s3ns3 for your form3r b3st fri3nd to want to h3lp you  
AA: i gu3ss that m33ns you w3r3 right about him  
CA: yes i wwas  
AA: you know your3 actually kind of annoying wh3n you think you know 3v3rything  
CA: i d0nt kn0ww evverythin  
AA: 3xactly!   
CA: but the vv0ices d0  
AA: X((  
AA: i don’t b3l33v3 that 33th3r  
CA: thats 0k  
CA: it d0esnt actually matter if y0u believe me 0r n0t  
CA: its true anyway  
CA: it d0esnt matter what any0nes 0pini0n 0n it is  
AA: w3ll th3n ill just hav3 to prov3 you wrong  
CA: y0u cant  
AA: ill find a way mist3r!   
AA: and th3n youll hav3 to admit your3 wrong!   
AA: itll b3 just lik3 old tim3s!   
CA: 0k  
CA: if thats wwhat y0u wwant t0 d0 i ww0nt st0p y0u  
AA: its not lik3 you can >:((  
AA: dont th3 voic3s hav3 anything mor3 important for you to do?   
CA: n0t yet  
CA: i have t0 st0p s0methin first  
AA: i m33n talk to f3f3ri  
CA: n0  
CA: im n0t talkin t0 her  
AA: :((   
AA: why not?   
AA: im sur3 sh3d lov3 to h33r your3 alive  
AA: or at l33st around  
CA: there are reas0ns  
CA: they tell me n0t t0 talk t0 her  
CA: and als0 n0t t0 let her find 0ut im still here  
CA: s0 y0u cant tell her either  
AA: but why not?   
CA: there are reas0ns  
AA: thats a stupid 3xcus3!   
CA: y0u wwill n0t tell her  
CA: this is imp0rtant  
CA: please d0nt tell her  
AA: if you giv3 m3 at l33st on3 r33son  
CA: 0k  
CA: i d0nt pity her anym0re  
CA: i mean i cant pity her anym0re  
CA: i cant pity any0ne anym0re  
AA: :((   
AA: i think i und3rstand  
AA: i wont t3ll h3r  
CA: thank y0u  
AA: i miss you 3ridan  
CA: i kn0ww  
CA: i think i miss me t00  
AA: ill find a way to g3t you back  
AA: i promis3  
CA: y0u cant  
CA: but i appreciate the sentiment anywway  
AA: shut up!   
AA: dont you dar3 t3ll m3 what i can or cant do!   
AA: i will find a way to h3lp you  
AA: and your voic3s can go find anoth3r tomb to rot in  
AA: no on3 will 3v3r try to op3n it aft3rwards b3caus3 3v3ryon3 can imm3diat3ly s33 th3r3 is absolut3ly nothing in th3r3 thats worth anything to anyon3  
CA: i get it  
CA: thank y0u  
AA: :))   
AA: your3 w3lcome  
CA: y0u can expect an unwwelc0me c0nvversati0n  
CA: right ab0ut  
CA: n0ww

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] ceased trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA]  \--

**Aradia: Have Unwelcome Conversation**

You could imagine, as soon as he said it, what that conversation was going to be and the description was not at all wrong.

Oh well, you might as well brave her immediately, instead of letting her get the pleasure of thinking you’re afraid to talk to her.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA] \--

AC: ::::3 hiiiiiiii aradia!   
AA: what do you want?   
AC: ::::3 well since you asked  
AC: ::::3 i want to know why i cant play with my second favorite toy!   
AA: thats the 33th tim3 youv3 ask3d that  
AA: and im still not going to answ3r you so i dont und3rstand why you still both3r  
AC: ::::( now im all sad  
AC: ::::( i really hoped you would tell me tonight aradia  
AC: ::::3 but thats okay!   
AC: ::::3 i have another question to ask  
AC: ::::3 and i think this one is more important even than the most important question i just asked  
AA: that mak3s no s3ns3  
AA: how can a qu3stion b3 mor3 important than th3 most important qu3stion?   
AC: ::::3 beclaws this question is more important now  
AC: ::::3 but the most important question is more important at every other time  
AC: ::::3 also beclaws i said so  
AA: ugh  
AA: just ask your stupid qu3stion and l33v3  
AC: ::::3 well i cant really do that  
AC: ::::3 i want you to answer the question too!   
AA: and if i dont your3 just going to k33p annoying m3 about it?   
AC: ::::3 yes!   
AC: ::::3 you understand me so well aradia!   
AA: fin3  
AC: xxxx3 thank you aradia!   
AC: ::::3 see i was talking to terezi earlier  
AC: ::::3 and she was really busy with something  
AC: ::::( but she wouldnt tell me what she was so busy with  
AC: ::::( all she said was that it was kind of a big deal  
AA: and this is r3l3vant to m3 how?   
AA: i m33n is this going anywh3r3 or is th3 punchlin3 anoth3r stupid flarp story  
AC: ::::3 shut up and ill tell you!   
AC: ::::3 i thought you greenbloods were at least supposed to be patient  
AC: ::::3 that is pretty much your only redeeming quality  
AC: xxxxP youre perfectly happy with waiting to get your punishment  
AC: ::::3 also you totally love my flarp stories and dont even try to deny it  
AC: ::::3 its the closest to any real flarping experience youre going to get  
AC: ::::3 maybe you can even learn something from them  
AC: ::::3 like how to protect your teammates  
AA: can w3 pl33se mov2 on  
AC: ::::o am i making the little kitty angry?   
AC: ::::3 i wouldnt want to do that  
AA: you and your scourg3 sist3r think your3 just th3 high3st tr33s th3 for3st has to off3r dont you  
AA: but l3ts fac3 it you only got him through an ambush whil3 h3 was doing som3thing compl3t3ly diff3r3nt  
AC: ::::3 but that just means were super smart  
AA: you couldnt 3v3r b33t 3ith3r of us in a fair fight  
AA: and your3 n3v3r going to g3t m3  
AA: b3caus3 i own this for3st  
AA: it is min3 and whil3 im h3r3 you cant hurt m3  
AC: ::::3 do you think equius would let me burn your forest down?   
AC: ::::3 i mean i guess sollux would complain  
AC: ::::3 but hed understand its for the greater good right?   
AA: you wouldnt dar3  
AC: ::::3 why not?   
AC: ::::3 youre probably right  
AC: ::::3 i cant beat you in your forest since you still have that magical thing that protects you  
AC: ::::3 and i dont think i can get you out of your forest  
AC: ::::3 so i guess ill just have to get rid of the forest itself  
AC: ::::3 but i have to ask equius first  
AC: ::::3 wow you managed to distract me again!   
AC: ::::3 i had a question to ask  
AC: ::::3 terezi dropped some hints that maybe you lowbloods knew something about what she was doing  
AC: ::::3 and i thought that was silly  
AC: ::::? because why would you lowbloods know anything?   
AC: ::::( but its the only lead i have  
AC: ::::( and karkitty was no real help  
AC: ::::3 he never is  
AC: ::::3 so do you know what terezi is doing?   
AA: no!   
AA: i don’t know what t3r3zi is doing  
AA: i dont 3v3n talk to h3r at all  
AA: why would i know about anything you and your crazy girlfri3nd ar3 doing?   
AC: ::::( okay  
AC: ::::3 thanks anyway  
AC: ::::3 ill talk to you later aradia  
AA: just l33v3 m3 alon3

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA] \--

**Aradia: Go Off The Handle**

ARGH!

What does that girl even want with you anyway? You know you hate her. Hell, you’re even willing to admit to yourself that maybe you hate her that way, but she-

She just-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

She’s teasing you, that’s what she’s doing. And that’s giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’s doing it on purpose, which you’re still not sure of.

And instead of reciprocrating like a normal troll she just riles you up and then leaves you hanging. Confused, angry and unsatisfied.

You feel an overwhelming urge to throw something and one of your trophy skulls hits a wall of your cave and, thankfully, doesn’t shatter.

It didn’t help.

**Aradia: Calm Down**

That sounds like a really good idea right now.

You’re going to go for a walk and forget all about that insane troll and her infuriating mannerisms that you absolutely despise with every fiber of your being. Damnit.

The worst part is that you’re fairly certain she would burn down the forest just to get at you, which means that if she does hate you that way, she really doesn’t understand how that sort of thing goes.

No! You were going to stop thinking about her and go outside for a walk and oh for the love of the two moons now what?

**Aradia: Answer**

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] began trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA]  \--

CA: im leavvin n0ww  
CA: i just th0ught y0u ww0uld like t0 kn0ww  
AA: y3s 3ridan  
AA: thank you v3ry much  
AA: i am going for a walk  
CA: g00d luck

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] ceased trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA]  \--

**Aradia: Go For A Walk**

You don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. You’re pretty sure that half of his speeches meant he doesn’t even believe in luck.

Okay, that really isn’t fair. You should not be taking this out on him. Eridan’s in a way worse situation than you are and it doesn’t do either of you any good if you start blaming him for your romantic troubles.

That never really did any good in the past, anyway.

You step out of your cave. 

Maybe you’ll go to the ruins again, before it all begins.

That sounds nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Leave comments, feedback, compliments, questions etc.
> 
> Edit: Help the colour tags aren't working!
> 
> Second edit: Got them working again.


	7. Sollux: Investigate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux starts his investigation and tries to find out who the traitor is.
> 
> Nepeta continues to find someone to play with.

**Sollux: Investigate**

Yeah, you’re not entirely sure how to go about this. Obviously, you could just go by every highblood in the Emperor’s organization, but by the time you got to number five, word would’ve spread and the actual traitor would know what you’re up to, so that won’t work.

You need to do this efficiently, which means you need to know what Makara would’ve looked for in a traitor. Well, that’s not the only option, of course, since the traitor could’ve gotten to him, too. Or maybe one of his allies was behind the whole thing?

You need to find a way to cut down this list of names. A list, which, coincidentally, contains the names of most of your friends. In fact, considering they’re rather influential in the organization, your friends are even more likely to be the one you’re looking for.

The Lady Serket would, as the second in command to the Emperor, be a major asset to Makara’s organization, but, as the Emperor himself no doubt noted, she doesn’t care enough about anyone other than herself to do so, since Makara can’t offer her anything.

Terezi Pyrope would make a strange amount of sense. She’s weird in a way that could easily be seen as suspicious at the best of times. She might not be the most ideal choice when it comes to raw intelligence, but she doesn’t necessarily have to be the brains of the operation.

Kanaya seems pretty unlikely too, considering the fact that she’s the matesprit of the Lady Serket, which, according to you, at least, would be pretty hard to fake. She also has an attitude befitting of a blueblood. She is the go-to person for almost everyone though, which would make her really useful.

As for Nepeta, well, she seems to be fully on board with the hemospectrum Makara is trying to overthrow, so you don’t think she would turn. Although it’s possible she’s just crazy. You’re still not sure what her deal is, exactly. If she was the traitor, though, you don’t think she’d be able to keep it hidden very well, since subterfuge definitely isn’t her strong suit.

Then there’s the Emperor himself, but that idea is so patently ridiculous it isn’t even worth considering. If he were Makara’s traitor, then he would’ve won already.

You might feel somewhat bad about suspecting your friends, but really, if it turns out they turned traitor, then they don’t exactly deserve that title anymore.

**Sollux: Contact Prime Suspect**

Yeah, you’re going to have to play this cool, since the one you’re considering as your prime suspect isn’t exactly known for having the most linear conversations, and you’re not going to let yourself get blindsided.

\-- targetAcquired [TA] began trolling gloweringColorist [GC] \--

TA: hey terezi,..,   
GC: h#Llo SOllUX >:]  
GC: yoU Sm3LL l1K#  
GC: s4LTy s#$w4T#r  
GC: tON1gHT   
TA: la5t i checked 5eawater i5 pretty much alway5 5alty,..,  
TA: it’’5 one of the defining characteri5tic5 of the 5tuff,..,   
GC: ok$Y  
GC: yoU Sm3LL l1K#  
GC: 3xTR4 s$Lty S#4w$T3r  
GC: TOn1GHt   
TA: yeah,, i’’m ju5t going to run with that,..,  
TA: there’’5 going to be enough tangent5 in thi5 conver5ation anyway,..,  
TA: 5o i’’m ju5t going to take what i can get,..,   
GC: tH!s 1S Pr3TTy mUCh  
GC: 4LR34DY 4 t$Ng3NT   
TA: yeah,, fine,, whatever,..,   
GC: juST po!Nt1NG 1t OUt   
TA: moving on,..,  
TA: what’’5 up?   
GC: tH#r3 !Snt V#ry MUch  
GC: UP w1TH m3  
GC: R!ghT Now  
GC: HOw 4BOut You   
TA: i’’ve pretty much been doing what alternia’’5 be5t legi5lacerator 5hould be doing,..,  
TA: hunting evildoer5,, wherever they go,..,  
TA: uncovering all kind5 of cool 5ecret5,..,  
TA: generally being at lea5t 5 kind5 of awe5ome,..,  
TA: the u5ual,..,   
GC: HOw m$Ny k!Nds  
GC: OF 4w#Som#  
GC: $r3 YOu b#!ng  
GC: R!ghT Now   
TA: i’’m being all kind5 of awe5ome,..,  
TA: in fact,, you could 5ay i’’m an infinite amount of kind5 of awe5ome,..,  
TA: doe5 that 5atisfy your need for 5pecification?    
GC: >:]   
TA: i’’m going to take that a5 a ye5 and move on,..,  
TA: again,..,   
GC: >:o  
GC: $R3 yOU on Off1C!4l Bus1N#ss   
TA: you know what,, i’’m not even going to bother gue55ing how you figured that out,..,   
GC: ! $m 4 M$st#R  
GC: 4t JUmp!Ng tO CorR#ct COncLUs1ONs  
GC: cORr3CT coNCluS!onS >:]   
TA: the whole cla55 i5 amazed at your alliterative abilitie5,..,  
TA: 5ee,, i can do it too,..,  
TA: it’’5 not that 5pecial,..,  
TA: but ye5,, the emperor did give me a mi55ion,..,   
GC: $nd NOw yOUr3 T$lk!Ng tO M3  
GC: >:?   
TA: well,, yeah,..,  
TA: i kind of,, well,,  
TA: i need your help,..,   
GC: >:o  
GC: tH# gr#$t l#G1sL$c3R$toR  
GC: N33DS my H#lp   
TA: yeah,, that’’5 kind of what i ju5t 5aid,..,  
TA: can we ju5t 5kip the part where you can’’t believe thi5 and move on to the actual important bit5?  
TA: you know,, 5aving me a lot of embara55ment along the way,..,   
GC: OK4y M!st#R s4LTy s#$w4T#r  
GC: wH$t 1S YouR M1sS!on   
TA: obviou5ly,, i can’’t give you the exact detail5,..,  
TA: but if you’’re confu5ed about anything after i’’m done explaining,, i’’ll try to an5wer your que5tion5,..,   
GC: >:o  
GC: $ Top S#cr#T m1SS1oN  
GC: #qu!Us l!K3s YOu   
TA: i 5incerely doubt that,..,  
TA: i mean,, it’’5 not like he wouldn’’t kill me if i failed,..,   
GC: tH$t 1S JusT ProC#duR#  
GC: buT !t lOOks L!k3 H# trUSts YOu  
GC: 1SNt tH$t gR#4t  
GC: wH$ts TH3 m!Ss1ON   
TA: it ha5 to do with makara,..,   
GC: blUH  
GC: of COurS# 1t DO3s  
GC: H# 1s SO pr#D1cT$bl#  
GC: !n sOM3 w$Ys  
GC: mOR3 tH$n oTH3rS   
TA: well,, i know i’’m not really 5uppo5ed to 5ay thi5,,  
TA: but i really don’’t think the ki5me5i55itude i5 doing him any favor5,..,  
TA: i mean,, i gue55 i can 5ee where he’’5 coming from,, but it’’5 really getting in the way of thing5,..,   
GC: ! th!Nk 1T !s  
GC: 4DOr4BL3  
GC: tH#y 4R# so !N h4T#  
GC: th#Y 4r# Bl1ND  
GC: to #V3rYTh1NG 3lS#  
GC: th$T 1s TH3 sTUff  
GC: L#g3NDs 4R# m4D# of  
GC: $Nd 4LSo mOV13S  
GC: wH!ch $R3 b$Sic$Lly  
GC: TH3 3X$ct S$m3 TH1nG   
TA: it’’5 embara55ing i5 what it i5,..,  
TA: but thi5 i5n’’t about what the emperor doe5 in hi5 quadrant5,..,   
GC: !t k!Nd oF !s   
TA: yeah,, fine,, but not in that way,..,   
GC: 1S Th3R# 4nY Oth#R w4Y   
TA: are you being difficult on purpo5e now?  
TA: becau5e i hone5tly can’’t tell anymore,..,   
GC: M4yB# >;]   
TA: you know,, it’’5 kind of a ha55le to talk to you 5ometime5,..,  
TA: i mean,, i’’m pretty 5ure we ju5t typed over 500 word5 and we haven’’t gotten anywhere yet,..,   
GC: yoU H4v#Nt 3V#n 4SK3D $nyTH1nG Y#t   
TA: 5o 5top di5tracting me already,..,   
GC: 1M Not  
GC: YOur# D1sTR4cT!ng YOurS#lf   
TA: oh plea5e,..,  
TA: my 5en5e5 might not be a5 refined a5 your5 are,, but i can tell a lie from mile5 away,..,   
GC: i am not lying   
TA: okay,..,  
TA: 5orry about that,..,   
GC: TH4t W$snT N1c# $t 4LL >:[   
TA: okay,, okay,..,  
TA: i apologize,..,  
TA: officially,..,  
TA: in the legi5lacerator way,..,  
TA: ju5t 5o you know i’’m 5eriou5,..,   
GC: 1 4CC3pT YouR $poLOgy  
GC: BUt jUSt tH!s oNC3  
GC: wH$t dO You W$nt   
TA: wow,..,  
TA: i actually made you mad,, didn’’t i?  
TA: you you,, i mean,..,   
GC: Y#s  
GC: 1M K1nD Of uPS3t   
TA: look,, i’’m really 5orry,, okay?   
GC: what do you want   
TA: i don’’t want you to take thi5 the wrong way,, becau5e it 5ound5 like a very wrong que5tion,, but i don’’t mean it like that at all,..,   
GC: say it   
TA: what do you think of thi5 whole rebellion bu5ine55?  
TA: thi5 whole me55 of a conflict,..,   
GC: OH  
GC: th$T 1s $ V3rY D1fF!cuLT qu#St1ON  
GC: 1 tH!nk ! Und#Rst$Nd  
GC: wHY yoU D1dNT juST s4Y So   
TA: thank5,..,   
GC: bUT 1 tH!nk TH3 r#B3lL!on DO3s S#rv# $ purpose#  
GC: #v3N !f w# $lr#$dy KNow  
GC: TH3 3ND1nG  
GC: $nd ! Th1NK g4MZ33 KNowS !t tOO  
GC: buT DonT T3lL $nyON3 1 S$1d TH4t   
TA: your 5ecret’’5 5afe with me,..,  
TA: locked up in one of nepeta’’5 5tupid flarp che5t5,..,  
TA: with the key lo5t 5omewhere in kanaya’’5 hive,..,   
GC: TH4t SOunDS pr#Tty S$f3  
GC: >:]  
GC: $Nd 1F W3 dONt 4LR34DY knOW  
GC: th# #nd!Ng w!Ll b# #v3N Mor# #xc!T1nG  
GC: ! hoP# th$T h3LP3d SOllUX   
TA: you know the weird part?  
TA: it actually did,..,   
GC: >:]  
GC: goOD luCK w1TH yoUR m1SS1oN   
TA: 5ee ya,..,

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

**Sollux: Review**

You don’t think that was your best work, really, but considering the circumstances, you think you did rather well. You’re also somewhat proud of having faced her whispers more or less unflinchingly.

It wasn’t exactly the most helpful of conversations, but you didn’t really expect it to be. It’s fairly clear that she’s up to something, at least, what with the whole ‘ending’ spiel at the end, but that could just be general subjugglator business, or just general Terezi Pyrope business. You’re not really sure what the difference would be.

Nevertheless, you’re going to have to keep an eye on her and her closest friends.

You’re already pretty sure who you’re going to talk to first.

In fact, you’re quite looking forward to the conversation.

Maybe you’ll even get something useful out of him.

**Sollux: Troll Karkat**

\-- targetAcquired [TA] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

TA: hey vanta5,..,   
CG: YEAH, THAT’2 2TILL PRETTY CLO2E 2 HOW MY NAME I2 ACTUALLY SPELLED.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, CAPTOR?   
TA: you know,, it’’5 actually pretty incredible how you can make your5elf look like a complete a55 in ju5t one 5entence,..,   
CG: BITE MY DIGITAL BONE BULGE, NOOK2TAIN.  
CG: YOU KNOW, 2INCE THE REAL ONE I2 FAR 2 GOOD FOR YOU.   
TA: at lea5t in that ca5e there’’5 5omething to bite on,..,   
CG: OH?  
CG: I2 THAT WHAT YOU’RE HERE FOR?  
CG: HOLD ON, LET ME FREE 2OME OF MY PRECIOU2 TIME, 2O I CAN HAVE AN IDIOT-OFF WITH THE UNDI2PUTED MA2TER OF BEING A GODDAMN MORON.  
CG: 2POILER ALERT:  
CG: YOU’D WIN.   
TA: 5ir vanta5?  
TA: i have a que5tion,..,  
TA: what are the rule5 of thi5 5uppo5ed idiot-off?  
TA: doe5 me beating you mean you’’re the bigger moron or the other way around?  
TA: it’’5 kind of vague and could u5e 5ome actual expo5ition,..,  
TA: help a guy out here,..,   
CG: IT MEAN2 YOU’RE THE BIGGE2T IDIOT 2 EVER 2URVIVE THE BROODING CAVERN2.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?   
TA: would you calm your nubby little horn5 already?  
TA: i’’m ju5t here to talk,..,  
TA: i don’’t know what el5e i would want from you,, anyway,..,   
CG: RIGHT.  
CG: LET ME HANG MY FUCKING DI2BELIEF RIGHT OUT OF THI2 HOLE IN THE WALL.  
CG: DELETE THAT ENTIRE 2UBROUTINE OF MY MUCH ABU2ED THINK PAN.  
CG: WOW, THAT 2UDDENLY MADE MY LIFE 2O MUCH EA2IER.  
CG: WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT 2OONER?  
CG: IT WOULD’VE 2AVED ME 2O MUCH TROUBLE.  
CG: AL2O, FUCK YOU I’M BU2Y.   
TA: what on alternia could you po55ibly be bu5y with?  
TA: i know for a fact that you do nothing but 5it on your a55 all night,..,  
TA: i don’’t even need to 5tart an inve5tigation to figure that one out,..,  
TA: 5o,, vanta5,, enlighten me,..,  
TA: what are you 5o bu5y with?   
CG: I’M PRETTY 2URE WHAT I’M UP 2 I2 NONE OF YOUR BU2INE22.  
CG: LIKE, AT FUCKING ALL.   
TA: and i’’m pretty 5ure that the fact that you’’re the one who’’5 up to it make5 it my bu5ine55,..,  
TA: 5o 5pill it,, a55hole,..,   
CG: WOW, YEAH, I CAN 2EE HOW YOU’RE THE GREATE2T LEGI2LACERATOR OF OUR GENERATION.  
CG: YOU KNOW JU2T WHAT KEY2 2 PRE22 2 MAKE ME FEEL COOPERATIVE.  
CG: JU2T FUCK OFF.  
CG: THI2 I2 PRIVATE FUCKING BU2INE22.   
TA: ,..,  
TA: yeah,, you’’re right,..,  
TA: i wouldn’’t want anything to do with that,..,   
CG: DUDE, WHAT?  
CG: THAT I2 NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT AND DON’T EVEN PRETEND YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT.   
TA: 5ure thing,, vanta5,..,  
TA: whatever keep5 your 5lightly obe5e body afloating,..,   
CG: AND HERE I WA2, THINKING THI2 CONVER2ATION COULDN’T REACH A WHOLE NEW CLA22 OF 2TUPID ANYMORE.  
CG: YOU’VE PROVEN ME WRONG YET AGAIN.  
CG: WE’RE MAKING 2IGNIFICANT 2CIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH2 HERE.  
CG: MI2TER ‘I COVER MY EYE2 BECAU2E I’M JU2T THAT MUCH COOLER THAN YOU’ CAPTOR.  
CG: YOU LOOK LIKE A LONG 2INCE DI2CARDED TOOL.   
TA: okay,, one,, i need tho5e thing5 to protect my eye5 from the 5un,, a55hole,..,  
TA: you know,, becau5e 5ome of u5 like to get up early,..,  
TA: two,, how the fuck do you even know that?   
CG: I HAVE EYE2 EVERYWHERE, CAPTOR.  
CG: AT LEA2T 2 OF THO2E ARE THE EYE2 OF TEREZI PYROPE.  
CG: ALONG2IDE WHATEVER OTHER 2EN2E2 2HE HAPPEN2 2 MI2TAKE FOR THEM AT WHATEVER RANDOM TIMEFRAME WE’RE WORKING IN HERE.  
CG: 2HE LIKE2 2 DRAW.  
CG: DO I NEED 2 HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THE RE2T OF THE EXPLANATION?  
CG: OR CAN YOU HANDLE THE2E FINAL 2TEP2 ON YOUR OWN?   
TA: and 5he 5hare5 her 5opor-induced ma5terpiece5 with you becau5e you’’re obviou5ly uniquely qualified to appreciate them,, right?  
TA: what’’5 up with you and her,, anyway?  
TA: i5 there 5omething going on between you two?  
TA: becau5e i don’’t 5ee any rea5on for her to talk to you otherwi5e and i ju5t know you can’’t go 5 5entence5 without pi55ing her off.  
TA: and hone5tly,, i’’ve 5een her angry and it’’5 pretty fucking terrifying to anyone with a think pan,..,   
CG: REALLY?  
CG: YOU WANT 2 HEAR ABOUT MY ROMANTIC A2PIRATION2?  
CG: YOU’D BETTER 2IT DOWN FOR A WHILE, BECAU2E WE HAVE A LOT OF FUCKING GROUND 2 COVER HERE.  
CG: 2ERIOU2LY, YOU 2OUND LIKE YOU’RE JEALOU2.  
CG: QUE2TION I2, ARE YOU JEALOU2 OF HER?  
CG: OR ME?   
TA: no thank5,..,  
TA: you can have the crazy girl5,, vanta5,..,  
TA: i’’d rather find 5omeone with 5ome 5emblance of 5anity,..,   
CG: YEAH RIGHT.  
CG: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.  
CG: EVEN YOU 2HOULD BE 2MART ENOUGH 2 FIGURE OUT NOBODY FIT2 THAT DE2CRIPTION.  
CG: YOUR 2EARCH WARRANT’2 BEEN RETURNED, YOU NEED 2 GET YOUR PROFILING 2TRAIGHT.   
TA: you almo5t 5ounded like you knew what you were talking about,..,  
TA: keep up the good work,..,   
CG: LOOK, IT’2 NOT THAT I’M NOT THRILLED THAT I’M NO LONGER THE ONLY ONE PULLING THI2 FUCKING TRAINWRECK OF A CONVER2ATION.  
CG: BUT YOU WANTED 2 TALK ABOUT 2OMETHING.  
CG: 2O GET 2 IT ALREADY.   
TA: i’’m good,..,  
TA: you’’ve pretty much already given me everything i needed out of you,, anyway,..,  
TA: thank5 for that,..,   
CG: I 2WEAR IF I FIND OUT ANOTHER HIGHBLOOD I2 GETTING OFF ON THEIR CONVER2ATION2 WITH ME, I AM GOING 2 KILL MY2ELF AND THERE WON’T BE A DAMN THING MARYAM’2 ROBOT2 CAN DO ABOUT IT.   
TA: you mean i’’m not the only one?  
TA: damn,, here i thought i had 5pecial privilege5,..,   
CG: 2HUT THE FUCK UP CAPTOR.   
TA: no really,, i’’m kind of di5appointed you let them get away with that,..,  
TA: i thought what we had wa5 5pecial,..,

\-- codingGenius [CG] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

**Sollux: React**

The best part about living alone in the forest is, by far, that no one can hear you laugh, because you’re pretty sure eyebrows would be raised if they could.

Vantas managed to cheer you up considerably, as he so often does. You don’t think there’s much else you can do regarding Terezi Pyrope, at the moment. You’ll have to get back to that later.

For now, you might as well get some training done.

In the meantime, we’ll go see how someone else is doing.

**Nepeta: Continue**

Your second favorite toy didn’t want to play. Again. You think you might need to replace her with someone else, and you have the perfect candidate.

The best part about her is that she already hates your number one favorite toy and, even though you haven’t been able to make him hate her yet, you think they would make such a cute kismesis couple!

They would be all kinds of adorable!

You’re also in luck, because you know she’s alone tonight, which means you can play with her all you like!

This is going to be so much fun.

**Nepeta: Talk to Toy**

It’s always best to announce your intentions. It makes the game more fun.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

AC: ::::3 hiiiiiiii!   
CC: No.  
CC: P1ease.   
AC: ::::3 i would like to play with you tonight  
AC: ::::3 is that okay?   
CC: P1ease 1eaf me a1one.   
AC: ::::3 why would i want to do that?  
AC: ::::3 that would be no fun at all  
AC: ::::3 dont you like playing games with me?   
CC: Why are you doing this to me?   
AC: ::::3 just think of all the fun times weve had together!  
AC: ::::3 is there anything special youd like to do tonight?   
CC: no.  
CC: 1 don’t want to do anything.   
AC: ::::3 thats okay  
AC: ::::3 ill come up with something for you   
CC: I---Don’t.  
CC: p1ease.  
CC: 1 beg you.   
AC: ;;;;3 well have soooooooo much fun together

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

**Nepeta: Play**

Your mind reaches out to a familiar place and meets almost no resistance, taking over the mind of your new second favorite toy.

For some strange reason you can’t seem to stop the tears from flowing, though.

Oh well.


	8. Be the Blueblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is KANAYA MARYAM and you are quite possibly the MOST INVOLVED TROLL OF YOUR GENERATION.
> 
> \---
> 
> Your name is TAVROS NITRAM and you REALLY LIKE LIVING.

**Be the Blueblood**

You are now the BLUEBLOOD. More specifically, you are now the NAVYBLOOD.

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM and you are quite possibly the MOST INVOLVED TROLL OF YOUR GENERATION.

This is largely due to your WIDE VARIETY OF HOBBIES, since you reasoned it to be far easier for you to DROP OLD HOBBIES as you grew older than it was to OBTAIN NEW ONES.

For example, you’ve become rather adept at BUILDING ROBOTS and you’re already able to MODIFY THEM TO SUIT YOUR CLIENT’S NEEDS. Within reason, of course. This is a very fortunate skill indeed, since it means your lusus, AURTHOR, has a lot of help with HOUSEKEEPING, freeing up your time for your OTHER PASSIONS.

You also greatly enjoy FASHION DESIGN, although, due to the nature of your species, you have been unable to find many INTERESTED INDIVIDUALS to wear your clothes. Trolls, it seems, think fashion is stupid. You think you might be GETTING SOMEWHERE now that your matesprit is wearing them, though.

Your most, ah, PASSIONATE hobby, however, has to be PSYCHOLOGY, a practice in which you sometimes get CARRIED AWAY. Passionately carried away, that is. Despite this, you function as a sort of COUNCILLOR/THERAPIST for your fellow trolls.

You trade your services for FAVOURS, which you collect for various purposes.

You are also the Emperor’s EMISSARY TO THE LANDDWELLERS, which might be important to mention.

It is, as such, not surprising that things get lost sometimes.

Your trolltag is governingAristocrat and Yov Speak In A Clear If Somewhat Archaic Fashion.

**Kanaya: Look Around**

You are currently in your workshop. This is to say, you are currently in your fashion workshop, since you have two.

It holds various fabrics, differing in colour and material. Since your species is naturally drawn to darker colours, something which you happen to agree with, you attempted to capitalise on this. As such, there are a lot of shades of black to be found.

Naturally, there are some mannequins as well. Since you like to think you specialise in making dresses, most of these are in a female shape. This is absolutely the only reason for this. In actuality, they are training dummies, really, but you make do with what you have.

You were actually working on a purple dress before you were informed by your matesprit’s slave that she would be arriving soon, through one of the terminals you placed in every block. You have to be accessible, after all, and you might end up forgetting a husktop somewhere.

Since then, you’ve been more occupied with making yourself look presentable than with your work. Fortunately, you have equipment that allows you to change out of your working clothes into a garb more suited to the occasion rather quickly. Unfortunately, this means you can’t get back to work without messing up your look.

Oh well, some sacrifices must be made.

**Kanaya: Wait**

Yes, well, you’ve never been very good at sitting still. Or standing still, as the case may be. There must be something you can do?

Ah, yes. You received a report that he blew another hole in his wall a while ago. You may as well see what his deal is.

**Kanaya: Check on Client**

He is certainly a dissatisfied customer, but then again, ‘dissatisfied’ describes him fairly well, you find.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

GA: Good Evening, Mister Vantas.  
CG: OH COME ON!  
CG: REALLY?  
CG: I2 IT HIGHBLOOD ME22 WITH KARKAT VANTA2 NIGHT?  
CG: ALL I NEED I2 2ERKET 2 GRACE ME WITH HER CHEERFUL PRE2ENCE AND I’LL BE 2IX FOR 2IX.  
GA: I Do Hope My Cotemporaries Were Not Too Intrvsive?  
CG: THAT’2 YOUR JOB, RIGHT?  
GA: Vsvally, Yes.  
GA: Bvt It May Svrprise Yov That I Am Rather Short On Time Tonight.  
GA: Therefore I Wovld Very Mvch Like To Keep This Brief.  
CG: THAT 2OUND2 AB2OLUTELY PERFECT 2 ME.  
CG: I HAVE A LOT OF WORK 2 GET 2 A2 WELL.  
GA: Now Yov Certainly Have Piqved My Cvriosity.  
GA: Bvt Yovr Personal Passtimes Are Not Why I Wished To Speak With Yov.  
CG: THI2 CODE BE THE MO2T PLEA2ANT 2URPRI2E I’VE HAD ALL 2WEEP.  
CG: IT MU2T BE MY WRIGGLING DAY.  
CG: WAIT WHAT DO YOU WANT 2 TALK ABOUT?  
GA: The Recent Expansion Vpon Yovr Hive’s Air Circvlation System.  
GA: There Were Qvite Some Noise Complaints, I’m Given To Vnderstand.  
GA: Mostly Made By My Robots.  
GA: What Happened?  
CG: I LO2T CONTROL AND BLEW OUT A WALL WITH MY OPTIC BLA2T.  
GA: Again.  
CG: YE2 A FUCKING GAIN.  
CG: THANK2 FOR POINTING THAT OUT, MARYAM.  
GA: The Pleasvre Was All Mine.  
GA: I Am Also Assvming The Voices Were Responsible.  
CG: I THOUGH YOU WERE GOING 2 BE BRIEF?  
GA: Is There Anything Yov Wish To Share With Me On The Topic?  
CG: I’M THE 2INGLE TROLL LUCKY ENOUGH 2 BE HATCHED WITH THE ABBILITY 2 HEAR THE VOICE2 OF THE 2OON 2 BE DEAD.  
CG: BECAU2E THEY HAVE ALL KIND2 OF NICE THING2 2 2AY THAT I JU2T CAN’T WAIT 2 2PEND A WHOLE NIGHT LI2TENING 2.  
CG: 2OMETIME2 THEY CAU2E MY THINK PAN 2 VIOLENTLY CRA2H.  
CG: WHICH TEND2 2 BE UNHEALTHY FOR THE 2URROUNDING AREA.  
CG: BA2ICALLY I’M A TIMEBOMB OF A TROLL, JU2T WAITING 2 EXPLODE.  
CG: AND AL2O AN AWFUL PER2ON, I FEEL I 2HOULD MENTION THAT.  
CG: CA2E FUCKING CLO2ED.  
CG: THANK2 FOR THI2 ENLIGHTENING CONVER2ATION, MARYAM.  
CG: IT’2 BEEN REALLY FUCKING HELPFUL.  
CG: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU NEED THAT EXACT 2AME RANT AGAIN.  
CG: I HAVE IT 2AVED ON MY COMPUTER.  
GA: Yov Continve To Be As Cheerfvl As Ever.  
GA: Have There Been Any Noticable Changes In The Behaviovr Of These Voices?  
GA: Assvming The Term ‘Behaviovr’ Is Applicable In This Context.  
CG: THEY’VE BEEN GETTING LOUDER RECENTLY.  
CG: OR MAYBE HIGHER IN FREQUENCY, I GUE22.  
CG: WHICH I2N’T FOREBODING AT ALL.  
GA: That Certainly Does Sovnd Somewhat Ominovs.  
GA: At Any Rate, I Will Have My Robots Make Svre The Strvctvral Integrity Of Your Hivestem Has Not Been Compromised.  
GA: If Yov Haven’t Yet Disabled That Fvnction, That Is.  
GA: Yov Are Costing Me Qvite A Few Resovrces Here, Mister Vantas.  
CG: I PROBABLY HAVEN’T, 2INCE IT’2 A 2UBROUTINE THAT’2 ACTUALLY U2EFUL.  
GA: Yov Really Do Need To Stop That, Mind Yov.  
GA: Whether Yov Like It Or Not, I Am The One Tasked With Watching Over Yov.  
GA: Shovld Yov Prove Too Mvch For Me To Handle, Eqvivs May Replace Me.  
GA: With Vriska, For Example.  
GA: Or Nepeta.  
CG: YOU’RE JU2T PI22ED I 2TOPPED THEM FROM 2ENDING CAMERA FOOTAGE BACK.  
CG: WHICH WA2 NOT IN ANY WAY CREEPY AT ALL.  
GA: I Confess That Did Leave Me Somewhat Vpset.  
GA: And I Have Never Done Anything Less Than Savovry With Said Footage.  
GA: How Dare You Svggest Svch A Thing?  
CG: 2EE, I WA2 GOING 2 2AY ‘DEFINE 2AVORY’.  
CG: BUT THEN I FIGURED I REALLY DON’T WANT 2 KNOW.  
CG: ANYTHING EL2E YOU NEED?  
GA: Well, Since My Appointment Has Not Yet Arrived, Why Don’t Yov Tell Me What Yov Are Working On?  
CG: 2INCE THI2 I2N’T PART OF YOUR REGULAR DUTIE2, WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH THI2 INFORMATION I2 WORTH 2 YOU?  
CG: I’M PRETTY 2URE THERE ARE A FEW FAVOR2 I CAN’T WAIT 2 GET RID OF.  
CG: LIKE THE ONE WHERE YOU DON’T TELL EQUIU2 ABOUT ME REPROGRAMMING YOUR ROBOT2.  
CG: ALTHOUGH THAT’2 PROBABLY 2 MUCH 2 A2K.  
GA: Yov Are Noticeably Improving At This.  
GA: Very Commendable Indeed.  
GA: Bvt Yes, That Favovr Will Reqvire Something Far More Interesting Than This.  
GA: I Am Willing To Trade The Secrets Of Yovr Conversations With Miss Pyrope.  
CG: YOU’RE THAT CURIOU2?  
CG: REALLY?  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE MY LIFE I2 THAT INTERE2TING 2 YOU.  
GA: Someone Has To Take An Active Interest In Yovr Affairs, Mister Vantas.  
GA: Otherwise, Who Wovld Know What Yov Wovld Get Vp To?  
GA: Wovld Yov Agree To These Terms?  
CG: I THINK I CAN AGREE 2 THEM, 2URE.  
CG: CAN YOU?  
CG: BA2ICALLY I JU2T WANT 2 2EE YOU 2AY THAT WE HAVE A DEAL, BEFORE YOU MANAGE 2 TRICK ME OUT OF MY INFORMATION OTHERWI2E.  
GA: Yov Were Qvite Amvsing For That Split Second Where Yov Tried To Achieve This Withovt Being So Blatant Abovt This Desire.  
GA: Bvt Yes, We Have A Deal.  
CG: AWE2OME.  
CG: I’M WORKING ON A GAME.  
GA: Well, That Was Fairly Anticlimactic.  
CG: AND YOU’LL KEEP THINKING THAT, RIGHT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE I FINI2H IT.  
GA: Yov Have Finally Begvn Work On Yovr Magnvm Opvs, Have Yov?  
GA: At Least Make Svre I Get A Copy Of This Magnificent Piece Of Art.  
CG: WELL, 2EE, IT’2 A MULTIPLAYER GAME BY DE2IGN, 2O I CAN HARDLY PLAY IT ON MY OWN.  
CG: THE QUE2TION YOU 2HOULD A2K YOUR2ELF I2 IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR IT.  
CG: IT’2 QUITE AN INVE2TMENT, LET ME TELL YOU.  
GA: Then Perhaps I Will Not Be A Very Dedicated Player, Bvt Yov Can Be Assvred That I Will Find Some Time In My Schedvle To Play Yovr Game With Yov.  
GA: Althovgh I Insist I Be Informed Of Some Details Before I Begin.  
CG: IT’2 AN IMER2IVE 2IMULATION GAME.  
CG: THAT’2 PRETTY MUCH ALL I’M GOING 2 TELL YOU OR ANYONE EL2E PLAYING.  
GA: When Can I Expect This Vniqve Experience To Reach My Hvmble Hive?  
CG: LATER 2NIGHT.  
CG: NO, I’M NOT KIDDING.  
CG: I’M JU2T THAT BADA22 A PROGRAMMER.  
GA: That Still Seems Impossibly Fast.  
GA: If I’m Not Mistaken This Is A Relatively Recent Vndertaking.  
GA: And It Also Sovnds Like A Rather Massive Project.  
CG: I 2TARTED JU2T A LITTLE WHILE AGO.  
GA: That Seems Extremely Vnlikely.  
CG: WELL, MI22 MARYAM, MAYBE YOU CAN 2PEND 2OME TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THI2 INCREDIBLE RIDDLE I JU2T DUMPED ON YOU.  
CG: I’M 2URE YOU’LL ENJOY THE CHALLENGE.  
GA: Or I Covld Simply Make Yov Inform Me Of Whoever Is Aiding Yov In This Endeavor.  
CG: NICE ATTEMPT AT FI2HING FOR INFORMATION, BUT I’M NOT GOING 2 TELL YOU ANYTHING.  
CG: NOT WITHOUT TRADING IT FOR THE BIGGE2T FAVOR I OWE YOU.  
GA: Well, That Tells Me Something, At Least.  
GA: This Has Been An Interesting Conversation, Mister Vantas.  
GA: Well Worth The Favovr And Time I Had To Spend On It.  
GA: I Will Leave Yov To Yovr Work.  
CG: I’D APPRECIATE THAT.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

Aren’t lowerbloods adorable when they’re trying to be devious?

At any rate, it appears your guest has arrived.

**Kanaya: Greet Guest**

Your hive is really quite spacious, which means it would take far too long to venture down there yourself to open the door and your guest cannot possibly know which of your blocks you’re currently occupying. Fortunately, modern technology offers a solution to this problem and you quickly have one of your robots open the door and let her in, while Aurthor makes both of you a glass of milk.

You’re not entirely too fond of it, but he is so diligent in this task that you really do not have the heart to tell him to stop. You suppose it doesn’t taste too terrible. Your guest tends to enjoy it, though.

You’re not really sure as to why you keep referring to her as ‘your guest’. Everyone already knows it’s Vriska and that she’s your matesprit and that’s why she’s here. You’ve had two conversations about this very event already. You guess it makes it feel more mysterious and enticing? Or maybe you’re just being silly for the sake of it.

**Kanaya: Actually Greet Guest**

Yes, you suppose your thoughts did wander off slightly. Vriska has already made her way upstairs and now stands before you in one of the dresses you made for her. It’s far more elaborate than anything you wear, since you think the most stylish garments rise out of simplicity, but Vriska has always had a more bombastic personality. This particular dress isn’t as good as the one you’re making for her right now, but you still think it’s a rather fine piece of work. Since you’re the only authority on the subject, you’re undoubtedly correct in this assessment.

Vriska greets you with a wide grin and you smile back at her. Aurthor returns with his milk, once again proving that he has impeccable timing. Vriska sits down next to you and you tell her her slave had been so courteous as to inform you of her arrival, to which she just laughs and you smile with her. You engage in some idle chatter, which isn’t at all difficult, considering that both of you are easy talkers, but soon the topic of your most recent creation-in-progress comes up.

There’s a part of you that would really like to keep it a secret for her until it’s done, but you also really appreciate the input of the only one besides you whose opinion is of any worth on the subject.

What to do?

**Kanaya: Show Her**

It’s not like she will allow this night’s activities to go anywhere without first being shown her dress, so you may as well indulge her.

You take her hand and lead her towards your fashion workshop. She knows the way by now, of course, but this is your hive, and so she lets you guide her.

You pass by your small library (small in that it is still, in fact, a library), which holds all sorts of manuals, one of which is easily the most interesting, which is why nobody knows you have it. Not even her, and not even him.

**Kanaya: Watch**

Vriska reacts the way she almost always does when you show her a new dress: clearly excited, but in a way that befits a seadweller. She begins inspecting the dress more carefully, reminiscent of how an art critic looks around a museum. If trolls had musea, that is.

She’s also careful not to actually touch it yet. This is your work, after all. She asks a few questions, makes a few suggestions (you smile at every single one, even though she isn’t looking at you) and finally just looks at it again in complete silence, an approving smile on her face. She has torn your dress apart and reconstructed it in her mind, and, in doing so, come to understand and appreciate it better. You can’t help but feel proud.

You ask her if she likes it, a pointless question, of course, but you’d still like to hear the answer. She doesn’t hesitate to point out how stupid a question it is, and how you would be deluding yourself if you thought anyone could not and eventually she finishes by saying that of course she likes it and that she can’t wait until it’s done.

There might also have been something resembling an ‘I love you’ in there, one of the few sentences her accent will never touch.

**Kanaya: Continue**

Before the night’s events can go any further than just a kiss, you hear the familiar sound of Trollian, and your heart sinks. She looks at you, begging you to tell her you don’t have to answer this one, but you’ve had this conversation before, and duty calls.

She is somewhat dejected, of course, but because you’ve encountered this situation often, you have already set up several ways for her to occupy herself while you attend to your duties. She hurries towards the arena, where you have a few robots for her to fight at any given time. They’re quite sturdy and will no doubt provide the challenge she seeks.

In the meantime, you check to see who contacted you.

Well, this is quite unexpected.

**Kanaya: Answer**

\-- allegianceTrustee [AT] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

AT: hELLO kANAYA,  
AT: pLEASE dON’T sTOP tALKING tO mE,  
AT: iMMEDIATELY,  
AT: i kNOW wE aRE nOT sUPPOSED tO tALK tO eACH oTHER,  
AT: bECAUSE wE’RE eNEMIES,  
AT: tECHNICALLY,  
AT: aND aLSO aCTUALLY, i gUESS,  
AT: bUT i wANT tO aSK yOU,  
AT: tO fORGET tHAT,  
AT: fOR tHE dURATION oF tHIS cONVERSATION,  
AT: bECAUSE tHERE iS sOMETHING,  
AT: i tHINK i nEED tO tALK aBOUT,  
AT: wITH yOU,  
AT: i gUESS yOU aREN’T tHERE,  
AT: sINCE yOU hAVEN’T rEPLIED,  
AT: tO mE, yET,  
GA: I Do Apologise For The Delay.  
GA: Well, This Is Certainly An Vnvsval Sitvation.  
GA: Excvse Me For A Moment While I Consider My Options.  
AT: sURE,  
AT: tAKE yOUR tIME }:)  
GA: I Have Reached A Decision.  
AT: tHAT wAS pRETTY fAST,  
AT: i tHINK,  
GA: I Do Take Pride In Being Able To Act Fast.  
GA: My Decision Is As Follows:  
GA: Regardless Of Ovr Conflict Of Interest I Wovld Like To Offer Yov The Same Covrtesy And Proffesionalism I Offer Every Troll.  
GA: So By All Means, Mister Nitram, Do Continve.  
AT: bEFORE i dO,  
AT: aS yOU sAID,  
AT: i tHINK wE hAVE tO sET a cOUPLE oF rULES,  
AT: fOR tHIS eXCHANGE,  
GA: And What Might These Rvles Inclvde?  
AT: oKAY, fIRST,  
AT: nOT tELLING aNYONE,  
AT: aBOUT tHIS cONVERSATION,  
AT: oR tHE cONTENTS oF iT,  
AT: uNLESS tHERE iS sOMETHING wE cAN bOTH aGREE oN,  
AT: tHAT wE cAN tALK aBOUT,  
GA: That Does Sovnd Like A Reasonable Demand.  
GA: Assvming Yov Are Bovnd To This Arrangement As Well As I.  
AT: yES,  
GA: In Which Case, I Accept This Condition.  
GA: Anything Else?  
AT: i wOULD aLSO lIKE tO kNOW,  
AT: hOW tO pAY,  
GA: Very Well.  
GA: I Will Explain My Standard Procedvre To Yov.  
AT: oKAY,  
GA: In Retvrn For Any Information Or Aid I Provide, My Client (Yov, In This Case) Will Owe Me A Favovr.  
GA: The Size Of This Favovr Is, Of Covrse, Dependant On What Yov Ask Of Me.  
GA: According To An Exchange Rate Set By Me.  
GA: This Favovr Can, In Certain Cases, Be Decided Beforehand.  
GA: However, Since This Is Ovr First Session, This Option Is Not Available To Yov.  
GA: As Svch, I Will Decide How Yov Can Retvrn This Favovr In The Fvtvre.  
GA: Do Yov Vnderstand These Terms?  
AT: yES, i dO,  
AT: bUt i dON’T tHINK yOU hAVE tO wORRY,  
AT: aBOUT cOMING uP wITH a fAVOR,  
AT: fOR mE,  
GA: And How Do Yov Figvre That, Mister Nitram?  
AT: bECAUSE yOU wILL wANT tO eXCHANGE iT,  
AT: dURING tHIS cONVERSATION,  
GA: Well.  
GA: That, I Did Not Expect.  
GA: I Mvst Say, I’m Impressed.  
GA: Yov Have My Vndivided Attention.  
GA: What Is It Yov Desire?  
AT: i hAVE bEEN eXPERIENCING sOME vERY cONFLICTED fEELINGS,  
AT: rECENTLY,  
AT: aBOUT tHINGS aBOUT tO hAPPEN,  
GA: And Is This Somehow Related To Your Moirail And His Perfectly Qvaint Rebelion?  
AT: uHH,,,  
AT: nO, aCTUALLY,  
AT: tHIS dOESN’T rEALLY hAVE aNYTHING tO dO wITH gAMZEE,  
AT: aT aLL,  
GA: Yov Will Have To Excvse Me For Being Skeptical Of This Statement.  
GA: I Will, However, Not Claim Yov Are Lying Either Vntil Yov Have Actvally Told Me What Is Trovbling Yov.  
AT: tHANK yOU,  
AT: i tHINK,  
AT: tHIS aCTUALLY iSN’T aS eASY tO sAY,  
AT: aS i tHOUGHT,  
AT: iT wOULD bE,  
AT: tO sOMEONE i dON’T rEALLY kNOW,  
AT: wOW, yEAH,  
GA: That Is Qvite Alright.  
GA: Take As Mvch Time As Yov Need.  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: sO,  
AT: mY lUSUS iS gOING tO dIE,  
AT: vERY sOON,  
AT: aND tHERE iS nOTHING i cAN dO,  
AT: aBOUT tHAT,  
GA: Yovr Lvsvs Is A Virgin Mother Grvb, Yes?  
AT: yES,  
GA: How Is Yovr Relationship With Her?  
AT: sHE iS jUST tHE vERY bEST lUSUS eVER,  
AT: sHE iS kIND aND sUPPORTIVE oF eVERYTHING,  
AT: i dO,  
AT: aND sHE hELPS mE pROTECT oUR hIVE,  
AT: wHEN iT’S nECESSARY,  
GA: Do Yov Know Why She Is Abovt To Meet Her End?  
AT: iT wAS aLWAYS sUPPOSED tO hAPPEN,  
AT: i gUESS,  
AT: wHEN a vIRGIN mOTHER gRUB aBANDONS hER dUTIES tO tAKE cARE oF a gRUB sHE dIES rEALLY eARLY,  
AT: bUT sHE aLSO lEAVES sOMETHING bEHIND,  
GA: A Matriorb, Correct?  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: wOW,  
AT: hOW dID yOU kNOW tHAT?  
GA: I Do Like To Keep Myself Informed.  
GA: This Means Yov Are Responsible For Ensvring Ovr Species’ Progeny.  
GA: Yov Mvst Be Very Provd.  
AT: i kIND oF aM, i gUESS,  
AT: eVEN tHOUGH iT’S a rEALLY bIG rESPONSIBILITY,  
AT: bUT i’M rEALLY nOT tHINKING aBOUT tHAT,  
AT: yET,  
GA: Then The Conflicting Emotions Yov’re Feeling Are Entirely Dve To The Sadness Of Yovr Lvsvs Dying And The Pride Yov Feel In Carrying On Her Legacy?  
AT: tHAT iS tHE pART tHAT i wANTED tO tALK aBOUT,  
AT: yES,  
GA: I Take It That There Is More?  
GA: Bvt It Will Take The Favovr Yov Owe Me.  
AT: aCTUALLY,  
AT: i dON’T tHINK i oWE yOU a fAVOUR,  
AT: yET,  
GA: I Can Hardly Help Yov Withovt First Having All Relevant Information.  
GA: Bvt I Can Only Obtain That Information Throvgh A Favovr Yov Do Not Owe Me Yet.  
GA: Qvite The Paradox.  
AT: nOT rEALLY,  
AT: yOU cOULD jUST oWE mE a fAVOR iNSTEAD,  
AT: }:)  
GA: What A Novel Idea.  
GA: To Be Perfectly Honest I Am Beginning To Dovbt Yovr Sincerity In This Conversation.  
GA: Yov Don’t Appear Too Vpset With The Death Of Yovr Lvsvs At All.  
GA: Instead, Yov Seem More Interested In Mocking My Procedvres.  
AT: wHAT?  
AT: nO, }:(  
AT: pLEASE,  
AT: dON’T tHINK tHAT,  
AT: i rEALLY wANT tO tALK tO sOMEONE,  
AT: aBOUT hER,  
AT: aND iT lOOkS lIKE yOU kNOW a lOT,  
AT: aBOUT wHAT i aM dEALING wITH,  
AT: aND wHAT mY rESPONSIBILITIES aRE,  
GA: Yov Wovld Really Appreciate My Inpvt?  
AT: oF cOURSE,  
AT: wHY wOULD i tALK tO yOU,  
AT: iF i dIDN’T,  
GA: Very Well.  
GA: It Seems To Me That The Relationship With Yovr Lvsvs Will Have Been Approximately Ideal.  
GA: As Svch, Yov Will Miss Her.  
GA: There Is Nothing I Can Say To Yov That Will Change That Fact.  
GA: However, Yov Are Also In Charge Of Protecting Her Legacy And I Recommend Vsing That Thovght To Keep Yov Motivated Throvgh Yovr Darkest Moments.  
GA: I Don’t Think Yov Will Have A Lot Of Trovble With This, Considering That Yov Appear To Be A Generally Positive Yovng Troll Who Does Not Care Mvch For Appearances.  
GA: I Think Yovr Imagination Is Making This Event Worse Than It Will Actvally Tvrn Ovt To Be.  
GA: Yes, The Loss Of A Lvsvs Is A Sad Thing, Bvt, Jvdging From This Conversation, Yov Are Strong Enough To Handle It.  
GA: Therefore I Think Most Of Yovr Worry And Fear Will Prove To Be Vnfovnded.  
GA: Shovld This Not Be The Case, Yov Are Free To Contact Me Again.  
AT: i tHINK tHAT wILL hELP mE,  
AT: tHROUGH tHIS,  
AT: pRETTY wELL,  
AT: sO tHANK yOU,  
AT: vERY mUCH,  
GA: Yov Are Most Welcome.  
GA: Now, As For This Favovr Of Yovrs.  
AT: yES,  
AT: tHE dEATH oF mY lUSUS iSN’T tHE oNLY tHING,  
AT: tHAT wILL bE hAPPENING,  
AT: vERY sOON,  
GA: That Is Far Too Vagve To Be Worth Anything, I’m Afraid.  
GA: Yov Will Have To Do Better Than That, Mister Nitram.  
AT: wHICH iS tO sAY,  
AT: mY lUSUS iSN’T tHE oNLY oNE tHAT wILL dIE,  
AT: yOURS wILL, tOO,  
AT: aS wELL aS eVERYONE eLSE’S,  
GA: That Is Qvite A Bold Claim.  
AT: aND iT iS nOT tHE mOST sIGNIFICANT tHING tHAT wILL hAPPEN,  
AT: bUT iT iS sOMETHING i fEEL yOU sHOULD pREPARE yOURSELF fOR,  
AT: iF yOU wANT,  
GA: Let Me Make This Very Clear.  
GA: I Do Not Believe Yov, And Becavse Of That, This Information Will Not Serve To Free Yov Of Yovr Favovr.  
AT: yOU wILL bELIEVE mE,  
AT: iN a lITTLE wHILE,  
AT: cOULD yOU pLEASE wAIT uNTIL tHEN?  
GA: I Will Need A More Accvrate Time Limit, Mister Nitram.  
AT: tONIGHT,  
AT: iS wHEN iT wILL hAPPEN,  
AT: tONIGHT,  
AT: iS wHEN eVERYTHING cHANGES,  
GA: I See.  
GA: This Will Have Something To Do With Karkat’s Game, Then.  
AT: uHH,,,  
AT: hOW dO yOU kNOW,  
AT: aBOUT tHAT?  
GA: Are Yov Willing To Owe Me Another Favovr?  
AT: uHH,,,  
AT: nOT rEALLY,  
GA: Very Well Then.  
GA: Yov Will Have Vntil Tomorrow Morning For Yovr Prophecy To Come Trve.  
GA: I Hereby Consider Ovr Bvsiness Conclvded.  
GA: Good Night, Mister Nitram.  
AT: i’M cONFUSED,  
AT: gOOD nIGHT, i gUESS,

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] began trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

**Kanaya: Ponder**

Tonight suddenly became a lot more interesting, if he was speaking the truth. The connection with Karkat’s game does make his claim somewhat more credible, but you’re still skeptical.

Nevertheless, you have a guest to return to, so why don’t we go be someone else?

A matesprit to return to, damnit.

**Be ‘Him’**

That’s the absolute last time, seriously.

**Be ‘Him’**

Your name is TAVROS NITRAM and you REALLY LIKE LIVING.

You think there’s plenty in life to enjoy and you also REALLY LIKE ENJOYING THINGS.

One of the things you enjoy is YOUR GARDEN. It is filled with ALL KINDS OF FLORA, which has arranged itself in A HECTIC BUT EYE-PLEASING MANNER. You like to think so, anyway.

This is not to say you don’t TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT. You really do, it’s just that you like to WATCH THINGS GROW without influencing them too much.

You also like BRIGHT COLORS, which is reflected in EVERYTHING. Your garden, your clothes and your hive. You think this might have something to do with the fact that you can STAND THE SEARING ALTERNIAN SUN. This is a trait unique to your JADE GREEN BLOOD, although what’s unique to you is that you ACTIVELY ENJOY the rays.

You are A BIT STRANGE, when it comes to trolls.

You DREAM of FLYING, and in YOUR DREAMS you CAN FLY. These dreams aren’t really normal either.

Your hive is place in the middle of THE DESERT. A desert that is, as it happens, SWARMING WITH UNDEAD.

You think that you could have chosen a better spot as a wriggler, maybe.

Your trolltag is allegianceTrustee and you lIKE tO bE vERY cLEAR, aBOUT wHAT yOU’RE sAYING, aND wHAT yOU mEAN, bY iT,

**Tavros: Look Outside**

You look out of the single window of your respiteblock, seeing a lot of sand beyond the circle of green and other colors that is your garden. In this garden is your lusus, a virgin mother grub.

She is looking up at you, her large, white form providing another contrast with her surroundings. She is already beginning to look tired and you would really like to make her last moments happy ones.

She smiles at you and floats up. There is really only one thing you can do now.

**Tavros: Ride**

You step out of your window and land on top of her and she continues her ascend.

YES.

HELL YES.

And then some words pop into your think pan that you really shouldn’t be thinking at all.

**Tavros: Watch**

You look out over the desert and its yellow sand dunes that hide the undead you sometimes have to defend your hive against. And you only defend, really. As long as they leave you and your friends alone, you’ll do the same to them. Your lance isn’t the most useful tool for the job, but you manage. It would be a bit dangerous to attack them, too.

Beyond that horizon are your friends and your enemies. Sea- and landdwellers alike. They fight each other for stupid reasons you don’t really understand. Sometimes you don’t even think you’re one of them at all.

All of them are so far away and you’ve really only ever met three other trolls. From what those three have told you, you’re really kind of glad about that.

Today that’s going to change, though. Today everything is going to change.

You notice you are descending.

**Tavros: Land Already**

Your lusus touches the ground with a soft thud and you jump off to hold her for those last few moments until her eyes close.

You can’t help crying a little, even though you knew it was coming and even though you’ve been told what’s going to happen soon.

Still, right now, you’re starting to doubt.

**Tavros: Make Sure**

You know exactly who you need to talk to about that.

\-- allegianceTrustee [AT] began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

AT: hELLO,  
AT: mY lUSUS jUST,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: dIED,  
AT: sHE’S dEAD }:(  
CA: and  
AT: i jUST wANTED tO mAKE sURE,  
AT: tHAT sHE iS gOING tO gET bETTER sOON,  
AT: tHAT iS sTILL a tHING,  
AT: tHAT iS hAPPENING?  
CA: y0u sh0uld kn0ww better than me  
CA: the cl0uds t0ld y0u  
AT: wELL, yES,  
AT: bUT,  
CA: but wwhat  
AT: wHAT iF tHE cLOUDS aRE wRONG?  
AT: aBOUT tHIS,  
CA: can they be wwr0ng  
CA: has that evver happened  
AT: i dON’T kNOW,  
AT: i dON’T tHINK tHEY hAVE,  
AT: eVER bEEN wRONG,  
AT: bUT jUST bECAUSE tHEY hAVE nEVER bEEN wRONG,  
AT: bEFORE,  
AT: dOESN’T mEAN tHEY cAN’T bE wRONG,  
AT: aT aLL,  
CA: the p0int 0f y0ur cl0uds is that they sh0ww y0u the future  
CA: they cant lie  
CA: its n0t in their nature  
CA: theyre vvery straight f0rwward and simple  
AT: bUT yOUR vOICES aREN’T,  
AT: rIGHT?  
CA: they guide me  
CA: they tell me wwhat t0 d0 and wwhen t0 d0 it  
CA: but they d0nt tell me wwhats happenin  
AT: sO,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: yOU dON’T rEALLY kNOW wHAT yOU’RE dOING?  
CA: i d0nt kn0ww the c0nsequences  
CA: but thats 0k  
CA: i d0nt havve t0  
CA: they kn0ww the c0nsequences  
AT: yOU dIDN’T tHINK lIKE tHIS,  
AT: bEFORE tHE,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: iNCIDENT,  
AT: wHY dID tHAT cHANGE,  
AT: aLL oF a sUDDEN,  
CA: things get a l0t clearer wwhen y0u die  
CA: y0ull see  
AT: tHAT aCTUALLY sOUND a bIT cREEPY,  
AT: a lOT cREEPY, rEALLY,  
CA: d0nt ww0rry ab0ut it  
CA: wwhatevver wwill happen wwill happen  
CA: ww0rryin ww0nt change anythin  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: cAN i aSK yOU a qUESTION,  
AT: tHOUGH?  
CA: wwhat is it  
AT: wHY cAN’T i tELL aNYONE,  
AT: tHAT yOU’RE sTILL aLIVE,  
AT: oR aROUND?  
AT: i tHINK a lOT oF oUR fRIENDS,  
AT: wOULD rEALLY lIKE tO hEAR fROM yOU,  
AT: aGAIN,  
CA: they d0nt want t00 many pe0ple t0 kn0ww  
CA: thats imp0rtant  
CA: n0b0dy can interfere with their plans  
CA: its bad en0ugh that y0u kn0ww i still exist  
CA: evven th0ugh it was m0stly inevvitable  
AT: yOU mEAN i wASN’T sUPPOSED tO kNOW,  
AT: aBOUT yOU?  
CA: n0  
AT: }:(  
AT: i’M sORRY,  
CA: d0nt  
CA: theres n0 p0int  
CA: that an0maly has already been dealt wwith  
CA: y0ure n0 l0nger a pr0blem  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: i tHINK tHAT, mAYBE, tHAT’S a gOOD tHING,  
AT: eVEN tHOUGH yOU jUST mADE iT sOUND lIKE iT wAS a bAD tHING,  
AT: aND bASICALLY aWFUL aND oMINOUS,  
AT: bUT i tHINK tHAT’S jUST hOW yOU tALK nOW,  
AT: sO tHAT’S oKAY,  
CA: y0u havve s0methin t0 d0  
AT: yES,  
AT: i sUPPOSE i wILL tALK tO yOU lATER,  
AT: iF yOU wANT tO,  
CA: yes

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] ceased trolling allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

AT: gOODBYE eRIDAN,  
AT: oH,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this took a really long time, and I do apologise for that.
> 
> I think I may have gone a bit overboard with Kanaya's characterisation, which makes me glad I introduced her as one of the last.
> 
> Anyway, that's ten out of twelve characters introduced.
> 
> Next chapter will be exciting.


	9. Gamzee: Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee sets his master plan in motion, but runs into an unexpected obstacle.

**Gamzee: Begin**

You're getting right on that, as it is. It's about damn time this plan of yours began hatching. You've been working on it for quite a while and you're quite proud of it. It's kind of ingenious.

You didn't exactly bother coming up with phases, though. You think that's pretty much pointless anyway, especially when you're the only one involved in its execution. If you had, however, this would probably be phase 2. It's not a very complicated plan, just an ingenious one.

Well, this doesn't have much to do with execution, you guess. That will have to wait until later.

For now, though, you're approaching a hive. It's a pretty extravagant sort of hive, you suppose. You never did much care for grandeur, and you're pretty sure that this is the height of it, because if it wasn't, its owner would've made it so.

It's despicable, that's what it is. Another sign of motherfuckin oppression and you're not going to stand for it. You're going to tear this thing apart piece by motherfuckin piece. Eventually. You need to focus. You're here for an entirely different reason.

You're here for a motherfuckin rescue mission and you're going to show those seadwelling motherfuckers that they ain't running the place anymore.

Which isn't to say you're not going to get your motherfuckin destroy on and enjoy it for a bit, of course.

**Peixes: --**

You're terribly sorry, Peixes isn't here right now. You think it's kind of cute anyone wants anything to do with her, though, but that doesn't mean you're going to give her body back yet. There are a few things you want to do with it first.

You think it's very much okay if this body is referred to by the name of its usual host, though. That only makes it more fun!

**Peixes: Enjoy Yourself**

There are just so many ways for you to do that. You could, for example, explore mistress' respiteblock again. There's always some interesting things to be found there.

Or maybe you could try getting into the weapons cabinet again. Although last time you tried that, you nearly lost your hands. That had been an exciting evening.

You could always just try out some new recipes with some of the rare ingredients mistress keeps stored for special occasions. You have to admit you're not a terribly good cook, though, but that's no reason not to have a go at it.

Or maybe you'll stick closer to home and keep it personal. Those grey clothes are so dull anyway and-

What's this? You recognize that sound. Someone's talking to her. To you. Whatever.

**Peixes: Answer**

What do you type like again? Oh, right.

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

TC: peixes.  
TC: feferi.  
TC: tell me you're motherfuckin present and accounted for, sis.  
CC: 1 think 1 am.  
CC: What's going on, Gamzee?  
TC: i have a motherfuckin present for you.  
TC: in fact, it's the finest present you'll have received in your entire motherfuckin life.  
TC: but before i go ahead and start dropping surprises on your motherfuckin head like it's twelfth perigrees eve, i need to ask you one motherfuckin question.  
CC: 1'm not sure if my mistress a11ows presents.  
CC: 1n fact, 1 don't even think 1'm a11owed to talk to you.  
TC: fuck that motherfuckin bitch.  
TC: i'm not going to be caught talking about her.  
TC: not any longer than i have to.  
TC: and the only time i have to be talking about her at all is in the question i'm about to motherfuckin ask you.  
TC: are you alone?  
CC: My mistress isn't here right now.  
CC: Why?  
CC: What’s going on?  
TC: just as the plan motherfuckin dictated.  
TC: the gift you're about to be all up and receiving is going to be freedom.  
TC: i'm getting you out of there, sis.  
TC: it's been way too motherfuckin long anyway.  
TC: can't possibly be healty for you to stick with a motherfucking seadweller for so long.  
TC: we need to breathe something other than motherfuckin salt to stay up and running.  
CC: 1 can’t 1eave!  
TC: why the motherfuck not?  
CC: My mistress wi11 ki11 me!  
TC: sis, making sure your mistress can’t be all up and threatening your life is pretty much the main motherfuckin point of this whole flawless motherfuckin plan.  
CC: She’11 come after me and then she’11 ki11 a11 of you, no matter what Equius says.  
CC: P1ease just 1eave me a1one.  
TC: THAT POISONOUS MOTHERFUCKIN EMPEROR DOESN’T DECIDE WHAT DOES AND DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME.  
TC: AND HE CAN SEND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF HIS MOTHERFUCKIN MINDSLAVES AFTER ME.  
TC: I’LL SLAUGHTER THEM ONE BY ONE AND BATHE IN THEIR MOTHERFUCKIN RAINBOWS OF BLOOD.  
CC: Do you think you can stop a11 of them?  
CC: Even Nepeta?  
TC: LEIJON’S JUST AN IRRELEVANT MOTHERFUCKIN OBSTACLE.  
TC: SHE’S SO FAR REMOVED FROM REAL POWER SHE CAN’T EVEN BREATHE WITHOUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER ZAHHAK TELLING HER.  
TC: AND SHE’D PROBABLY STOP IF HE MOTHERFUCKIN TOLD HER TO.  
TC: THAT’S JUST HOW ROTTEN HER MOTHERFUCKIN THINKPAN IS.  
TC: SHE WON’T EVEN GET IN MY WAY.  
CC: And what if she wi11?  
TC: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
TC: I’M GETTING YOU OUT OF THERE.

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] ceased trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

Oh.

Oh yes.

This night just got all kinds of fun.

You need to prepare yourself.

**Gamzee: Enter Hive**

Peixes was acting a bit weird, but you haven’t talked to her in a long time and you guess slavery changes a troll. Not a problem, though, there’s plenty of time to fix that later.

Your inside source was happy to provide you with the layout to this place and Feferi’s respiteblock should be on ground floor zero. Nevertheless, you keep an eye on your Strife Specibus, just in case. It wouldn’t do for someone to get the drop on you, now would it? That would fuck all kinds of shit up.

**Gamzee: Enter Respiteblock**

You have to take back what you said about grandeur after what you see here. At least grandeur is something. This block just looks so motherfuckin depressing. Grey walls, grey recuperacoon, grey motherfuckin computer.

It’s completely without identity. You like humility in moderation, and this isn’t motherfuckin it.

It’s also devoid of life, which is to say, there’s nobody else here.

That’s not good.

**Gamzee: Check Logs**

You check Feferi’s logs. Her last two conversations were with you and with… Nepeta Leijon.

That’s definitely not good.

**Gamzee: Equip Clubs**

As a precaution, you draw your clubs from your Strife deck. You don’t know what you’re going to end up facing now.

Your glorious mission isn’t over yet, though. You came here with a reason, and you’re not going to let one minor motherfuckin setback dissuade you.

There’s things to be done, here, and it’s about damn time you got to it.

**Gamzee: Search**

You slowly make your way upstairs. This place is a motherfuckin palace, but most of the blocks in it serve no goddamn purpose at all. It’s a motherfuckin waste.

Problem being, she could be in any one of those motherfuckin things, so you have to check them all. It’s motherfuckin tedious and the more time you spend on this shit, the more time she has to prepare, wherever the hell she is.

Fuck it.

**Gamzee: Get Up There**

You run upstairs, taking nothing but cursory glances into the blocks you pass. If she’s not in the biggest room, then you might as well have lost her already.

She is standing there, right in the open. She looks almost hollowed out, and her grey clothes ain’t exactly making her look any healthier. She’s also staring at you, a strange smile on her face, showing as many teeth as possible.

Her eyes are wide and frightened, though, and she’s still crying.

You are suddenly becoming really pissed off.

**Gamzee: Talk**

GAMZEE: YOU KNOW THIS AIN’T MOTHERFUCKIN COOL, SIS.  
GAMZEE: I AM STILL GOING TO GET HER OUT OF HERE, EVEN IF I HAVE TO MOTHERFUCKIN BEAT YOU OUT OF HER TO DO IT.  
GAMZEE: YOU GOT THAT, MOTHERFUCKER?  
FEFERI: ::::( youre going to take my toy away?  
FEFERI: ::::3 i dont think i can let you do that  
FEFERI: ::::3 i really like playing with her  
FEFERI: ::::3 and vriska is going to be really mad when i let her get away  
GAMZEE: DO I LOOK LIKE I MOTHERFUCKIN GIVE A SHIT HOW THAT SEADWELLING SHITSTAIN FEELS ABOUT THIS?  
GAMZEE: SHE’S NOT IMPORTANT.  
GAMZEE: YOU’RE NOT MOTHERFUCKIN IMPORTANT.  
GAMZEE: FEFERI’S THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING IMPORTANT PERSON RIGHT NOW, FOR ALL I MOTHERFUCKIN CARE.  
FEFERI: ::::3 hihi  
FEFERI: ::::3 did anyone ever tell you that youre adorable?  
FEFERI: ::::( it really is too bad that equius wont let me play with you  
FEFERI: ::::( we could have so much fun together!  
GAMZEE: THAT’S ENOUGH OF THIS MOTHERFUCKIN SMALL TALK, YOU LITTLE BITCH.  
GAMZEE: YOU’RE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKIN LET FEFERI GO RIGHT NOW,  
GAMZEE: OR ELSE I’LL COME FIND YOU, AND I’LL BEAT YOUR CUTE MOTHERFUCKIN LITTLE SKULL IN AND FEED YOU TO YOUR GODAWFUL EXCUSE FOR A LUSUS.  
GAMZEE: I HOPE SHE CHOKES ON YOU.  
FEFERI: >::::( don’t talk about my lusus like that!  
FEFERI: >::::( shes the best lusus on alternia  
FEFERI: ::::3 and when equius is done with you she gets to eat you too!  
GAMZEE: LET HER GO.  
FEFERI: ::::3 no  
FEFERI: ::::3 you go  
FEFERI: ::::3 i want you to leave right now  
GAMZEE: HA!  
GAMZEE: THAT AIN’T MOTHERFUCKIN HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON, PRINCESS.  
GAMZEE: I AIN’T LEAVING THIS HELLHOLE UNLESS IT’S WITH MY MAIN MOTHERFUCKIN SISTER HERE.  
FEFERI: >::::( i said LEAVE!

**Peixes: Pounce**

You don’t really have any weapons, since Vriska took them all away and even took your Strife Specibus, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.

You pounce at the mean interloper, but he’s faster than you, and you don’t even see him moving until something hits you very hard in the side.

That’s okay though, you don’t feel any pain. Only she does.

**Peixes: Attack**

You get up again. Gamzee’s breathing sounds really heavy now. He must be really angry!

You won’t let that stop you from doing even more, of course. You jump at him again, and he roars like you’ve never even heard before! Then his club hits your forehead and you fall down again, your vision a little bit blurry.

**Peixes: Get Up**

Before you can really do that, another hit connects with your body. His clubs strike you again and again.

And again.

And again.

You briefly notice that he actually made you bleed, which you think is funny because you didn’t think his clubs could do that.

That also makes you curious for his blood, but you would probably have had trouble making him bleed even with a weapon. He’s so fast!

Your body passes out, although you think he’s still beating you.

**Gamzee: Stop**

You stop.

Your clubs are dripping with brown and they really shouldn’t be, but you don’t really understand why.

You’re pretty sure you came here with a reason and that reason wasn’t this but your thoughts aren’t clear. There’s just so much energy, so much anger.

You were attacked, that means you had to defend yourself. And that means you have to take out the threat completely so it doesn’t get you back later.

But Feferi wasn’t a threat, right? She wasn’t.

But then why would you hit her? What are you doing here?

**Gamzee: Break**

You need to demolish something. You need to hit things and hear the satisfying sounds of destruction. The melody that runs through your veins. The music of pure anger.

There’s a lot of glass here. That’s good. Glass cracks. It breaks easily. All of it does. So does the wood, although wood splinters, rips rather than cracks. The sounds are different. Complimentary. 

There’s something else that catches your eye, though.

It’s an organ. Of course that pretentious bitch of a Serket has an organ.

She probably doesn’t even know how to play it properly.

Your club halts on its way to destroy it. 

There’s a better way to go about this, you think. A better way to channel this energy.

**Gamzee: Play**

You sit down and slam your fingers down on the keys. You play harsh, ominous chords, speeding up as you go along. The sound reverberates through the entire hive, making it sound like your music is coming straight from hell.

You build up to a powerful crescendo, letting the final note echo on for a while.

**Gamzee: Calm Down**

You’re… what were you doing?

You were here for Feferi, and then you...

And then you… almost beat her to death.

Fuck. That sort of thing really needs to stop happening.

**Gamzee: Leave**

You have to get out of here, before Serket returns. There’s no way Leijon didn’t already tell her about this.

That also means you have to leave Feferi behind. She’d slow you down too much and leave a pretty obvious trail.

You’re sorry, sis, but it looks like this motherfuckin rescue mission was a colossal motherfuckin failure. Her rescue’s going to come at a later date.

You need to split, and really chew out the one that told you that this was a good idea.

Motherfuckin subordinates, can’t count on them to do anything right.

You’re gone by the time anyone returns, to consciousness or otherwise.

You notice soon afterwards that someone has been trying to talk to you. Which doesn’t really surprise you at all.

**Gamzee: Answer**

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling technicallyColorblind [TC] \--

AC: ::::3 that was a lot of fun gamzee!  
AC: ::::( i really hope you didnt kill her though  
AC: ::::3 youre not more fun than she is  
AC: ::::3 youre really fast though!  
AC: ::::3 do you think you could teach me how to do that?  
AC: ::::( you probably dont want to though  
AC: ::::3 but i thought i should ask!  
AC: ::::3 did you know that youre really cool when youre angry?  
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK DO YOU WANT?  
AC: ::::3 i just wanted to talk  
AC: ::::3 and i think you should apologize  
TC: REALLY?  
TC: THAT’S JUST MOTHERFUCKIN PEACHES AND CREAM, LEIJON.  
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK SHOULD I BE APOLOGIZING TO YOUR INFECTIOUS LITTLE SELF FOR?  
AC: >::::( for what you said about my lusus  
AC: >::::( shes the nicest lusus ever and not awful at all  
AC: >::::( so i want you to take that back   
TC: AFTER YOU SYSTEMATICALLY TORTURED ONE OF MY CLOSEST MOTHERFUCKIN FRIENDS AND ALLIES FOR SEVERAL MOTHERFUCKIN MONTHS,  
TC: AND JUST FORCED MY TO NEARLY GODDAMN BEAT HER TO DEATH,  
TC: YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR ONE RETARDED LITTLE INSULT I MADE ABOUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN HORROR VILLAIN?  
AC: >::::( yes  
TC: WELL I DIDN’T MOTHERFUCKIN THINK SO, SISTER OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN SCOURGE.  
TC: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE HEARING ANY MOTHERFUCKIN APOLOGIES FROM ME.  
TC: THE ONLY THING YOU WILL BE GETTING TO HEAR FROM MY HUMBLE MOTHERFUCKIN SELF IS MY MIRTHFUL LAUGHTER AS I SMASH YOUR THINK PAN INTO TINY LITTLE BITS, YOU UNGODLY ABOMINATION OF A TROLL.  
AC: >::::( well  
AC: >::::( your lusus is just a big meanie  
AC: ::::3 bye gamzee!

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling technicallyColorblind [TC] \--

**Gamzee:--**

You are going to enjoy murdering that little spiderbitch. You’re going to motherfucking savor every motherfuckin second of it, and save all of it in your sweet motherfuckin think pan, so you can play it back whenever you’re feeling down.

That’s what’s going to happen to that creepy motherfuckin girl and you are going to make sure it comes to pass.

This is not hate. This is a troll stepping on a motherfuckin ant and rubbing his foot in it. That motherfucker of an emperor’s got no right to complain.

**End of Act 1**


	10. Equius: Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius gets brought up to speed by a friend.
> 
> \---
> 
> Vriska has two conversations and some business to attend to.

**Equius: Search**

As expected, you were unable to find Makara’s sign in the official hemo-records your ancestor carefully maintained.

Instead of wasting any more time on drudging through countless history books, you immediately went for the forbidden records, which your ancestor also conveniently left behind for you to find. You would have to thank him for that, before you killed him. It didn’t take you very long to find something useful after that.

As such, you are now reading the notes of a troll once known as Doomgaze, whose sign you did recognize, of course. The man’s life had been fairly dull, up until the point where he met the Ravisher. The Ravisher was, evidently, signless, which immediately sparked your interest. You haven’t skipped a page since you started, on the off chance that you would miss something noteworthy. It would a far less dreadful task, had Doomgaze not been such an awful writer.

You are interrupted by someone messaging you on your husktop. You sigh, mark the page and close the book. Your subordinates know better than to bother you with trivial matters, so you can safely assume this is something important.

**Equius: Answer**

She, specifically, is smart enough not to bother you unless it’s relevant.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] began trolling controllingTyrant [CT] \--

GA: Eqvivs.  
GA: There Has Been A Development.  
CT: 3---E What is it maryam?  
GA: There Has Been An Assavlt On The Hive Of My Matesprit.  
CT: 3---E The culprit being?  
GA: Need Yov Even Ask?  
GA: Gamzee Makara, Natvrally.  
CT: 3---E Y00 were correct.  
CT: 3---E That is a development.  
CT: 3---E This does l3---Eve me curios as to why y00 are telling me this and not vriska herself.  
GA: To Be Honest She Was Rather Irate When She Abandoned My Hive In Qvite A Hvrry.  
GA: I Am Assvming This Is Why She Has Failed To Contact Yov So Far.  
GA: She Will, No Dovbt, Rectify This Error In A Moment.  
CT: 3---E Vriska serket was at your hive when this event occurred.  
GA: Indeed She Was.  
GA: She Had Expressed An Interest In Visiting Me Tonight.  
GA: Was She Not Svpposed To?  
CT: 3---E That utter f001  
CT: 3---E She was aware of makara’s boast and she was the one that informed me he meant it as a distraction.  
CT: 3---E I had e%pected her to be wise enough to stay at her hive until we knew more.  
CT: 3---E Apparently that trust was misplaced.  
GA: I Sincerely Apologise.  
GA: I Wovld Not Have Agreed With This Visit, Had I Known.  
CT: 3---E Y00 are not to blame for this.  
CT: 3---E Now tell me what happened.  
CT: 3---E Do not e%clude any relevant details.  
GA: Very Well.  
GA: After Vriska Had Taken Her Leave For My Hive, Makara Contacted Peixes To Qvestion Her Then Cvrrent Company.  
GA: Which Is To Say, He Asked If She Had Any.  
GA: The Pvrpose Of His Raid Was, According To Him, To Free Her.  
GA: He Was, However, Vnaware That Leijon Was Momentarily Occvpying Her Body.  
GA: You Can Imagine That He Was Not Terribly Pleased With That Revelation.  
GA: In The Ensving Battle He Brvtally Beat Peixes Vnconsciovs, Forcing Leijon To Vacate The Body.  
GA: After This His Rampage Most Likely Tvrned Against Vriska’s Property, After Which He Left The Premises, Leaving The Object Of His Rescve Behind.  
GA: Leijon Soon Contacted Vs With This Information And As Vriska Rvshed Hivewards I Thovght It Wise To Inform Yov As Well.  
CT: 3---E That was a g00d thought.  
CT: 3---E I take it leijon was merely lucky, rather than being aware of makara’s intentions.  
GA: That Does Appear To Be The Case, Yes.  
CT: 3---E How very fortunate for us, then.  
CT: 3---E Vriska’s m00d has no doubt turned sour.  
GA: She Was Irate To The Point Of Incoherency When She Left So Yes.  
GA: Her Slave Will Most Likely Bear The Bvrden Of This Particvlar Mood.  
CT: 3---E If she inflicts even more damage to her property in her anger then that is her doing.  
CT: 3---E Until then i bel3---Eve the destruction so far will prove to be adequate punishment for her.  
CT: 3---E Aside from the fact that i will inform her of my disappointment, of course.  
GA: Natvrally.  
GA: I Will Tell Her To Contact Yov When I Next Speak With Her.  
CT: 3---E Very g00d.  
GA: Anything Else?  
CT: 3---E While y00 are here at any rate, give me a status report on vantas.  
GA: He Has Been Bvsy With A New Game, Apparently, Bvt Beyond This Vncharacteristic Bvrst Of Activity He Has Not Been Doing Anything Noteworthy.  
CT: 3---E Details on this game?  
GA: He Refvsed To Enlighten Me On Most Aspects.  
GA: Althovgh He Did Promise To Send Me A Copy.  
GA: It Is A Mvltiplayer Game, Apparently.  
CT: 3---E Makes one wonder who he intends to play it with.  
CT: 3---E K3---Ep me informed of any and all progress on this game.  
CT: 3---E And provide me with a copy once y00 have it.  
GA: I See.  
GA: Yov Think This Is Relevant As Well, Then?  
GA: Althovgh Relevant To What Remains To Be Seen.  
CT: 3---E It will no doubt cost me to discover how y00 came to this conclusion.  
GA: I May Be Willing To Trade It For What Lead Yov To A Similar One.  
CT: 3---E That sounds like an a%eptable e%change.  
CT: 3---E Y00 will go first, however.  
GA: That Is Hardly Svrprising.  
GA: Vantas Seemed Oddly Svre Abovt Himself When He Claimed He Wovld Finish This Project Tonight, Despite Only Jvst Having Started It.  
GA: I Fovnd It Reasonable To Assvme That He Was Not The Only One Involved In This Matter.  
GA: This Svspicion Was Fvrther Corroborated By An Ominovs Message I Received Shortly Afterwards.  
GA: When I Drew The Connection My Sovrce Became Flvstered, Leading Me To Conclvde That The Two Events Are Related.  
CT: 3---E What was this message?  
GA: Ovr Lvsii Will Die Today, According To This Prophecy.  
CT: 3---E I s3---E.  
CT: 3---E Thank y00.  
GA: Yovr Tvrn.  
CT: 3---E Y00 are no doubt aware of the rather fluctuating situation we find ourselves in.  
CT: 3---E Things are changing at a rapid rate.  
CT: 3---E Makara’s attack was a p3---Ek in activity.  
CT: 3---E I f3---Er this game may be another.  
CT: 3---E Your message is awfully similar to one i rec3---Eved.  
GA: She Has Spoken To Yov Again, Then?  
CT: 3---E N3---Ed i even ask what drove y00 to that conclusion?  
GA: Yov Are Not The Only One Who Recognises Patterns.  
GA: And I Fear My Sovrce May Be Correct.  
CT: 3---E She will die s00n.  
CT: 3---E An unfortunate development.  
CT: 3---E Has your source s3---En fit to inform y00 of a possibility to escape.  
GA: Not As Svch.  
CT: 3---E Which then l3---Eds us to one conclusion.  
GA: The Game.  
CT: 3---E Precisely.  
CT: 3---E Make sure all of us get a copy of that game.  
CT: 3---E That is an order.  
GA: Vnderstood.  
GA: I Will Carefvlly Monitor His Progress.  
GA: And Ensvre Yovr Intel On This Matter Will Be Vp To Date At All Times.  
CT: 3---E Glad to h3---Er it.  
CT: 3---E I bel3---Eve that concludes our formal business.  
GA: So It Does.  
GA: And While I Wovld Love To Continve This Conversation In A More Leisvrely Manner, I Do Have Matters To Attend To.  
CT: 3---E Likewise.  
CT: 3---E Do not let me k3---Ep y00, miss maryam.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling controllingTyrant [CT] \--

**Equius: Plan**

This changes your priorities somewhat. If this game is, indeed, a means of escape from the Vast Glub, you need to decide who you are going to save. Maryam will save herself, obviously, but the others will be less fortunate. Pyrope may receive a copy from Vantas, but you think you will make sure this is the case anyway. Leijon definitely just earned her position and you suppose that means Serket can come too.

You will not provide Captor with a copy yourself, of course. He has far too inflated sense of self-importance already without the Emperor saving his life. Should Maryam or Leijon want to provide him with a copy, however, you see no reason to object. Everyone else, you feel, may as well drop dead, although you doubt your side is the only one with access to this game.

If Makara also has a copy, then that means you have to keep a close eye on Peixes, considering he already tried to save her once. Once he has a copy, Nitram and Megido will have one too, and you can hardly stop Vantas from saving himself, unfortunately. This would have been the perfect opportunity to get rid of him, at least.

Nevertheless, it might be best to consult with your lusus again before continuing your research. She isn’t very talkative, but her whispers almost always aid you in one way or another.

**Equius: Exit**

You exit your library, surrounding yourself with water once again. There is always something particularly pleasant about being in water. Part of it is the fact that you’re a seadweller, of course, but another is the fact that you are a seadweller, and they are not. There are very few who can live here permanently, and you’re still somewhat disappointed in Serket that she chose to live above sea level.

You exit your hive and approach the giant form of your lusus: Gl’bgolyb, Emissary to the Horrorterrors.

**Equius: Consult**

It’s time you had another chat. However, Gl’bgolyb’s words are not for those of a weak mind, and we should probably go be someone else before we hear them.

**Vriska: --**

You are not in the mood for being ordered around at the moment. In fact, there are very few things you are in the mood for right now.

How dare he attack your hive like that! How dare he think he could possibly get away with destroying your property like it belonged to some filthy shitblood! Okay, there’s the fact that he did get away with it. For now. But you’re going to hunt him down and blow his fucking head off no matter what Equius says. Okay, that isn’t exactly true either, but you’re not going to be happy about it when he says you can’t.

You’d sit and be angry for a lot longer, but someone has been demanding your attention for a while now.

**Vriska: Answer**

And of course it’s her again. What’s her deal?

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] \--

GC: H#llO M1sS SouR Gr4P#s  
GC: 4R# yoU St1LL buSY?  
GC: >:?  
GC: th$T 1s OK4y  
GC: ! W1lL W41T  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: H3lP ! doNT knOW wh$T my HOrnS $re DO1nG  
AG: Uggggh.  
GC: Th3R# yoU $r3  
AG: Vhat do you vant?  
AG: Sssserioussssly, vhat could you possssibly vant from me right nov?  
GC: ! JusT W4nT#d tO KnoW  
GC: How YOu 4R#  
GC: b3C$us# ! 4m WOrr!#d  
AG: That issss ssssuch bullsssshit!  
AG: Tell me vhat you vant, Pyrope!  
AG: Tellllllll MEEEE!  
GC: >:?  
GC: 1 JUst TOld YOu  
GC: 1 $M coNC3rN#d  
GC: fOR yoUR w3LLb3!Ng  
GC: >:]  
AG: Don’t even try that cutessssy crap on me.  
AG: Vhat do you knov?  
AG: Hov do you knov there’ssss ssssomething going on?  
AG: Vhere you behind thissss?  
AG: Are you vorking for Makara nov?  
GC: 1 KNow $ Lot OF th!Ngs  
GC: D!d yOU knOW s3P!4 1S $ geNUs oF CutTL3f!Sh?  
GC: w#Ll 1T !s 4LSo 4 COloR  
GC: Do yOU knOW wh$T coLOr 1T !s?  
AG: Issss thissss going somevhere or are you jusssst being an idiot again?  
GC: 1T !s 4 D$rk BRowN Gr4Y  
AG: …  
AG: FUCK YOU!  
AG: VHO TOLD YOU!  
AG: HOV DO YOU KNOV VHAT HAPPENED TO ME!  
AG: TELL ME VHO TOLD YOU!  
GC: i wont  
AG: NO!  
AG: YOU DO NOT GET TO HIDE BEHIND THAT!  
GC: ! 4m NOt h!D1nG B3h!Nd 4NYth!Ng  
GC: 1 JUst H$v3 $ R34LLy gOOd fR!3nD  
AG: It hassss to be Makara.  
AG: It can’t be anyone elsssse!  
AG: I’m telling Equiussss right nov.  
GC: >:?  
GC: ! doNT t4LK to G$mz##  
GC: do YOu tH!nk H3 woULd t#Ll 4NYon#?  
AG: About hov he got hissss assss kicked by Nepeta?  
AG: I don’t knov, maybe?  
AG: He’ssss almosssst assss sssstupid assss you are.  
GC: H3 d!D Tr1Ck yOU  
GC: so ! Th1NK  
GC: th$T m4K#s yOU juST 4s STup!D 4s M#  
GC: >:]  
AG: You’re jusssst here to rub it in, aren’t you?  
GC: y3S!  
GC: Th4T !s 3X$ctLY 1t  
GC: YOu h$V3 d!ScoV#r3D My d#V1oUS pl$N  
GC: >:]  
AG: Ugggggh.  
AG: Jusssst leave me alone.  
AG: Thissss might ssssurprisssse you, but I really don’t vant to talk to you right nov.  
GC: buT ! 4m H#r3 TO m4K# yoU F33L B3tT#r  
AG: Alright Pyrope, make me feel better.  
AG: Let’ssss ssssee hov good you are at thissss.  
AG: Go ahead.  
AG: Give me your besssst sssshot.  
GC: 4R# yoU Ups#T?  
AG: Vhat do you think, geniussss?  
GC: yoU Sm3LL upS#t  
GC: 1 TH1nK You $R3 uPS3t  
AG: I’M NOT UPSSSSET!  
GC: oH  
AG: I AM GODDAMN PISSSSED OFF!  
AG: MY HIVE VASSSS ATTACKED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!  
GC: !s tH$t wH$t h$Pp3N#d?  
GC: 1 $M soRRy tO H34R Th4T  
AG: SSSSHUT UP!  
AG: JUSSSST LEAVE ME ALONE!  
GC: !s tH$t r#$llY  
GC: Wh4T You W$nt?  
GC: >:]  
AG: YESSSS!  
AG: YESSSS IT ISSSS!  
GC: >:[  
GC: OK4y  
GC: ! W1lL L34V# yoU B3  
GC: 4ND 1 w!Ll t$Lk tO You L$t3R  
GC: Wh3N You $R3 f##l1NG b3TT3r  
AG: No!  
AG: I don’t ever vant to talk to you again!  
AG: Vhy don’t you go copulate vith vantassss ssssome more?  
GC: COpuL$t3  
AG: Yessss, copulate!  
AG: Let’ssss not pretend for one fucking ssssecond that you’re not horribly flusssshed for him.  
AG: It’ssss embarassssing to be assssociated vith you.  
GC: WH4t DO3s COpuL$t3 M#4n?  
GC: !T sm#Lls FUnnY  
AG: Vhat?  
AG: Fuck no.  
AG: I am not telling you vhat that vord means, you freak.  
GC: CopUL4t#  
GC: CopUL4t#  
GC: >:[  
GC: NotH!ng CH4nG#d  
AG: That’ssss vhat you get vith eight letter vordssss in your sssstupid typing quirk.  
GC: cOPul$T3  
GC: n#V3r M!nd  
GC: COpuL$t3  
AG: Ugggggh.  
AG: Fuck you.  
AG: Sssserioussssly, jussst fuck you.  
GC: ! Th1NK th$T c4N B3  
GC: 4RR4nG#d  
GC: >:]  
AG: God fucking damnit, I have vay more important sssshit to do than lissssten to you for another five fucking minutessss.  
GC: oH  
GC: R1gHT  
GC: s4Y H1 tO F3f#R1 fOR m3  
AG: Hov about fuck no.

\-- aquaticGriefer [AG] ceased trolling gloweringColorist [GC] \--

Ugh. She is so awful to deal with. You can’t even tell when she’s legitimately clueless or just pretending to get on your nerves. You hate her so much.

And yes you hate her that way. Shut up.

Speaking of things you hate (although not in that way), there’s that shitblood you call a slave. That stupid little slave couldn’t even fight off one assailant, with or without help from your sister. And now your living block smells like shit, too. It’s going to take fucking weeks for her to get that smell out of your hive. She needs punishment.

**Vriska: Punish**

You know exactly how to do that.

You grab the rifle, his rifle, to add insult to injury, and head down to her respiteblock. You locked the door after you threw her in a little while ago.

When you open it, it takes you a little while to find her cowering in one of the corners, looking wide-eyed at the rifle you brought. You smile at her, a smile with no humor whatsoever and you take aim. She begins to beg, no longer crying because all her tears are already gone, but you ignore her.

**Vriska: Fire**

Tinkerbull’s charred body falls to the ground and your slave merely looks at it in shock. She doesn’t even move. You tell her she’s going to clean up the mess she made upstairs right now and she gets up, walking out of her respiteblock as if possessed, not offering any sort of resistance at all.

You smile. You’ve won this one.

**Vriska: Go Upstairs**

You suppose it’s time to see what kind of damage Makara did, precisely, and if he broke any of your legendary weapons. You can’t have that. You spent a lot of time and killed a lot of trolls to get all of those, and the strife specibi to go with them.

Fortunately, you take your Fluorite Octet with you wherever you go, and Ahab’s Crosshairs still worked, at least, but you’ll have to take a look at all the others to see if they still work.

Of course, this is exactly the time for people to start bothering you. 

It’s your Scourge Sister. You wanted to talk to her anyway.

**Vriska: Answer Sister**

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] \--

AC: ::::( *the cute little kitten approaches her sister carefully*  
AC: ::::( *"im sorry about the mess," she says*  
AC: ::::( *"are you still mad at me," she asks*  
AG: Vhy the fuck vould I be mad at you?  
AC: ::::( because i let gamzee get away!  
AC: ::::( *oops i mean she says that*  
AG: Vell, yeah, you could’ve done better, I guessss.  
AG: But at leasssst you did ssssomething.  
AG: Vhich issss more than I can ssssay for anyone elsssse.  
AC: ::::3 really?  
AC: ::::3 thank you very much vriska!  
AC: ::::3 im really sorry about playing with your toys  
AC: ::::3 i wont do it again i promise  
AG: Yeah you vill.  
AG: You ssssuck at keeping promissssessss.  
AC: ::::3 yup!  
AG: It’ssss okay though.  
AG: I sssshould thank you for your help.  
AG: Ssssoooo…  
AC: ::::3 ssssoooo?  
AG: I guessss you can play vith my toyssss vhen I’m gone.  
AC: ::::o really?  
AG: Yessss, really.  
AC: ::::o thank you so much vriska!  
AC: ::::o i promise i will try not to break anything!  
AG: There you go vith promissssing thingssss again.  
AC: ::::3 hehe  
AC: ::::3 oops  
AG: Jusssst sssstop talking about it before I change my mind again, got that?  
AC: ::::3 of course!  
AC: ::::3 are you going to talk to the emperor now?  
AG: Lucky guessss.  
AC: ::::3 always!  
AG: Anyvay, I don’t think I have very much to vorry about.  
AG: I am vay too important for him to cull me becausssse of ssssomething assss sssstupid assss thissss.  
AC: ::::3 say hi to him for me!

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] ceased trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] \--

You may as well stop delaying the inevitable and talk to Equius again.

You really hope he isn’t there right now.


	11. Begin Act 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat creates a friendship and then ruins one.
> 
> Gamzee realises he has made a mistake.

**Begin Act 2**

Your name is Karkat Vantas and, while you still very much despise yourself, your self-loathing is no longer the most important thing on your mind.

You are currently working on a game, by which you mean you’re about to finish it.

It was ludicrously easy, since Eridan had already provided you with the code. All you really have to do is copy and compile it. That’s probably a good thing, because you have no idea what any of this means, despite repeated attempts at changing that.

Nevertheless you keep at it, even with all those constant interruptions. Mostly by highbloods. So many highbloods. You still have no idea why you haven’t blocked half of them yet.

Probably because they’d fucking kill you if you did, you guess.

**Karkat: Be Interrupted**

It’s her again. Twice in one goddamn night. It must be your wriggling day or something.

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

GC: K$rkL#s  
GC: k$Rkl#S  
GC: h3Y K4rKL3s   
CG: LOOK WHO DECIDED 2 TALK 2 ME AGAIN.  
CG: APPARENTLY ONE THOU2AND WORD CONVER2ATION I2N’T ENOUGH KARKAT FOR HER.   
GC: !S 1t M#?   
CG: YE2 IT’2 YOU.   
GC: >:]   
CG: WHAT I2 IT?   
GC: wh$T 1s WH4t?   
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?   
GC: ! W4nT $ loT Of tH!ngS   
CG: ALRIGHT FINE.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU TALKING 2 ME?   
GC: B3c$Us3  
GC: ! L1k# T4lK!ng TO yoU   
CG: THANK2, I GUE22.  
CG: I’D LIKE 2 POINT OUT THAT THAT 2TILL EXPLAIN2 AB2OLUTELY NOTHING.   
GC: ! h3$Rd 4BOut SOm3TH1nG  
GC: Som#Th1NG yoU $r3 DO1nG  
GC: $nd ! ThoUGht !T w4S FunNY  
GC: b3C$us#  
GC: You N#v3R Do 4NYth!Ng  
GC: >:]   
CG: I’M GOING 2 IGNORE THE COMMENT ON MY ALLEGED LAZINE22 FOR THE PURPO2E OF MOVING THI2 HOLLOW 2HELL OF A CONVER2ATION ALONG.  
CG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?   
GC: yOU m1SS3d TH3 p#Rf3CT opPOrtUN1tY  
GC: To uS# th# WorD SloTH  
GC: >:[   
CG: FOCU2, TEREZI.  
CG: I’M 2ERIOU2LY THI2 CLO2E 2 LEAVING.  
CG: THI2 CLO2E.   
GC: w4!T  
GC: pl#$s3 DOnt GO  
GC: 1 w!Ll fOCus  
GC: ! $m nOW foCUs1NG   
CG: HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET 2 THE POINT ALREADY.   
GC: ok$Y  
GC: 1 h#$rd YOu 4R# m4K!ng $ G4m#  
GC: $nd ! WouLD l1K# to PL4y   
CG: 2URE.   
GC: >:o  
GC: R#4lLY?   
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I WA2 GOING 2 A2K YOU ANYWAY.   
GC: th$Nk yOU   
CG: YOU’RE WELCOME.   
GC: 1 pROm1S# to H$v3 $ Lot OF fuN  
GC: $lsO  
GC: ! h4V# 4 qU#st!On   
CG: THI2 I2 GOING 2 BE A WHOLE NEW, RIDICULOUS LEVEL OF RETARDED, I2N’T IT?   
GC: wH$t k!Nd oF G4m# !s 1T?   
CG: OKAY, THAT’2 A LOT LE22 IDIOTIC THAN I WA2 EXPECTING.   
GC: >:]   
CG: IT’2 AL2O PRETTY MUCH A 2ECRET AT THI2 POINT.   
GC: >:[   
CG: LET’2 NOT PRETEND YOU’VE NEVER KEPT ANY 2ECRET2 WHAT2OEVER FROM ME.  
CG: YOU’LL JU2T HAVE 2 WAIT AND 2EE.  
CG: OR HEAR.  
CG: OR 2MELL.  
CG: WHATEVER.   
GC: Ok4Y  
GC: ! w1LL b3 P$t1#Nt  
GC: wH#n c$N 1 3XP3cT  
GC: YouR M4sT#rp!#c3?   
CG: I´M ALMO2T DONE, ACTUALLY.  
CG: I´M WORKING ON THE FINI2HING TOUCHE2 RIGHT NOW.   
GC: OK4y  
GC: ! Gu3SS 1 w!Ll l#$v3 YOu 4LOn3  
GC: GOod LUck K$rk$T   
CG: THANK2.   
GC: >:]

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] ceased trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

**Karkat: Continue**

Huh.

That was a lot less hassle than you were expecting out of that.

Kind of weird. That could stand to happen more often, really.

Anyway, you guess it’s about damn time you finished this game, even though you really don’t feel like it. There are way too many things you don’t understand about what you’re doing, and it’s about damn time you started looking for answers.

You know exactly where to start.

**Karkat: Question**

\-- codingGenius [CG] began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

CG: ERIDAN?  
CG: ARE YOU 2TILL ALIVE?  
CG: LIKE, I2 YOU NOT BEING DEAD 2TILL A THING?  
CG: TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WA2N’T A GODDAMN DELU2ION.  
CG: BECAU2E I’D BE THE LAUGHING 2TOCK OF THE WHOLE EMPIRE.  
CG: I’D AL2O PROBABLY BE DEAD.  
CG: TELL ME I’M NOT TALKING TO GHO2T2 HERE, PLEA2E.   
CA: y0ure n0t talkin t0 gh0sts   
CG: JU2T ONE, RIGHT?   
CA: im n0t a gh0st   
CG: I WA2 MAKING A JOKE.   
CA: s0rry  
CA: wwhat d0 y0u wwant   
CG: I HAVE A QUE2TION.   
CA: i kn0ww   
CG: BY WHICH I MEAN THAT WHAT I WANT I2 AN AN2WER.   
CA: 0k   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?  
CG: I DON’T UNDER2TAND ANY OF THI2 CODE.  
CG: I’M PRETTY 2URE IT COMPILE2, A2 FAR A2 I CAN TELL.  
CG: I JU2T HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL ANY OF IT DOE2.  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE CREATOR’2 COMMENT2?   
CA: y0u d0nt havve t0 understand it  
CA: y0u just havve t0 c0de it   
CG: ERIDAN, I WANT 2 KNOW WHAT THI2 GODDAMN GAME DOE2.  
CG: I’M NOT FINI2HING IT UNTIL I KNOW WHAT THE HELL I’M WORKING ON.   
CA: i d0nt think y0ull like the answwer   
CG: I’M PRETTY 2URE I CAN 2TILL MAKE UP MY OWN MIND ON WHAT I LIKE IN AN AN2WER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.   
CA: 0k  
CA: i kn0ww y0u wwill n0t like the answwer   
CG: THI2 MIGHT 2TRIKE YOU A2 COMPLETELY INCOMPREHEN2IBLE, BUT THAT’2 EXACTLY WHY I’M A2KING.  
CG: NOW 2PILL IT.   
CA: it wwill destr0y the ww0rld   
CG: …  
CG: WOW.  
CG: OKAY, YEAH.  
CG: I DON’T LIKE THAT AN2WER.  
CG: IN FACT, THAT I2 PRETTY MUCH THE MO2T HORRENDOU2 AN2WER YOU COULD’VE GIVEN.  
CG: A2IDE FROM, YOU KNOW, THE DE2TRUCTION OF ALL REALITY IT2ELF.  
CG: THAT CAN’T PO22IBLY BE ALL IT DOE2.   
CA: it wwill als0 savve all th0se wwh0 play   
CG: 2O...  
CG: THAT PRETTY MUCH MEAN2 I’M CAU2ING THE APOCALYP2E.  
CG: WHILE AL2O GETTING 2 DECIDE WHO 2URVIVE2 IT?  
CG: I’M 2ORRY BUT I’M PRETTY 2URE LEAVING THAT RE2PON2IBILITY IN MY HAND2 I2 ONE OF THE WOR2T MI2TAKE2 MADE IN THE HI2TORY OF TROLLKIND.  
CG: IT’2 RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE HEMO2PECTRUM AND EVERYTHING I’VE EVER DONE.   
CA: n0  
CA: it has already been decided wwh0 wwill play   
CG: GREAT.  
CG: THAT 2OLVE2 ALL OF MY PROBLEM2 WITH THAT 2CENARIO.  
CG: JU2T ONE MINOR I22UE.  
CG: DO I GET 2 KNOW WHO THE2E LUCKY CHO2EN FEW ARE?   
CA: im sure y0ull be able t0 figure it 0ut  
CA: there wwill be twwelvve 0f us  
CA: y0u wwill ch00se a feww 0f us y0urself  
CA: like me and ter and kan  
CA: and wwe wwill ch00se sevveral 0thers and s0 0n   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK MAKE2 YOU THINK I FEEL LIKE 2AVING THE LIVE2 OF THO2E 2?   
CA: i d0nt think  
CA: i kn0ww   
CG: IF THE TWELVE YOU MEAN ARE THE WELVE I THINK YOU MEAN,   
CA: they are   
CG: THEN WHAT EXACTLY I2 MY MOTIVATION HERE?  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I PLAY ALONG WITH THI2 BULL2HIT 2CHEME?   
CA: its a chance t0 change   
CG: CHANGE WHAT?   
CA: evverythin  
CA: th0ugh maybe the m0st imp0rtant thin f0r y0u is that this is a chance at redempti0n   
CG: YOU HAVE GOT 2 BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE AB2OLUTE WOR2T PART ABOUT THAT CLICHE I2?  
CG: THE FACT THAT IT APPARENTLY WORK2.   
CA: i kn0ww   
CG: 2TOP 2AYING THAT.  
CG: THAT HA2 2 BE THE MO2T ANNOYINGLY 2MUG 2TATEMENT OUR LANGUAGE HA2 EVER PUKED OUT.  
CG: AND IF THERE EVER WA2 AN ATTITUDE THAT DOE2N’T 2UIT YOU, IT WOULD BE 2MUG.  
CG: YOU COULD 2TAND 2 BE EITHER LE22 IMPO22IBLY OMNI2CIENT OR LE22 INFURIATINGLY VAGUE.  
CG: PREFERABLY BOTH.   
CA: im s0rry f0r makin y0u mad   
CG: NO YOU’RE NOT.  
CG: YOU’RE JU2T 2AYING THAT 2 2HUT ME UP.   
CA: i wwant t0 be s0rry  
CA: i wwant t0 say y0ure wwr0ng  
CA: but i cant  
CA: i did wwhat i came here f0r  
CA: bye kar   
CG: ERIDAN, WAIT.

\-- causalAnomaly [CA] ceased trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

CG: I’M 2ORRY.

**Karkat: Apologise**

That’s not going to work, he’s gone already.

God damnit. Why did you have to fuck everything up again? Great going Karkat, just go ahead and shit on the guy that reached out to you.

Something which he really didn’t have to do, mind you. You’re pretty sure he could’ve chosen any schmuck to do this for him, but he still asked you to do it.

Although they probably wouldn’t have been as fast as you.

Or maybe this is all predestined bullshit, like he’s making it out to be, and you have no idea what the hell that means for you in the grand scheme of things.

Probably still that you’re a shitty friend.

**Karkat: Finish**

Oh well, you’re wasting time with all this depressing self-reflection.

You’re going to finish this game, and you’re going to distribute it, and you’re going to destroy the world.

This is easily going to be the best night of your life.

**Gamzee: Pause**

You need to take a breath. A long one.

You haven’t stopped moving ever since you left Serket’s hive, without any real purpose of destination.

This isn’t helping. You’re angry as all hell, you’re just not sure at what.

That’s bullshit, a part of you says, you know exactly what, or who, you’re angry at. You just can’t let yourself realise that.

You need something else. You need to talk to the one who put you up to this.

**Gamzee: Contact Subordinate**

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] began trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA] \--

TC: aradia.   
AA: h3y gamz33  
AA: whats up?   
TC: we need to talk   
AA: okay  
AA: what do w3 n33d to talk about?   
TC: i would like to talk about feferi.  
TC: AND HOW YOU MOTHERFUCKIN LIED TO ME.   
AA: what?   
TC: YOU MOTHERFUCKIN TOLD ME I COULD GET ALL UP TO SAVING HER YOU BITCH.  
TC: AND INSTEAD I FIND THE MOTHERFUCKIN SPIDERTROLL CRAWLING IN HER MOTHERFUCKIN THINK PAN AND I ALMOST BEAT HER TO MOTHERFUCKIN DEATH.   
AA: oh no...   
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK WERE YOU THINKING?  
TC: DID YOU GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THOUGHT UP ON WHAT WAS GOING TO END UP OCCURING WHEN I MOTHERFUCKIN FOUND OUT?  
TC: WHAT DID THAT MOTHERFUCKIN SEA MONSTER OFFER YOU?   
AA: what?  
AA: 3quius n3v3r off3r3d m3 anything!  
AA: i hav3 n3v3r 3v3n talk3d to him!   
TC: I CAN’T MOTHERFUCKIN BELIEVE I EVER PUT MY MOTHERFUCKIN TRUST IN YOU.   
AA: :((  
AA: gamz33 your3 not making any s3ns3  
AA: pl33s3 t3ll m3 what happ3n3d  
AA: what did you do to f3f3ri?   
TC: THAT MOTHERFUCKIN BITCH OF A LEIJON HAD HER WHEN I MOTHERFUCKIN GOT THERE.   
AA: thats awful  
AA: but  
AA: and pl33s3 dont y3ll at m3  
AA: why w3r3 you th3r3?   
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
TC: I WAS THERE TO MOTHERFUCKIN SAVE HER YOU MOTHERFUCKIN BITCH.  
TC: LIKE YOU MOTHERFUCKIN TOLD ME TO.  
TC: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GODDAMN GROUND.   
AA: oh...  
AA: oh no  
AA: :((  
AA: im so sorry gamz33  
AA: thats not what i m3ant at all   
TC: THEN WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK WAS IT THAT YOU WERE MEANING?   
AA: i told you that tonight would bring opportunit33s for all of us  
AA: you w3r3nt suppos3d to sav3 h3r y3t  
AA: you would hav3 th3 opportunity lat3r  
AA: im so sorry  
AA: i should hav3 b33n mor3 cl33r   
TC: MOTHERFUCK.  
TC: it looks like i done made a pretty big motherfuckin mistake.   
AA: is f3f3ri okay?   
TC: i don’t think she motherfuckin is, sis.  
TC: i wasn’t very motherfuckin kind to her.   
AA: :((  
AA: pl33s3 t3ll m3 sh3s aliv3 at l33st   
TC: yeah.  
TC: i managed to all up and stop myself from going that motherfuckin far.  
TC: that’s about all the motherfuckin good i ended up getting done over there.   
AA: ar3 you alright?   
TC: i’m going to motherfuckin kill them, sis.  
TC: leijon and serket and all them motherfuckers.  
TC: i’m going to bash their atrocious motherfuckin skulls in.  
TC: and i don’t give a shit what color their motherfuckin blood is.  
TC: THEY’LL MOTHERFUCKIN BLEED TO DEATH LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.   
AA: pl33s3 dont do anything rash  
AA: 3v3rything will start soon 3nough   
TC: so you’ve finally finished that great motherfuckin plan of yours?   
AA: w3ll iv3 had a littl3 h3lp  
AA: but im not allow3d to talk about that   
TC: who’s disallowing you to do anything?   
AA: a myst3rious fri3nd of min3 who ask3d m3 not to t3ll anyon3 anything about that myst3rious fri3nd  
AA: dont worry  
AA: this fri3nd is not an 3n3my of yours   
TC: he’s on our side?   
AA: w3ll  
AA: im not sur3 if sid3s ar3 applicabl3 in this cas3  
AA: but this would n3v3r hav3 work3d without him  
AA: so trust m3 to trust him okay?   
TC: fine.  
TC: i’m sorry i yelled at you.   
AA: its okay  
AA: i und3rstand how you f33l  
AA: nobody wants f3f3ri saf3 mor3 than i do   
TC: we’ll get her out of ther ugly motherfuckin claws soon enough.  
TC: what do i have to do?   
AA: go back to your hiv3  
AA: youll g3t 3v3rything you n33d onc3 your3 th3r3   
TC: pretty sure that waterbreathing loudmouth still has that place locked up tight.   
AA: ill h3lp you tim3 your arrival  
AA: youll b3 abl3 to b33t som3 s3ns3 into th3 guards  
AA: and youll 3v3n g3t to s33 your lusus again!   
TC: if he’s still alive.  
TC: and he had motherfuckin better be in an alive state of being.  
TC: OR ELSE I WILL DESECRATE THEIR MOTHERFUCKIN CORPSES IN THE HOLIEST OF MOTHERFUCKIN WAYS.   
AA: hav3 you talk3d to tavros y3t?  
AA: im sorry if this sounds rud3 but i think you could us3 your moirail right about now   
TC: that probably ain’t such a bad motherfuckin idea.  
TC: my head hurts like all kinds of hell.  
TC: don’t worry about me though, sis, i won’t be making any more of a motherfuckin mess of things.   
AA: im r33lly glad to h33r that  
AA: just  
AA: tak3 it 33sy okay?  
AA: i dont want to los3 anoth3r fri3nd   
TC: yeah.  
TC: thanks aradia.   
AA: your3 w3lcom3  
AA: i hop3 youll f33l b3tt3r soon   
TC: what the motherfuck have you been up to, by the way?   
AA: oh  
AA: uh  
AA: i had to cl33r my h3ad a littl3 bit so i took a walk  
AA: r33lly it was nothing sp3cial   
TC: that’s motherfuckin chill, sis.  
TC: sorry to go all up and wreck that state of motherfuckin mind with my tantrum.  
TC: i’ll leave you to whatever the motherfuck it is that you do in that motherfucking lush forest of yours.   
AA: thank you!  
AA: i hop3 you f33l b3tt3r soon!

\-- technicallyColorblind [TC] ceased trolling adventureArchaeologist [AA] \--

**Gamzee: Relax**

That sounds like a brilliant motherfuckin idea. You need some time to motherfuckin chill.

You’re still feeling that urge to beat the holiest of motherfuckin shits out of everything around you, but you think you can control yourself for a little while.

There will be plenty of time to unleash yourself later.


	12. Be the Strange Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA and you are VERY MYSTERIOUS.
> 
> \---
> 
> Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are KIND OF WEIRD.

**Be the Strange Girl**

no

**Be the Strange Guy**

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA and you are VERY MYSTERIOUS.

You are currently NOT QUITE DEAD and you have been that way for QUITE SOME TIME.

Once, before you found yourself in your CURRENT STATE OF BEING, you had a NUMBER OF INTERESTS, one of which was RECENT HISTORY.

Oddly enough, this led you to making A FEW FRIENDS, which, in turn, got you INVOLVED IN GLOBAL AFFAIRS. This was, as it happened, EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANTED TO BE.

Until THE EVENT, that is.

Now you don’t want much of anything, you just DO AS THE VOICES TELL YOU.

Your trolltag is causalAnomaly and y0ur vv0ice tends t0 s0und vvery depressin

What will you do?

**Eridan: Do Something Odd**

You are always doing something odd, even if that odd thing is nothing other than existing.

To be fair, though, you are doing something especially odd right now.

The reveal of what that odd thing is, however, will have to wait a little while, because someone apparently wants to talk to you for reasons that are already obvious to you. You suppose you’ll indulge in the conversation for her sake, though.

If you had a choice, that is.

**Eridan: Answer**

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA] began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

AA: 3ridan?  
AA: pl33s3 t3ll m3 your3 th3r3  
AA: som3thing has gon3 v3ry wrong   
CA: n0 there hasnt   
AA: actually two things hav3  
AA: what?  
AA: i hav3nt 3v3n told you what thos3 things ar3 y3t!   
CA: y0u d0nt havve t0   
AA: pl33s3 stop that?  
AA: i n33d to t3ll you a f3w things   
CA: wwhy  
CA: y0u ww0nt tell me anythin neww   
AA: y3s  
AA: w3ll  
AA: mayb3 th3 purpos3 of this conv3rsation isnt to giv3 you n3w information   
CA: 0kay  
CA: wwhats wwr0ng   
AA: i think w3 might hav3 miss3d som3thing  
AA: i w3nt to visit th3 ruins again  
AA: and th3yv3 b33n vandalis3d!  
AA: a hug3 chunck of it is missing  
AA: i think th3r3s som3thing som3on3 do3snt want us to know about  
AA: what if this gam3 do3st do what w3 think it do3s?   
CA: yes  
CA: that wwas a c0nfirmati0n meant t0 urge y0u t0 c0ntinue y0ur hyp0thetical scenari0   
AA: w3d b3 d3stroying th3 world for nothing!   
CA: n0  
CA: wwe ww0uld be destr0yin the ww0rld and 0ur species f0r n0thin  
CA: but that is n0t true  
CA: wwe are n0t wwr0ng   
AA: how do you know that?  
AA: no wait  
AA: dont 3v3n answ3r that  
AA: i alr3ady know what your3 going to say and itll only b3 r33lly frustrating to m3   
CA: wwhat wwas the 0ther thin   
AA: what?   
CA: y0u said there wwere tww0 thins that wwere wwr0ng  
CA: wwhat wwas the 0ther thin   
AA: oh  
AA: um...  
AA: gamz33 talk3d to m3  
AA: and h3  
AA: h3 misund3rstood som3thing i told him  
AA: and  
AA: w3ll  
AA: h3 did som3thing t3rribl3   
CA: wwhat did he d0   
AA: h3 hurt f3f3ri  
AA: r33lly badly  
AA: and its my fault and im so sorry  
AA: 3ridan?  
AA: :((  
AA: ar3 you still th3r3?   
CA: i am here  
CA: i am 0kay  
CA: i kneww that ww0uld happen  
CA: it wwas supp0sed t0 happen  
CA: evverythin is as it sh0uld be   
AA: pl33s3 dont say that  
AA: i mad3 a t3rribl3 mistak3  
AA: and i r3fus3 to liv3 in a r3ality wh3r3 i was suppos3d to mak3 it   
CA: y0u wwere th0ugh  
CA: it wwas imp0rtant   
AA: for what?   
CA: that d0esnt matter   
AA: y3s it do3s!  
AA: you know it do3s!  
AA: f3f3ri do3snt d3s3rv3 to g3t hurt any mor3  
AA: for any r33son  
AA: so i r33lly hop3 its at l33st a good on3  
AA: w3ll?   
CA: i d0nt kn0ww  
CA: they didnt tell me   
AA: th3n ask th3m!   
CA: i am n0t in a p0siti0n t0 ask questi0ns   
AA: X((  
AA: that is such hoofb33stshit!  
AA: this should b3 th3 on3 qu3stion you should ask!  
AA: why did f3f3ri hav3 to g3t hurt?   
CA: i th0ught y0u ww0uld be glad y0u arent actually t0 blame   
AA: but i am to blam3!  
AA: i dont b3l33v3 in your pr3d3stination nons3ns3   
CA: then wwhy are y0u angry at me   
AA: b3caus3 you  
AA: …  
AA: im sorry 3ridan  
AA: your3 right  
AA: its unfair to blam3 you for this  
AA: i just r33lly n33d to talk to som3on3 and your3 th3 only on3 that i thought could und3rstand   
CA: im n0t  
CA: i d0nt mean that i d0nt understand  
CA: i mean that there is s0me0ne else  
CA: and hes better suited t0 c0mf0rtin y0u  
CA: i guess   
AA: do you m33n tavros?   
CA: yes  
CA: him   
AA: i suppos3  
AA: i dont r33lly want to both3r him with this  
AA: i dont know how much h3 alr3ady knows and i dont want to worry him  
AA: and h3 alr3ady has his hands full with gamz33  
AA: im sorry for g3tting mad at you  
AA: i know you cant h3lp it  
AA: mayb3 you can giv3 m3 som3 advic3 on what to do inst3ad   
CA: wwhat wwere y0u plannin   
AA: i was going to go back to th3 ruins to find out what happ3n3d   
CA: 0kay  
CA: y0u sh0uld g0 d0 that   
AA: why?   
CA: y0u wwill d0 s0methin vvery imp0rtant  
CA: i cant tell y0u wwhat  
CA: because y0u wwill n0t g0 if i d0   
AA: that sounds slightly worrying  
AA: and by slightly i m33n v3ry  
AA: but it also sounds v3ry 3xciting  
AA: will i b3 alright?   
CA: yes   
AA: :))   
CA: evverythin wwill be fine   
AA: what ar3 you doing?   
CA: im preparin  
CA: i still havve s0me ww0rk t0 d0  
CA: just like evvery0ne else   
AA: i gu3ss ill l33v3 you to that th3n  
AA: good luck 3ridan   
CA: 0kay

\-- adventureArchaeologist [AA] ceased trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

**Eridan: Continue**

You do, in fact, have work to do. For one thing, you need to actually be present at your hive for all of this to start. Unfortunately, Equius is not an idiot, and he has the place under guard. Not for you, of course, because not even he knows that you are not, in fact, deceased. 

Instead, he reasoned (and you can say this with absolute certainty, given some of the things they told you) your hive could still function as a haven for the other rebels. He could have destroyed it, but you know he didn’t. There are a lot of things he didn’t do, which means you have to do some other things instead.

One of those things includes the murder of the guards. They cannot come with you and they will perish regardless, so you may as well get them out of the way.

It seems like your secret is becoming ridiculously well-known, though, since you have another unwelcome conversationalist contacting you.

**Eridan: Answer Strange Girl**

Even you do not know what her deal is. Even they don’t know what her deal is.

You think that might worry them a little.

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

GC: H#llO M1sT#r d$Rk cH#rrY  
GC: ! th!Nk tH$t d$Rk cH#rrY  
GC: !s 4 V#ry F!tt!Ng t$St3 FOr yOU  
GC: b3C$us# Of hOW myST3r!Ous YOu 4R#  
GC: d4RK 3qU$ls MYst#R1oUS 4nD Th4T !s 4 F$ct TH4t !S trU#  
GC: yoU DonT H4v# To pR#t3ND  
GC: th$T yoU $r3 ST1lL D34D  
GC: B3c$Us3  
GC: YOu c$Nt fOOl m#  
GC: >:]   
CA: wwhat d0 y0u wwant   
GC: H3 l!V3s!  
GC: TH1s !S so !Ncr#DulOUs   
CA: y0u mean incredible   
GC: 1 KNow #X4cTLy  
GC: wH$t 1 M#4nT   
CA: but it makes n0 sense  
CA: actually y0u talkin t0 me makes n0 sense   
GC: >:?  
GC: Why WOulDNt 1 B# t4LK1nG To yOU?   
CA: because y0ure supp0sed t0 think im dead   
GC: buT ! knOW yoUR3 nOT  
GC: so WHy wOUld ! Pr3T#nd   
CA: wwhat d0 y0u wwant   
GC: >:[  
GC: ! JusT W4nT#d tO T4lK  
GC: B3c$Us3 TH4t !S  
GC: wh$T p3OPl3 DO  
GC: 4nD W3 4R# boTH st!Ll p#Opl#  
GC: K1nD Of   
CA: h0ww d0 y0u kn0ww about me  
CA: y0u arent supp0sed t0 kn0ww ab0ut me   
GC: tH$t w!Ll h$V3 tO St4Y  
GC: My l!Ttl# S3cR#t  
GC: bUT 1 kNOw 4 LOt oF Th1NGs  
GC: 4BOut #V3rYTh1NG  
GC: l1K#  
GC: TH3y $R3 wROng $Nd tH#y dONt kNOw 1T Y3t   
CA: wwh0 are they   
GC: YOu kNOw wHO th#Y 4r#!  
GC: Th3Y $r3 YOur SOurC#s  
GC: tH# on#S yoU S3rV#  
GC: m1NDl3SSly  
GC: m!Ndl#SslY  
GC: M!ndL#ssLY  
GC: 4nD Th3Y $r3 WRonG  
GC: >:]   
CA: they are n0t   
GC: Y3s TH3y $R3  
GC: tH#y 4R# wrONg wROng WRonG WroNG  
GC: 1 sORt oF S4nG Th4T $nd !T w4S V3rY FunNY   
CA: they are n0t wwr0ng  
CA: they just d0nt tell me evverythin   
GC: 1s TH4t DOubT ! sm#Ll?   
CA: n0   
GC: liar  
GC: 1 KNow TH4t B#c4US3  
GC: 1 $Lso H$v3 $ SouRC3   
CA: and y0ure n0t g0in t0 tell me wwh0 it is   
GC: 4ND 1m NOt  
GC: oH   
CA: i kn0ww h0ww this game ww0rks   
GC: >:P  
GC: $nyW$y  
GC: 1 TH1nK You N#3d TO 4sK Mor# Qu3ST1oNS   
CA: like i havve been d0in just n0ww   
GC: y3S!  
GC: OnlY To p#Opl# Who W!ll $Nsw#R  
GC: 1 tH!nk YOu w!Ll f!Nd 1T  
GC: V3rY #nl!Ght#N1nG   
CA: wwhy   
GC: Ok4Y So 4PP4r#NtlY  
GC: You $R3 nOT sm$Rt 3NOugH  
GC: To uND3rST4nD Th1S   
CA: insultin me is n0t d0in y0u any fav0rs   
GC: ! 4m NOt 1NSulT!ng YOu  
GC: 1 $M st$T1nG F4cTS  
GC: 4nD OnlY F4cTS th$T 4r# Tru#   
CA: s0 its a fact that im stupid   
GC: Y3s  
GC: >:]  
GC: BUt 1 W!ll #Xpl$!n  
GC: b#C4uS#  
GC: 1 l!K3 yOU   
CA: thanks   
GC: yoU DonT KnoW #v3RYth!Ng   
CA: i kn0ww   
GC: 4ND yoU DonT KnoW $s mUCh  
GC: 4S You TH1nK You DO   
CA: thats really useful inf0rmati0n   
GC: juST k3#P 1t !N m1ND  
GC: 1t W!ll B# v3RY us#FulL L4t#R   
CA: anythin else   
GC: no TH4tS !t  
GC: >:]   
CA: bye   
GC: gOOdbY# m1ST3r D$rk CH3rRY

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] ceased trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

**Eridan: Go Home**

You sigh and put the strange girl out of your mind. You still have an important job to do.

You float on towards your hive, carrying a giant frog head along.

It’ll be a while, and we have someone else to meet.

**Be the Strange Girl**

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are KIND OF WEIRD.

Oh my God do you LOVE COLORS! You love colors SO MUCH, even more than you love SOUNDS and SMELLS.

You have a RATHER UNIQUE APPRECIATION for these senses, mainly due to your UNHEALTHY HABIT of CONSUMING SOPOR SLIME. This may or may not have CROSSED SOME WIRES in your think pan and, as a result, you have developed an extreme case of SYNESTHESIA.

You like DRAWING and SHARING YOUR MASTERPIECES. You are pretty sure you are starting a new ART MOVEMENT, although it’s kind of unfortunate you’re probably the ONLY ONE that can APPRECIATE IT.

Your hive is A BIT OF A MESS, although you don’t mind, because it SMELLS/LOOKS/SOUNDS DELICIOUS and your lusus never bothers you about it, mostly because he is NEVER AROUND.

He might have had a word or two with you about who you’re CONSORTING WITH, though, but you don’t mind. He’s a very funny guy and you like talking to him, even if he’s SOMEWHAT CREEPY.

Your other hobby happens to be FUCKING WITH PEOPLE, and others often have trouble telling whether YOU’RE SERIOUS OR NOT. That’s okay though, you have trouble with that, too.

Your trolltag is gloweringColorist and you talk in a way th$T 1s K!nd OF 4lL Ov3R Th3 PL4c#

You sometimes get REALLY ANGRY for SOME REASON OR ANOTHER.

**Terezi: Describe Respiteblock**

You’re not really sure whether that’s a good idea. There is a lot of stuff lying around. All the stuff, really, and we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the polysensory descriptions you would use anyway. Your respiteblock is the best respiteblock there is, there is just no contest.

Despite everything else, you can still smell the ocean outside, though, and you know today your lusus will pay you a visit. It will be his last visit ever, because after tonight, his role will change a little bit. The old goat will finally have to be around.

You know all of this, because he told you.

The ‘he’ you just meant was not the ‘he’ you were referring to in the previous paragraph, just to be clear.

In fact, this ‘he’ is contacting you now, just like he said he would. He’s really punctual.

**Terezi: Answer**

So today is finally the day you set everything in motion.   
GC: H3lLO m1ST3r JOllY J4wBR34K#r   
Of course nobody has done anything to change your mind.   
GC: nOP3  
GC: >:]  
GC: 3V#ryTH1nG !s sT!ll GO1nG  
GC: #x4CTly $S 1t SHouLD   
Your undying loyalty continues to warm my heart.  
If I had one, that is.   
GC: yoU $r3 SO w3!Rd   
From your perspective, yes.  
Although I generally don’t let my opinion of myself be influenced by lesser beings.  
Quaint as they may be.   
GC: 1 DOnt M!nd  
GC: B#1nG W31RD 1sNT 4 b$D th!Ng   
You really needn’t reassure me of anything, my dear.  
It’s not as if your particular value judgements have any meaning at any rate.   
GC: bUT  
GC: th#Y h4V# m3$N1nG To m#   
The word ‘quaint’ comes to mind yet again.   
GC: Qu4!Nt  
GC: >:?  
GC: wHY   
That’s nothing you need to concern yourself with.  
You do still have an important job to do.   
GC: y3S  
GC: ThoUGh 1 DOnt TH1nK  
GC: #v3RYon# KnoWS 4bOUt tH# g4M# y3T   
The important players do.  
Everyone else will fulfill their role in due time, my dearest.  
You really needn’t worry yourself with such petty concerns.  
Simply make sure you enjoy yourself.   
GC: >:o  
GC: ! g3T To 3NJoy MYs3LF?  
GC: 1 tHOugHT th!S g4M# w4S  
GC: S3r!Ous BUs1N#ss   
It is.  
But the two are certainly not mutually exclusive.  
As long as you remember which takes priority, that is.   
GC: ! W1lL   
I know.  
You are a very special young lady.   
GC: >:]   
I will be watching your progress with interest, of course.  
And adjust your course, should it be necessary.   
GC: W1lL !t b#?   
That is not a question you should be asking me.  
Perhaps you can answer it yourself?   
GC: Ok4Y  
GC: ! doNT th!Nk 1T W1lL B3   
Excellent.  
I will, however, give you some additional advice now.  
Do keep an eye on her.   
GC: wHO $R3 yOU t4LK1nG $boUT?   
You know exactly who I am talking about.   
GC: do !?   
Yes.   
GC: Oh  
GC: h#R  
GC: 1 dONt l!K3 h#R v3RY muCH  
GC: sh# Sc4R#s mY Fr1#Nds   
All the more reason to follow my advice, don’t you think?  
It wouldn’t do to have her ruin someone quite as delightful as you.   
GC: ! W1lL Sl3#P w1TH on# #y3 $Nd oN# #4r oP#n  
GC: >:]   
I would expect nothing less from you, my dear.  
I will leave you to your work.   
GC: oK$y  
GC: gOOdbY# m1ST3r JOllY J4wBR34K#r

**Terezi: Get to Work**

There is plenty of time for that! He’s just being overly dramatic, as usual. Especially with the whole white text thing. He likes to annoy people by making them highlight his text to be able to read it, but you don’t mind.

That’s because you don’t have to, you can read his text just fine. You don’t think he knows that, because he’s never dropped a hint about it to you. There aren’t many things he doesn’t know, and you’re really proud that you have one of those things.

You also have another thing he doesn’t know about, and you don’t think he’ll like it if he ever does find out, so you will keep it a secret.

**Be ‘Him’**

You can’t possibly be him, since he is quite occupied with being himself.

You’re not yet important enough to have him talk to you, either, but he leaves you with the vague hope that someday, that might change.


	13. Equius: Return to Hive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius moves a pawn and converses with the opposing king.
> 
> \---
> 
> Sollux is moved and informs himself of the other moves.
> 
> Also, chess references, they happen.

**Equius: Return to Hive**

Consulting with Gl’bgolyb has enlightened you in some respects. She reminded you of an old message she sent you. You weren’t sure what to make of it back then, but you understand it now. You will not be the first to play this game, and this new information may just have given you an advantage.

Not that you really need it, of course. You have been ruling a planet for a while now, after all. The scope of this game has also somewhat changed your priorities, and you need to relay your new orders immediately.

**Equius: Open Trollian**

You see that Vriska has attempted to contact you. Good. Her insincere apology can wait, however; her actions had other consequences you must attend to. An agent of yours needs to get started on a new mission.

**Equius: Contact Agent**

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

CT: 3---E Captor.  
CT: 3---E Report.  
TA: ye5 5ir,..,  
TA: my main 5u5pect right now i5 terezi,..,  
TA: if only becau5e 5he wa5 predictably weird and becau5e of how much 5he talk5 to vanta5.  
TA: i’’m pretty 5ure 5he’’5 doing 5omething you don’’t know about,..,  
TA: i ju5t don’’t have a clue what that thing i5,..,  
TA: 5o,, really,, there’’5 nothing new there,..,  
CT: 3---E Reports do usually contain news.  
TA: of cour5e 5ir,..,  
TA: there ju5t i5n’’t much to go on from dialogue alone,..,  
TA: i need to go out and check out their hive5 for my5elf,..,  
TA: which,, before you even go there,, i’’m planning right now,..,  
TA: i have a few name5 i want to check out that way,, but until i’’ve done 5o,, i’’m not going to ruin their reputation5,..,  
TA: i have to wait until daybreak anyway,, becau5e blueblood5 are notoriou5ly paranoid,..,  
CT: 3---E Y00 may remove leijon from your list of suspects, sh001d she still be on there.  
CT: 3---E Recent developments have quite conclusively cl3---Ered her name.  
TA: am i allowed to know what the5e development5 are,, 5ir?  
CT: 3---E Serkets hive was recently attacked by makara, while she was away.  
CT: 3---E Leijon t00k control of her slave to drive makara out.  
TA: it’’5 not my po5ition to que5tion you,, 5ir,, but are you 5ure that clear5 her name?  
CT: 3---E Letting makara escape with the slave w001d have been a far greater victory for the rebellion, and she w001d have lost nothing in the way of reputation in this case.  
CT: 3---E So yes, i am sure.  
CT: 3---E Thank y00 for your concern.  
TA: i’’m 5orry,, 5ir,..,  
TA: 5ceptici5m i5 what i am trained for,..,  
CT: 3---E As are several others who stand much closer to me.  
CT: 3---E Y00 w001d do well to remember your place.  
CT: 3---E Y00 sh001d consider yourself fortunate i am even sp3---Eking with y00 directly.  
TA: i do,, 5ir,..,  
TA: i apologize,..,  
TA: can i a5k another que5tion,, though?  
CT: 3---E That depends entirely on the question.  
TA: 5ince makara pretty much made hi5 move and failed with thi5 whole traitor ploy,, doe5 that mean it i5n’’t relevant anymore?  
TA: or not directly relevant,, i gue55?  
TA: and if that’’5 the ca5e,, you need me to do 5omething el5e,, in5tead,..,  
TA: 5o what do you need me for?  
CT: 3---E That is entirely accurate.  
CT: 3---E Those were, also, several questions.  
TA: heh,, 5orry,..,  
CT: 3---E I n3---Ed y00 to find aradia megido.  
CT: 3---E She has b3---En a thorn in our collective sides for long enough now, and it is time we t00k care of her.  
TA: that 5ound5 awe5ome,..,  
TA: i5 there anything el5e i need to know before i go?  
CT: 3---E Y00 intend to l3---Eve immediately?  
TA: well,, yeah,..,  
TA: i5n’’t thi5 kind of what i’’ve been preparing for all the5e perigree5?  
TA: a5 5oon a5 you 5aid go i would be gone,..,  
TA: 5eriou5ly,, ju5t give me the word,..,  
CT: 3---E And how will y00 be tracking her down?  
CT: 3---E After rep3---Eted failures in the past?  
TA: i’’ve been mapping the fore5t on my training 5e55ion5,..,  
TA: the place i5 huge, but i’’ve been able to count a lot of place5,, 5o i have a pretty good place to 5tart,..,  
TA: don’’t even worry about it,, 5ir,, i’’ve got thi5 covered,..,  
TA: you can count on me,..,  
TA: 5he won’’t even know what hit her,..,  
TA: quick que5tion,, do you want her dead or alive?  
CT: 3---E Alive, if r3---Esonably convenient.  
CT: 3---E Although if this proves to be t00 much of a hassle, I w001d rather have her dead than not have her at all.  
TA: under5tood,, 5ir,..,  
TA: i’’m on it,..,  
TA: anything el5e?  
CT: 3---E No.  
CT: 3---E Y00 may go.

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \-- 

He is far too clever for his own good sometimes. Even if he does not succeed in killing Megido, he may at least prevent her from joining the game. In doing so, he will also prevent himself from joining the game, but, quite frankly, you’re more than willing to exchange a pawn for a rook. You have other pieces to play with, after all. 

**Equius: Play**

You suppose you could get back to finding out what Makara’s blood color is, but you don’t think that’s all that relevant right now. 

What you really should do, however, is inform him of the moves you’ve made. 

Someone has to keep this kismesissitude alive, after all, and it may as well be you. 

**Equius: Contact Kismesis**

\--  controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling technicallyColorblind [TC] \-- 

CT: 3---E Your ploy app3---Ers to have failed.  
CT: 3---E Miserably, i might add.  
TC: you sure about that, motherfucker?  
TC: the way i see it, nothing’s been motherfuckin changed.  
TC: you didn’t win anything, you phallus-horned freak.  
TC: and i ain’t lost nothing but time.  
CT: 3---E Yet time is such a precious resource for y00.  
CT: 3---E And while your show of force was somewhat impressive.  
CT: 3---E We are both aware that this was a one time event.  
CT: 3---E So what y00 lost, my obsidian adversary, was opportunity.  
TC: nah, what i done motherfuckin lost was one opportunity.  
TC: there’s plenty of other motherfuckin fish in the deep blue motherrfuckin sea.  
TC: just waiting to get clubbed to death.  
TC: i’m just getting motherfuckin started, brother.  
TC: you better be preparing yourself for the loss of a lot of motherfuckin prawns.  
CT: 3---E Yes, i w001d imagine y00 n3---Ed to be at your hive for the next stage.  
CT: 3---E Such a shame.  
CT: 3---E I have some very g00d men stationed there.  
TC: what the motherfuck are you talking about?  
CT: 3---E That is a pointless question.  
CT: 3---E Given that y00 already know the answer.  
CT: 3---E Your next question will be equally pointless.  
TC: how the motherfuck do you know about that?  
CT: 3---E Given that y00 know i will not give the answer.  
CT: 3---E Case in point.  
TC: you’re sitting there being all motherfuckin proud and shit right about now.  
TC: so tell me, you smug son of a bitch.  
TC: why not save their pathetic motherfucking lives while you’re at it?  
CT: 3---E That sounds like a complaint.  
TC: i’m looking all kinds of forward to getting my motherfuckin slaughter on.  
TC: i’m just pointing out how embarrassingly motherfuckin stupid this is.  
CT: 3---E Saving them is impossible.  
CT: 3---E They will die regardless of whether or not y00 are the one to slay them.  
CT: 3---E I may as well let them delay y00.  
TC: yeah, i’m going to have to get up and call that complete motherfuckin bullshit.  
CT: 3---E Oh d3---Er.  
CT: 3---E Y00 do not actually know what is about to happen.  
CT: 3---E Y00 were right.  
CT: 3---E My reign over this world is about to end.  
CT: 3---E Along with the world itself.  
CT: 3---E Fortunately, however, i am not.  
TC: you are so motherfuckin full of shit it’s motherfuckin miraculous.  
TC: there ain’t no motherfuckin way you’re going to end up surviving end times.  
CT: 3---E Perhaps y00 sh001d ask megido.  
CT: 3---E She is more than aware of this.  
CT: 3---E I w001d, however, hurry up.  
CT: 3---E She may not last t00 long.  
TC: oh that’s motherfuckin rich.  
TC: you think captor can motherfuckin handle my righteous sister?  
TC: here’s something i think you need to start realising.  
TC: DON’T MOTHERFUCKIN UNDERESTIMATE US.  
TC: IT WON’T END WELL FOR YOU.  
TC: YOU WENT ALL UP AND GOT LUCKY ONCE TONIGHT.  
TC: THAT WON’T BE HAPPENING AGAIN.  
CT: 3---E It is amusing how much that applies to y00 as well.  
CT: 3---E Captor may not quite be on our level in combat capabilities, but megido’s skills are hardly impressive.  
TC: yeah, that’s obviously why you haven’t been able to lay a motherfuckin hand on her.  
TC: no way captor’s going to go in there and find her in one motherfuckin night.  
TC: pretty sure you just all up and signed his death warrant, though.  
TC: but i ain’t motherfuckin complaining.  
CT: 3---E It app3---Ers y00 think this bothers me.  
CT: 3---E How quaint.  
TC: yeah, one of these motherfuckin days all of them reserves are going to be running out.  
TC: and if what you’re saying is actually motherfuckin true, that day is right motherfuckin now.  
CT: 3---E Y00 m3---En as yours already have.  
TC: I DON’T WASTE MY MEN ON POINTLESS MOTHERFUCKIN ENDEAVORS.  
CT: 3---E so your tr00p management skills are actually terrible.  
CT: 3---E As opposed to simply callous.  
TC: AND YET I’VE STILL DONE MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERED MORE OF YOU.  
CT: 3---E In absolute terms, perhaps, but %ually y00 have barely managed to l3---Eve a dent in my painting.  
CT: 3---E Whereas i have utterly decimated y00.  
TC: IF YOU KEEP LOSING MORE MEN THAN YOU KILL, YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN GILLS RIPPED OFF.  
CT: 3---E Perhaps.  
CT: 3---E But not by y00.  
TC: FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKIN SOCIOPATH.  
CT: 3---E If this conversation is going to degenerate into name calling we may as well call it a night.  
CT: 3---E Your vain attempts at wit are far more amusing when they are not pilfered with petty insults.  
CT: 3---E Do let me know if y00 have recovered from your temper tantrum in time to experience the apocalypse.  
CT: 3---E G00dnight.

\-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling technicallyColorblind [TC] \-- 

**Equius: Smile**

You believe you certainly got the better of him in this encounter, but that is no reason to give such a pointless show of emotion. 

Well, maybe just a little. 

Still, he was right. The tide appears to be turning in his favor, even if he does not know it yet. This means you need to get involved a little bit more directly in regards to the subordinates you intend to take with you. 

And you think Vriska has waited long enough to beg. 

**Sollux: Prepare**

You’ve been prepared for this for a long time. You could have left within seconds after the Emperor told you to. Finally a chance to prove yourself, to test yourself against the rebels and do your part in restoring order on Alternia. 

You could have left within seconds, but your curiosity got the better of you. 

**Sollux: Enquire**

\--  targetAcquired [TA] began trolling arachnophileChipper [AC] \-- 

TA: *the awe5ome dragon roar5 before touching down next to hi5 companion*  
AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten looks up from cleaning her paws after her delicious meal*  
AC: ::::3 *she grins at the dragon and asks him how hes doing*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon grin5 back proudly and reveal5 that he ha5 been given a new a55ignment*  
AC: ::::o *the cute little kitten gasps in surprise*  
AC: ::::o *”Is it the one you were waiting for?” she asks*  
TA: *he nod5,, di5playing the order5 he ha5 been given*  
TA: *he i5 to 5cour the fore5t and hunt down the 5ingle rat remaining*  
TA: *it will be awe5ome*  
AC: ::::3 *”That sounds very exciting,” she says “I am very happy for you.”*  
AC: ::::( *”But,” she says looking a little bit sad “does that mean we won’t have any adventures together anymore?”*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon huff5,, a bit of 5moke coming out of his no5e in her direction*  
TA: *”it’’5 not like you haven’’t been having your own adventure5,,” he 5ay5*  
AC: >::::( *the cute little kitten narrows her eight eyes suspiciously*  
AC: >::::( *and also because of the smoke*  
AC: >::::( *”How do you know about that?” she asks*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon rai5e5 an eyebrow and point5 up,, 5aying:: “the big man told me,..,”*  
AC: ::::? (do dragons even have eyebrows?)  
TA: ((of cour5e they do,..,))  
AC: ::::o *”He told you about that?” she asks*  
TA: *”he did,,” he nod5*  
AC: ::::o *”That’s amazing!” she says*  
AC: ::::( *”He never tells me anything.”*  
TA: *”well,,” the dragon 5ay5,, grinning 5lyly,, “he didn’’t exactly tell me everything,..,”*  
AC: ::::3 *the kitten jumps up “I can tell you everything!” she says happily*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon make5 him5elf comfortable in preparation for the 5tory*  
AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten begins her story by talking about how she was having a lot of fun playing with one of her favorite toys*  
AC: ::::3 *then suddenly a huge crab monster showed up*  
AC: ::::3 *and it wasnt the cute kind of huge crab monster either*  
AC: ::::3 *it started making a huge fuzz because it was apparently really mad for some reason*  
AC: ::::3 *it almost broke the cute little kittens toy but she managed to chase it away heroically*  
AC: ::::3 *everyone was very proud of her for doing that and she was then allowed to play with her toy more often*  
AC: ::::3 *the end*  
TA: *that 5ounded awe5ome,, but it made the dragon wonder if hi5 friend had been hurt*  
AC: ::::o *of course not!*  
AC: ::::3 *no crab monster could ever hurt the cute little kitten no matter how huge*  
TA: *and the toy?*  
AC: ::::3 *the toy is being repaired by the cute little kittens sister and she will be ready to play with it again soon*  
AC: ::::? *although the kitten doesnt really understand why the dragon would be worried about that*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon wa5 ju5t curio5 and didn’’t want his friend to be 5tuck without anything to play with*  
AC: ::::3 *the cute little kitten is very happy the dragon is so concerned for her*  
AC: ::::3 *but he doesnt have to worry because she has plenty of toys to play with*  
TA: *the awe5ome dragon i5 glad to hear that*  
TA: *he then excu5e5 him5elf*  
TA: *after all,, he ha5 a mi55ion to get to*  
AC: ::::3 *the kitten nods in understanding and then waves him off*  
TA: ((bye nepeta,..,))  
AC: ::::3 (bye sollux)  
AC: ::::3 (good luck)

\-- targetAcquired [TA] ceased trolling arachnophileChipper [AC] \-- 

**Sollux: Think**

There is something seriously wrong with that girl. You understand not giving 5 shits about lowbloods is kind of the point of being a highblood, but the way she goes about it really rubs you the wrong way. 

Not that you’re about to tell her that, mind you. Her vouching for you is just about the only thing that really keeps you in the game, and you’re not about to ruin that over some moral matter. You’d also really like not getting killed. 

Although with the way the wind is blowing right now, you might actually become one of the Emperor’s finest, and wouldn’t that be convenient? 

You will have to complete this mission first, mind you. You can’t imagine it will be very difficult at all. You’ve practically got Megido in your talons already. 

**Sollux: Head Out**

You exit your illustrious treehive and venture off into the woods to start your search. your mental map of the forest guiding you while you review everything you know about your target. 

This is going to be a blast. 


	14. Karkat: Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat makes one of the most important decisions of his life.
> 
> \---
> 
> The slave waits for her Mistress to need her.

**Karkat: Complete**

With a few final keystrokes you finish the game that will bring about the apocalypse. Why does your life have to be this way?

The voices have been becoming louder for a while now. Clearer, too. You understand, now, that you’re responsible for almost all of those. Or going to be responsible for them, whatever.

You really should delete this file. It would be the right thing to do, wouldn’t it? Trolls might generally not be empathic, but committing genocide still makes you feel a little uneasy.

But then, there’s nothing you can do, is there? You can hear them all loud and clear. This is going to happen. All you have to do is send one file to three people and run it and everything will come crashing down around you.

You’re really not the right person for this job.

**Karkat: Send**

Would it be better if you didn’t? If you kept rotting away in your self-loathing until Equius decides you’re no longer useful and finally lets you die? And what about Feferi? Her life can’t possibly get any worse than this, can it? It can only last longer.

And if you do send it, the entire troll race will be obliterated, but you will get a chance at freedom, and so will she.

Yeah, you’re doing this for her, and maybe for Eridan too, although who knows what he gets out of this?

You’re definitely not doing it out of cowardice or selfishness, You’re also not doing this to get a chance at redemption, because, after this, how could you?

**Karkat: Nobody Cares**

Damn right nobody cares. What have those billions of trolls done for you anyway? You don’t give a shit about what happens to them, as long as they will finally shut the hell up and let you think in peace.

There is nothing in this world you care about that wouldn’t be coming along with you. You’re just imagining stupid excuses to not have to make an important decision, like a coward. 

Let’s get this over with.

**Karkat: Send Already**

\-- codingGenius [CG] began trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

CG: I’M DONE.  
CA: 0kay  
\-- codingGenius [CG] sent causalAnomaly [CA] file “SGRUB.~ATH” \--

\-- codingGenius [CG] ceased trolling causalAnomaly [CA] \--

\-- codingGenius [CG] began trolling gloweringColorist [GC] \--

CG: I’M DONE.  
GC: >:o  
GC: 4LR34DY?  
CG: DAMN RIGHT.  
\-- codingGenius [CG] sent gloweringColorist [GC] file “SGRUB.~ATH” \--  
GC: wh$Ts sGRub  
CG: IT’2 WHAT I CALLED THE GAME, OBVIOU2LY.  
GC: !T sm#Lls STup!D  
CG: OKAY LOOK.  
CG: I’LL FREELY ADMIT THAT THI2 I2N’T THE MO2T CREATIVE NAME I’VE COME UP WITH.  
GC: 4t $Ll  
CG: THANK YOU, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.  
CG: BUT I WA2 IN A HURRY AND THAT WA2 THE FIR2T THOUGHT THAT POPPED IN2 MY THINK PAN.  
CG: 2O 2HUT UP.

\-- codingGenius [CG] ceased trolling gloweringColorist [GC] \--

\-- codingGenius [CG] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

CG: I’M DONE.  
\-- codingGenius [CG] sent governingAristocrat [GA] file “SGRUB.~ATH” \--  
GA: I See Yov Were Not Merely Boasting Then.  
GA: I Am Impressed.  
CG: I TOLD YOU I’M A FUCKING GENIU2.  
CG: IT’2 RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.  
GA: Am I Free To Distribvte It To Other Potential Players?  
CG: I WONDER IF 2AYING NO WILL FUCK 2HIT UP.  
CG: THAT REALLY WOULD MAKE MY NIGHT.  
CG: BUT 2URE, PA22 IT AROUND.  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE GOING 2 ANYWAY, 2O WHAT DO I CARE?  
GA: I Am Afraid Yov Seem To Have Confvsed Me.  
CG: GOOD.

\-- codingGenius [CG] ceased trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

**Karkat: Relax**

You’re making all kinds of progress tonight. Life-changing decisions are happening and all that.

You sigh and lean back. It’s really out of your hands now. At least until one of them finishes downloading and you can start to play.

**Peixes: --**

Nobody by that name exists.

**Peixes: Stop Being Weird**

Nobody by that name exists.

**…**

**Slave: --**

Only the Mistress may give you orders.

**Slave: Follow Orders**

You are currently cleaning up Mistress’ respiteblock. There is a lot of dried up brown blood and glass everywhere. You have to be careful with the glass or otherwise there will be more brown blood and Mistress will be angry.

You do not want her to be angry. You want her to be happy.

She doesn’t seem to be happy right now. You think she is talking to her master and she is mashing her keyboard really hard.

**Slave: Go**

Mistress gets up angrily and yells at you to go to your respiteblock, even though you’re not finished cleaning up yet.

You haven’t cleaned your respiteblock yet, which means there is also still some brown here. You were told to clean your respiteblock after you finished with Mistress’, so you will sit here and wait for them.

Your husktop makes a noise. Maybe Mistress has orders for you.

**Slave: Answer**

It’s not Mistress, but you have not been ordered not to speak to anyone.

\-- allegianceTrustee [AT] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

AT: hELLO,  
AT: fEFERI,  
AT: i hEARD wHAT hAPPENED,  
AT: tO yOU,  
AT: aND i fEEL sO bAD,  
AT: aBOUT iT,  
AT: i sHOULD hAVE bEEN aBLE tO sTOP iT,  
AT: i tHINK,  
AT: bUT tHEY dIDN’T tELL mE,  
AT: tHE cLOUDS  
AT: aND i aM sORRY,  
AT: }:(   
CC: What do you want?   
AT: fEFERI?  
AT: aRE yOU oKAY?   
CC: P1ease do not ta1k to me.   
AT: wHY nOT?   
CC: 1 have nothing to say to you.  
CC: And Mistress wi11 not approve.   
AT: oH  
AT: }:(  
AT: iF i aM bOTHERING yOU i wILL lEAVE yOU aLONE  
AT: i jUST wANTED tO kNOW,  
AT: hOW yOU wERE dOING,   
CC: 1t doesn’t matter how 1’m doing.  
CC: Nobody important cares.   
AT: bUT,  
AT: i cARE,   
CC: Yes.  
CC: You do.   
AT: }:(

\-- cultureCultivated [CC] blocked allegianceTrustee [AT] \--

**Slave: Wait**

You really should have done that earlier. This makes it so much easier not to get involved with people that would make Mistress angry.

You have the feeling you were a little bit rude, but who cares if you’re rude to someone like that. They’re hardly important.

The next person contacting you is important, though.

**Slave: Answer Highblood**

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

GC: h#Llo M!ss SUlkY ChoCOl4T#  
GC: hoW $r3 YOu tON1gHT?  
CC: Okay.  
CC: 1 have not been forbidden from ta1king to you.  
CC: But 1 don’t think Mistress wi11 be very p1eased if 1 do.  
GC: 1 dO Not TH1nK  
GC: YouR M1sTR3sS C4r#S v3RY muCH  
GC: abOUt wH$t yOU th!Nk  
GC: 4ND 1 4M V3rY Sp3C!4l TO h3R  
GC: So 1 TH1nK  
GC: You SHouLD m4K# 4n #Xc3PT1oN  
GC: For L!ttL# olD M3  
GC: >:]  
CC: What do you want?  
CC: 1 am waiting for orders.  
GC: 1 W$nt TO knOW  
GC: hoW You $R3 dO!ng  
GC: B#c4US3  
GC: yOU 4r# V3rY CloS#  
GC: To mY Obs!D14N !nt#R3sT  
GC: Obs!D14N !nt#R3sT  
GC: >:[  
CC: ----Do you think 1 wi11 te11 you what Mistress is doing?  
GC: W1lL You  
CC: No.  
GC: >:[  
GC: BUt tH$t 1S Not  
GC: WHy 1 $M h3R#  
CC: Okay.  
GC: 4r#Nt yOU go!Ng tO $sk M#  
GC: whY ! 4m H#r3  
CC: Not rea11y  
CC: You’re going to te11 me anyway.  
GC: W#ll Y#s  
GC: bUT 1t !S 4 lOT moR# fuN !f yOU 4sK  
CC: Okay.  
GC: >:[  
GC: You $R3 nO Fun $T 4lL  
GC: ! 4m H#r3 TO g1V# yoU  
GC: $ g1FT  
GC: …  
GC: yoU $r3 NOt gO!ng TO 4sK M3  
GC: wH$t mY G1fT W1lL B3  
GC: 4R# yoU?  
CC: No.  
GC: >XP  
GC: BluH  
GC: Th4T !s mY Off!C14L St4NC3  
GC: oN Th1S !ssU#  
GC: buT You $R3 r!Ght  
GC: ! W1lL T3lL You $Nyw$Y  
CC: Okay.  
CC: Can 1 ask why?  
GC: noW Sh3 !S suDD3nLY cuR!ouS  
GC: Y3s YOu c$N 4sK  
GC: But ! W1lL Not $Nsw#R  
CC: 1s there a reason for that or do you just want to be vague for the sake of being vague?  
GC: y3S  
GC: !t 1S D3f!N1t#Ly oN# of THos# Th1NGs  
GC: >:]  
CC: What’s the gift?  
GC: y#S!  
GC: 1t !S th# G1fT Of g$M3  
GC: yOU w1LL 3nJOy 1T  
\-- gloweringColorist [GC] will send cultureCultivated [CC] file “SGRUB.~ATH” \--  
CC: 1 can´t down1oad it.  
GC: of COurS# noT S1lLY  
GC: 1 DOnt H$v3 !T y3T  
CC: Are you trying to make me angry?  
GC: $m !  
CC: Are you what?  
GC: M4k!Ng yOU 4nGRy  
CC: No.  
GC: oK$y  
CC: Was that a11?  
GC: 1 TH1nK So  
GC: oH W41T  
GC: !t w!Ll sT$rt DOwnLO4d!Ng 4S SooN $s 1 $M F1n!Sh3D  
CC: And then what?  
GC: Th3N You C$n sT$rt PL4y!Ng  
GC: tH# moST 1mPOrt$Nt g$M3  
GC: oF Our G#n3R$t1ON  
CC: Wi11 Mistress be p1aying?  
GC: y3S  
CC: Oh.  
GC: Do3S Th4T BotH#r yOU  
CC: No.  
GC: >:?  
CC: What?  
GC: noTH1nG  
GC: >;]  
CC: Was that a11?  
CC: 1’m sure Mistress wi11 need me soon.  
GC: Y3s TH4t W$s 4LL  
GC: 1 w!Ll gO Now  
GC: GOod LUck

\-- gloweringColorist [GC] began trolling cultureCultivated [CC] \--

What just happened? You now have a file waiting for download and you have no idea what it does. Were you even supposed to say all of that? Does it matter? You’re confused and your head hurts a little.

You’re almost relieved when Mistress calls on you.

**Terezi: Run**

There is a program, saved on a server, floating somewhere in the Furthest Ring, that he showed you. He suggested you download it, because he rarely ever outright tells you to do anything, and run it when the time was right. You think you know what it does. You also think he knows that.

If your suspicion is correct, it is a virus that will have some very serious effects throughout paradox space. It is a nasty little thing, that no sensible person should ever have anything to do with.

You run it.

Nobody ever told you you had to be sensible, after all, and the time seemed to be right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry these chapters keep taking so long.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy it.


	15. Kanaya: Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya runs into some unexpected trouble.
> 
> \---
> 
> Nepeta hears some strange noises.

**Kanaya: Hide**

You’ve taken refuge in your fashion workshop and successfully barricaded the door with everything non-essential you could find. Surprisingly, this still means nothing’s going to get through any time soon.

Finally you’ve got some time to breathe and think. You let yourself slump down for a moment. Nobody around to see you keep your composure here anyway. You need to figure out who to contact. Vriska has seen enough stress for today and you’re only going to let Equius know what happened as a last resort. There’s no way he won’t strip you of your position and you cannot have that.

What then? Figure out who’s responsible? That should work. But there’s very little you can do on your own in your current situation. As much as you loathe to admit it, you’re going to need help. Terezi, as much as you enjoy regular conversations with her, she’s not likely to be much of a help here and Nepeta is far too much Equius’ lapdog. Or lapcat. Or lapspider. That leaves you with mister Captor. Not a bad choice.

**Kanaya: Make Good Choice**

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] began trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

GA: Greetings, Mister Captor.  
GA: I Mvst Collect One Of The Favovrs Yov Owe Me.  
GA: I Need Something Taken Care Of.  
GA: Discreetly, Of Covrse, Althovgh Yov Most Likely Already Figvred That Ovt.  
GA: Vnder Svch Circvmstances Yov Were Natvrally My First Choice.  
GA: I Wovld Appreciate A Swift Response, As It Is Not Polite To Keep A Lady Waiting.  
GA: Oh Dear.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] \--

Well, it seems mister Captor is currently unavailable.

Shit.

There are plenty of people who owe you favours, of course, but none of them have the skills or the proximity required to help you.

Well, there is one.

**Kanaya: Contact The One**

You’re not really sure if you should. Of course, he is the only one with the skills that could get you out of this calamity, but, at the same time, he is equally likely to be the one responsible in the first place, for essentially the same reason.

You’re not really sure how you feel about that. Yes, he is, was? He is essentially a prisoner and you are his warden, but you did sort of get the feeling that, through all his crude behaviour, he had become somewhat amicable towards you.

You think you might be feeling a little... betrayed? How curious.

Could he be responsible? You have an easy way of determining someone’s probable guilt. Assume what happened was the intended result and see who benefits. Does Karkat benefit? You don’t think he would, normally, but with what you do know of that project of his, his situation might have changed enough.

Speak of the devil.

**Kanaya: Answer Karkat**

\-- codingGenius [CG] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

CG: 2O I GUE22 YOU’VE FINALLY 2HOWN ME JU2T HOW LITTLE YOU REALLY THINK OF ME.  
CG: DID I FINALLY OVER2TAY MY WELCOME AFTER I SENT YOU MY GAME?  
CG: WELL, 2TUFF THI2 UP YOUR TIGHT A22 AND 2MOKE IT:  
CG: IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK.  
CG: I’M 2TILL ALIVE AND KICKING AND GUE22 WHAT?  
CG: I’M COMING FOR YOU.  
CG: I DON’T EVEN GIVE A 2HIT IF I DIE ALONG THE WAY, BUT I’M GOING 2 FIND YOU, AND I’M GOINT 2 KILL YOU AND THEN I’M GOING 2 GIVE YOUR HEAD 2 FUCKING 2ERKET JU2T 2 PROVIDE YOU WITH AN ADEQUATE FUCK YOU.  
CG: YOU’D BETTER 2LEEP WITH 2 EYE2 OPEN, YOU BACK2TABBING PIECE OF 2HIT, BECAUSE I’M GOING 2 EVI2CERATE YOU EVEN IF IT’2 THE LA2T GODDAMN THING I EVER DO.  
CG: DID MY U2E OF THE WORD ‘EVI2CERATE’ JU2T NOW TICKLE YOUR NOOK?  
CG: I BET IT DID.  
CG: THAT’2 TOTALLY THE 2ORT OF THING YOU GET OFF ON.   
GA: Oh Thank The Seven Heavens.  
GA: As Vnlikely As This May Seem, Yovr Bvmbling Black Flirtations Are A Welcome Reprieve At The Moment.   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?  
CG: THAT’2 HOW YOU RE2POND 2 THAT?   
GA: Do Not Misvnderstand Me, Yovr Solicitations Were Very Impressive.  
GA: I Was Most Assvredly Extremely Intimidated.   
CG: OH, I 2EE.  
CG: THAT’2 HOW YOU PLAY THI2, I2N’T IT?  
CG: YOU’RE JU2T MAKING FUN OF ME NOW.   
GA: Not At All.  
GA: Well, I Mean, Yes I Am, Obviovsly.  
GA: Bvt Not For That Reason.   
CG: WHAT’2 THI2?  
CG: MARYAM 2TUMBLED AND FELL OVER HER OWN VOCABULARY?  
CG: LEAVING A FUCKING FACE PRINT IN HER VERNACULAR.   
GA: Yes, Yov’re Qvite Clever.  
GA: Now Be Silent For A Moment And Let Me Explain.   
CG: I DON’T THINK 2O.  
CG: I’VE HAD 2 LI2TEN 2 YOU ENOUGH EVER 2INCE EQUIU2 PLACED ME UNDER YOUR KIND CARE.  
CG: HOW FUCKING GENEROU2 OF HIM THAT WA2.   
GA: I Am Saying That Yov Are Operating On False Information.  
GA: Or False Assvmptions, In This Case.  
GA: I Am Not Responsible For What Is Happening At Yovr Hive At The Moment.  
GA: I Am Not Even In A Position To Know What Is Happening At Yovr Hive At The Moment.  
GA: In Fact, For The Briefest Of Instances, I Thovght Yov Were Behind This.   
CG: YOU THOUGHT I WA2 WHAT?   
GA: Yes, I Know.   
CG: I JU2T CAN’T BELIEVE THI2.  
CG: KANAYA FUCKING MARYAM.  
CG: THE LADY WHO’2 HAD MORE ACCE22 2 MY PRIVATE FUCKING CLA22E2 THAN I DID.  
CG: MY PER2ONAL JAILER WHO HA2 ALWAY2 BEEN IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.  
CG: THOUGHT I, OF ALL PEOPLE, LOZER THAT I AM, WA2 RE2PON2IBLE FOR ALL OF HER ROBOT2 GOING HAYWIRE.  
CG: PRE2UMABLY JU2T BECAU2E 2HE KNOW2 I’M ‘GOOD WITH COMPUTER2’.  
CG: THI2 I2 COMPLETELY UNBELIEVABLE.   
GA: Are Yov Qvite Finished, Mister Vantas?   
CG: NO.  
CG: NO I AM NOT.  
CG: I HAVEN’T EVEN PROPERLY LAUGHED ABOUT THI2 YET.  
CG: OKAY, 2O I’M NOT GOING 2, BECAU2E I DON’T WANT 2 GIVE AWAY MY PO2ITION, BUT YOU GET THE POINT.   
GA: Yov Made Yovr Zero Dimensional Object Rather Clearly At The Very Beginning Of That Rant.  
GA: Althovgh I Do Appreciate The Effort Yov Pvt Into Them.   
CG: OKAY, 2O YOU TOTALLY KILLED MY RIGHTEOU2 FURY.  
CG: NOW I THINK I’M 2IMPLY TERRIFIED OUT OF MY THINK PAN.  
CG: THAT 2HOULD NOT BE HAPPENING 2O QUICKLY.   
GA: I May Be Able To Ease Yovr Nerves A Little, If Yov Will Allow Me To.   
CG: A2 IF YOU WOULD 2TOP IF I DIDN’T.   
GA: I Can Shvt All My Mechanical Minions Down, As I Was Never Vnder The Illvsion That Nothing Covld Go Wrong With Them.  
GA: However, I Did Not Expect The Calamity To Be Qvite This Severe.  
GA: My Access To The System Is, Vnfortvnately, Rather Limited At The Moment, Which Is Why I Need Help.   
CG: …  
CG: YOU KNOW I WA2 JU2T PLANNING 2 MAKE A BREAK FOR IT AND NEVER BE 2EEN OR HEARD FROM AGAIN, RIGHT?   
GA: I Do.  
GA: And, If I Am Being Entirely Frank, This Is More Than Likely The Best Chance Yov Will Have Of Doing So.  
GA: However, Eqvivs Will Not Let Yov Roam Free.  
GA: He Will Hvnt Yov Down, And I Reckon Gamzee Wovld Not Be Far Behind.   
CG: MAYBE FOR ONCE THAT THREAT I2N’T EXACTLY WORKING?  
CG: YOU’RE HI2 EYE2 AND EAR2 ON ME, MARYAM, AND WITH YOU OUT OF THE PICTURE, IT WILL BE A REALLY LONG TIME BEFORE HE FIND2 ME.  
CG: I KNOW HOW HE WORK2.  
CG: AND HONE2TLY, GAMZEE DOE2N’T WORRY ME ALL THAT MUCH.  
CG: HE’2 NOT GOING 2 2TOP A WAR AGAIN2T THE EMPIRE JU2T 2O HE CAN HUNT ME DOWN.  
CG: YOU’RE RIGHT, I’LL LIVE MY LIFE IN CON2TANT FEAR OF BEING CAUGHT AND BRUTALLY MURDERED AT THE HAND2 OF ONE 2OCIOPATH OR THE OTHER.  
CG: BUT I ALREADY DO THAT, 2O I FIGURE THAT WON’T BE MUCH OF A LO22.   
GA: An Adeqvate Point.  
GA: There Is, However, The Matter Of Yovr Project.  
GA: I Svspect Yov Vnderstand Its Significance Better Than I Do, Bvt Even I Know It Goes Beyond The Conflict We Are All Involved In.  
GA: Yov Told Me, Dvring Ovr Last Conversation, That Not Spreading This Game Wovld Potentially ‘Fvck Shit Vp’.  
GA: That Implies That This Is Relevant, And That Rvnning Away From It Will Not Do Yov Any Good.   
CG: I REALLY NEED 2 LEARN 2 KEEP MY GODDAMN MOUTH 2HUT.   
GA: Yes, Yes Yov Do.   
CG: WHAT DO YOU NEED ME 2 DO?   
GA: I Knew I Covld Covnt On Yov, Mister Vantas.

**Kanaya: Plan**

GA: Where Are Yov Cvrrently?   
CG: HIDING.   
GA: Yes, I Got That.  
GA: Where Are Yov Hiding?   
CG: 2OMEWHERE 2AFE.   
GA: Yov Are Not Planning On Telling Me Where Yov Are, Are Yov?   
CG: NOPE.  
CG: THAT WA2 A PRETTY BRILLIANT DEDUCTION, MARYAM. I HAVE 2 HAND IT 2 YOU.  
CG: CAPTOR WOULD BE PROUD.   
GA: Very Well.  
GA: Are Yov In The Vicinity Of Yovr Compvter?   
CG: I CAN MAKE IT THERE.  
CG: MY LU2U2 I2 HOLDING OFF YOUR ROBOT2 FOR NOW, BUT I’M NOT 2URE HOW LONG HE’LL LA2T.   
GA: Yes, Avrthovr Leapt To My Aid As Well.  
GA: He Is The Only Reason I Made It Here, To Be Honest.  
GA: I Do Hope He Is Alright.   
CG: 2O WHY DIDN’T YOU IMMEDIATELY MAKE IT 2 YOUR CONTROL ROOM/MAINFRAME/WHATEVER YOU HAVE?  
CG: THAT WOULD’VE 2AVED BOTH OF U2 2O MUCH TROUBLE.   
GA: I Panicked.  
GA: I Jvst Made My Way To The Safest Place I Covld Find On Svch Short Notice.   
CG: YOU PANICKED.   
GA: I Have Relied On My Synthetic Companions For A Very Long Time.  
GA: They Were Always With Me And Always Ready To Provide Me With Exactly What I Needed.  
GA: As Mvch As I Try To Be Self-Svfficient At All Times, I Relied A Little Too Mvch On Them, I Svppose.  
GA: Then Again, I Did Think They Were A Part Of Me Being Self-Svfficient.    
CG: A2 MUCH A2 I HATE 2 INTERRUPT YOUR INTRO2PECTION AND AUTOANALISING, WE DO HAVE A PLAN 2 GET 2.  
CG: WHAT DID YOU NEED ME FOR?   
GA: Of Covrse.  
GA: I Need Yov To Scramble My Robots.  
GA: Disrvpt Them Long Enovgh For Me To Go Past Them.   
CG: RIGHT, BECAU2E I CAN TOTALLY WRITE A VIRU2 THAT DOE2 THAT IN FIVE FUCKING 2ECOND2 BEFORE THEY FIND ME 2ITTING IN MY RE2PITEBLOCK.  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER THE BIT I 2AID ABOUT YOU 2IMPLY KNOWING I’M ‘GOOD WITH COMPUTER2’?  
CG: YEAH, THAT WA2 A JOKE THEN, BUT THAT’2 LITERALLY WHAT YOU 2OUND LIKE RIGHT NOW.   
GA: That Wovld Be Trve, Yes.  
GA: Were It Not For The Fact That Yov Had Already Written It.  
GA: If I Am Not Entirely Mistaken, It Involves Datasets Too Large For Them To Process Easily. They Wovld Be Allocating A Significant Part Of Their Processing Power To Dealing With It.  
GA: The Process Is Most Likely More Complex Than That, Bvt I Wovld Not Know, Given That Yov Are The Programmer And I Am Not.   
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT.   
GA: I Am Fairly Intelligent.  
GA: And That Is How I Wovld Have Gone Abovt It.   
CG: FAIR ENOUGH.  
CG: THERE I2 ONE OTHER THING I NEED FOR THI2 2 WORK, THOUGH.  
CG: YOU NEED 2 GIVE ME ACCE22.   
GA: I Know.  
GA: My Vsername Is Kan.Mary.AM  
GA: And My Password Is The_EngineerX   
CG: WHAT, REALLY?  
CG: AND HERE I WA2 EXPECTING 2OMETHING EMBARA22ING.   
GA: I Am Terribly Sorry To Disappoint.   
CG: ALRIGHT, I’LL PROBABLY HAVE IT UPLOADED 2 THEM IN ABOUT A MINUTE.  
CG: I’M NOT 2URE HOW LONG IT’LL LA2T.  
CG: NEVER DID GET 2 TE2T IT, AFTER ALL.   
GA: Noted.  
GA: And Karkat?  
GA: Thank Yov Very Mvch.   
CG: YEAH, YEAH.  
CG: GET GOING ALREADY.  
CG: YOU PROBABLY DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME.   
GA: I Will.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] began trolling codingGenius [CG] \--

**Kanaya: Get Going Already**

Yes, yes, you do have some rather sturdy barricades to remove first. Fortunately, they’re a little bit easier to remove from the inside, even if it isn’t by much.

With the door finally free, you take your lipstick out of your strife specibus and prepare to bolt.

There are a few robot carcasses still lying around from your earlier journey to safety. You think Aurthour has been of a higher priority than you since then, especially if the loud crash you just heard was any indication. You really hope he’s okay.

You spot the first of your robots and it spots you as well, although its reaction time is almost laughable. Karkat’s virus appears to be working, at least. The robot soon falls to pieces as your chainsaw cuts through it. Leaving nothing but scrap metal behind.

**Kanaya: Continue**

You move quickly. Your work skirt is designed for its maneuverability, after all, and you’ve long since learned how to run in it. You try to avoid your robots as much as possible. You do not believe you will trust them enough to activate them in time for it to matter, but destroying them would cost too much time. Yes.

Instead, you use Karkat’s virus to its utmost effect, and you soon make your way to the mainframe. You still haven’t seen a sign of your lusus, which is worrying, but there are somewhat larger calamities at the moment.

**Kanaya: --**

That did not sound good at all.

That sounded like an explosion, which means it was probably an explosion. And that rumbling noise really isn’t helping to ease your mind, especially now that your whole hive is shaking.

You are suddenly quite close to panicking again. Your hive is not exactly build in the most structurally sound of places (you blame your grub self) and you can practically feel it tumbling down.

**Kanaya: Shut Down Robots**

One problem at a time, miss Maryam, and at least you are reasonably capable of solving this one.

With the flip of a few switches, your robots power down and, lo and behold, your hive stops shaking as well. A fortunate coincidence, you suppose.

You give a sigh of relief, collapsing against a wall.

You really do need to thank Karkat for this particular aid. Maybe you can even find it within yourself to be generous and relieve him of the greatest favour he owes you.

Oh well, time to assess the damages.

**Nepeta: Hear Loud Noise**

You just did!

It came from outside. Maybe Kanyana has been doing something strange again? She is so silly sometimes.

You don’t mind, though. She never would have made you these arms if she wasn’t a little silly, and you appreciate them very much.

Now there’s a loud rumbling noise, and you don’t really know what that means. Maybe you should go check?

**Nepeta: Check**

You quickly crawl downstairs. Maybe your lusus will know what is going on? She notices a lot more than you do, usually.

Your hive is really large! You don’t mind, though. You really like exploring its dark corners every once in a while. You’ve tried to feed your lusus with the things you find sometimes, but after a while you gave up on that. It seems she only likes the taste of troll!

Maybe you’ll feed her extra today! Just to show how much you appreciate her!

Yeah, you’re really not going to like what you’ll find.

**Nepeta: Walk Outside**

Oh no! No!

This can’t be happening! There is a large part of your neighbor’s hive crushing your lusus underneath its weight.

No there isn’t! There can’t be! She wouldn’t let that happen to her!

**Nepeta: --**

No! She isn’t looking too good. You need to help her. Right now!

**Nepeta: --**

Shut up! You won’t let her die! No matter what anyone says!

**Nepeta: You Can’t Lift Tha-**

You don’t care! You’re going to pull it off of her no matter what! You’ll save her and she’ll be proud and hug you in her long legs and let you sleep in her web again and everything will be perfect!

**Nepeta: Please-**

You’re not listening! You’re not listening to anything anybody is saying right now! You are NOT leaving her TO DIE! You know those sounds she’s making are telling you you’re doing a good job!

**Nepeta: Stop**

There’s blue everywhere and you aren’t sure whether it’s yours or hers. No matter what you try, you can’t pull the debris off of her. Slowly but surely her cries grow weaker and finally you just sit there, watching helplessly as her life flows out of her.

You will never eat with her again, never greet her early in the night and just talk about things with her. She will never gently brush your cheek with one of her legs after you’ve hurt yourself a little and will never bandage you with her threads.

She’s gone.

She’s gone and you won’t ever see her again.

You’re not sure what to do now.

You suppose you could go talk to someone?

Yes, that sounds nice.

**Nepeta: Talk To Someone**

You walk back upstairs. There are a lot of steps, and you don’t think any of them make you feel any better.

\-- arachnophileChipper [AC] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] \--

AC: ::::( kanaya?  
AC: ::::( please tell me youre there  
AC: ::::( im so upset right now  
GA: I Am Technically Present Bvt I Am Afraid I Have Little Time For Anyone At The Moment.  
GA: There Are Some  
GA: Things  
GA: I Need To Take Care Of.  
AC: ::::( kanaya please  
AC: ::::( ill owe you so many favors  
AC: ::::( i dont care  
AC: ::::( just let me talk to you  
GA: What Happened?  
AC: ::::( i think a piece of your hive fell off  
AC: ::::( and it  
AC: ::::( it killed my lusus  
AC: ::::( spidermom  
AC: ::::( spidermom is dead kanaya  
AC: ::::( what do i do?  
GA: I  
GA: I Am Sorry For Yovr Loss, Nepeta.  
GA: I Think I Can Honestly Say I Know Exactly What Yov Are Going Throvgh.  
AC: ::::? what do you mean?  
GA: I Jvst Fovnd Avrthovr.  
GA: He Is Also Dead.  
GA: He Had An Accident.  
AC: ::::( oh no!  
AC: ::::( thats terrible!  
GA: I Am Aware.  
GA: I Am Sorry, Nepeta.  
GA: I Do Not Think I Can Have This Conversation With Yov Right Now.  
AC: ::::( are you going to miss him?  
AC: ::::( i think im going to miss her  
GA: I  
GA: Yes, I Am Absolvtely Positive I Will Miss Him.  
GA: He Was Very Dear To Me.  
GA: This Mess Wovld Be Far Easier To Clean Vp With His Help.  
GA: I Apologise, That Sovnded Insensitive.  
AC: ::::( what happened kanaya?  
AC: ::::( why did you break your hive?  
GA: I Honestly Have Absolvtely No Idea.  
GA: Something Inflvenced My Robots And I Do Not Know What Did It Or Who Cavsed It Or Anything.  
GA: I Thovght I Had A Svspect, Bvt That Tvrned Ovt To Be A False Accvsation.  
GA: I Am Jvst A Little Ovt Of Sorts Now, I Believe.  
AC: ::::( but youre so smart!  
AC: ::::( you should know!  
GA: Perhaps.  
GA: Bvt This Is Not My Area Of Expertise.  
AC: ::::( maybe you should ask sollux for help?  
GA: I Will Keep That In Mind.  
GA: Thank Yov, Nepeta.  
GA: Alright, I Believe We May Both Benefit From Sharing Ovr Grief.  
GA: Proceed.  
AC: ::::( im really scared kanaya.  
AC: ::::( i dont know what to do without her  
AC: ::::( and im afraid ill  
AC: ::::( no thats silly never mind  
GA: Nepeta, I Promise I Will Not Jvdge Yov For Any Confessions Yov Make Here.  
AC: ::::( im afraid i will  
AC: ::::( forget about her  
AC: ::::( thats such a stupid thing to be afraid of  
AC: ::::( im sorry i really shouldnt be bothering you with this im so silly  
GA: What Did I Jvst Tell Yov?  
GA: This Is Obviovsly Something That Is Bothering Yov, Yov Shovld Not Keep It Bottled Vp.  
AC: ::::( there are so many things i already dont remember anymore  
AC: ::::( do you remember anything from like a sweep and a half ago?  
AC: ::::( i dont  
AC: ::::( and every time i do i just get really sad and afraid for some reason and i dont know why  
AC: ::::( and theyre not even like real  
AC: ::::( its just a small bit and then its gone again and i dont know what it is  
AC: ::::( kanaya?  
AC: ::::( is something wrong with me?  
GA: This Does Seem Like A Very Deep-Rooted Problem, Yes.  
GA: And I Will Aid Yov With It To The Best Of My Ability.  
AC: ::::o you will?  
AC: ::::o thank you so much!  
GA: It Will Have To Wait, However.  
GA: I Do Have Some Issves Of My Own I Need To Take Care Of First.  
GA: Vntil Then, I Have Something For Yov.  
\-- governingAristocrat [GA] sent arachnophileChipper [AC] file “SGRUB.~ATH” \--  
AC: ::::? what is it?  
GA: It Is A Game.  
GA: I Cannot Say Mvch More At The Moment, Bvt I Believe It May Be Imperative That Yov Play It.  
AC: ::::? okay  
GA: I Will Talk To Yov Later, Nepeta.

\-- governingAristocrat [GA] ceased trolling arachnophileChipper [AC] --


End file.
